LoK Unearthly Soundtrack
by Raven Hallowryn
Summary: This work is a collection of song fics for LoK. Some are cannon or post-cannon, some are AU or non-cannon and some relate to my other fics (smut may occur too); they are not to be taken as a continued story but as many little one-shots for many different parings. (So far- Korrasami, vague Masami, Amorra, Sato-Lan, Lieumon, Amorralok Toph/Lin, Tonraq/Korra, Katara/Korra)
1. Track 1- El Tango De Roxanne

Track 1 –El Tango De Roxanne

(Note: Korra's dialogue will be **in bold**. The man's dialogue will be underlined. When they both sing, both talk traits are applied **like this.**

Theme: Asami has lost everything and stooped low. Korra can't stand by and watch anymore. Post season 1 finale.

~This one-shot is dedicated to my awesome little sister for all her support, love and inspiration. She's been the best friend in my screwed up life.~

Song: 'El Tango de Roxanne' from the 'Moulin Rouge' OST, performed by Ewan McGregor)

Warning: F/F)

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

She looked so beautiful...So exceptionally beautiful.

Asami was always the beautiful one but I could never stop being amazed by her, every step she took filled me awe, respect and jealousy… Even now, after the fall.

When Hiroshi Sato went down as an equalist, the rabid animals of the corporate world slobbered all over the Future Industries Empire like a pack of hungry wolves. Asami was the heiress and she was good at running the company but she never had a chance against the seasoned warriors of the industrial world and eventually all she had left was the empty carcass of the Sato mansion, now devoid of any value. A little later, she lost even that.

I should have helped her. I should have done anything as she would do for me but I didn't, I was so focused on myself, so determined to strengthen what I had with the man I stole from her that I lost sight of what I really wanted… I wanted Asami.

At first she was a pebble in my shoe, one that I could not shake because she was helping us, financing us, but she took the man I wanted and I couldn't handle that. Why should she have everything? She was rich, she was intelligent, she was beautiful, she was educated, she was graceful, she polite, she was feminine, she was everything I wasn't and she had Mako… I envied her so deeply that I lost track of myself and before I knew it envy had become obsession and obsession had become passion.

And now I had lost them both- Mako remained a friend but left broken-hearted when he began to see who my heart truly craved, and Asami…Oh Spirits, Asami! Why didn't I help her?

I see her every night. She stands in the same street looking much thinner than before and wearing that beautiful red dress, the dress that is a regalia from better years, the dress she wore at that silly gala in my honor that now seems to have happened a lifetime ago even though it was only a few years. That dress has been patched many times and it frays around the edges now but she still wears it almost every night in that dark shady street. Her hair has lost its luster but still looks lovely pinned to the side and her eyes, perfectly made-up as always, hold a hardness that was never there before, even after all the betrayal, even after the war…

Today she looks weary and pale. I want to hold in my arms and watch that snowy skin blend into my cinnamon curves but I fear coming close to her, she's made it clear that I am not to follow her, she would hate me if she knew that I know.

She treats me like a loved one but not a lover. She comes to me often and we have tea and reminisce of the old days, sometimes she comes with a bruise or two for me to heal while she prattles on about how clumsy she has become working as maid…Some maid she is, strutting the streets to sell the only thing has left.

I don't blame her, nobody will employ an ex-heiress, she's too famous, too well known as a spoiled princess of a fallen empire. It's either become this persona of hers, this Roxanne of the night, or beg for the mercy of others to stay alive and Asami is too proud to crawl just as she's too proud to give up, curl in a corner an die. That is why she keeps doing this, that is why I can't stop her.

A _customer_ walks up to her, well hidden under a dark coat but I can see the light skin and the black hair under the streetlamps even as he hides his face. I see them exchange pleasantries and the delicate smile she gives him makes my blood boil, I know that smile, it's the one she gives me when she's afraid I've found out too much.

I can't take it anymore! I want to scream and grab her and steal her from this world but instead I keep quiet and follow her down the street with the customer, into a shabby little inn that looks smaller in its entirety than Asami's old room in her manor.

I use my talents, my bending, and sneak up over the outside walls to sit in the hidden shadows below the window of the room she always uses. It's barred and very high and the little red light she uses to romanticize the shabby spider-rat infested place will come on any minute, I can't get in or even peek in without raising suspicion but I can't stay away either, I'm ashamed of myself, the Avatar should not be stooping this low but she's stooped so much lower and still holds her head high in pride… How can I pretend that doesn't affect me?

There are voices in the room, arguing loudly. I know that voice with her, I know it but it can't be! Why is he here? Why is he calling her that wretched name she chose for the night life? I figure he can't call her by her real name, not here, not where people could overhear.

"Why, Roxanne?! Why won't you let me save you? Why must you fuck around with every man with half a silver coin when you could have me?!" The man pleads with a mixture of anger, jealousy and despair.

I know that tone too, I'm used it many times when I think of her. He's doing what I should have done long ago, he's trying to save her.

**«Good luck with that.»** I think the words somberly. I know she doesn't want saving, if it were that easy I would have done it long ago, and yet he has the guts to try, he has the courage to waltz up to her and face her…The courage I never had. He has the honor I forfeited long ago when I began hiding under this window.

"I don't want saving! I'm not a victim, I can fend for myself." She speaks with her soft but proud and determined voice that I always loved so much. "And I don't want you, I don't want anyone! You had your chance when I was somebody and now that I'm a whore you think it's that easy to just take me back? Forget it!"

I know she's angry and I want to storm in there and protect her, defend her, even though I know he won't hurt her, even though I know he wants the same thing I do.

"Fine then! Is this what you want, _Roxanne_?!" He emphasizes the name and I hear the clutter of metal, coins I think, crashing all over the creaky wooden floor. "Then I'll be your fare for the night!"

"Stop mocking me!" She should have yelled but she just speaks with her usual elegant fortitude.

"I'm not. There's your fare so do your job, Roxanne!" He demands and I can hear the creak of the bed under his weight. "If you will love anyone then love me tonight."

There is a pause and I hope it's because she'd gathering the necessary strength to kick him out of the room. If she doesn't I don't know if I'll be able to handle it, I think something inside me might break beyond repair.

"Alright." Her voice is soft and sensual, it makes me react in ways I'm ashamed to speak of, in ways that send butterflies flying in my stomach.

My legs give in and I crumple to my knees, listening wide eyed. The red light is on, casting a crimson glow out the window and I can hear music from the room. The same song that has been haunting my brain ever since I was with her this afternoon listening to the radio and talking about the new cabbage cars that just came out- she still knows everything about the industry even now.

The music is driving me crazy… The way the violin strums like it's playing on my nerves… I'm pretty sure the man in the room feels the same way, I can hear him kick at something in anger as she muffles his voice with kisses. The things I know she is doing are driving me…

**_«It will drive you…MAD!» _**

My own voice echoes in my head.

_"Roxanne…_

_You don't have to put on that red light._

_Walk the streets for money,_

_You don't care if it's wrong of if it right!"_

I hear a crash and by now I know he has her pinned to the wall, I can hear the rustle and purr of fabric and I know he's pulling that lovely crimson dress aside to bare her beautiful skin… I want to barge in and steal her. I want to lick every inch of that snowy skin that others have touched just so I can make her clean again.

_ "Roxanne…_

_You don't have to wear that dress tonight._

_Roxanne…_

_You don't have to sell your body to the night!"_

I can hear his anguished voice as he holds her to the wall with his own body, it's almost of if his words are melding into the music, or maybe my mind is playing tricks on me because I'm going insane with jealousy, anger, despair, lust, self-hatred and pain… It's too much to feel at once and I almost want to sing to just so I won't cry.

**_"His eyes upon your face…_**

**_His hand upon your hand…_**

**_His lips caress your skin…_**

**_It's more than I can stand!"_**

My voice probably won't reach her but the tears are already spilling from my cerulean eyes even as I feel my body blush and heat with unwanted fantasies. I hate that I want to be the one with her in that room.

_"Roxanne…"_

Her fake name is a moan in his lips and I hear my cloth rustling around. I'm sure she's stripping him of his clothes just to shut him up… No, the way he says her moniker tells me more, it tells me she's teasing, she's kissing and touching him in ways that I could only ever dream of doing to her… It hurts. I feel so hot and dazed and I want her so bad that it's like a physical burn of need but it hurts, it hurts like stab through the heart.

**_"Why does my heart cry?_**

**_Feelings I can't fight…"_**

Spirits, I wish I could stop the feelings! I can hear him moan, his voice is filled with anger but the pleasure overrides it… I wish I could be cold and detached and pretend what she's doing is a job like any other but I can't… Every day she lies about where she goes and what she does, every day she tries to spare me the gruesome details but every day it pains me more and more to see her go. I want her to stop lying to my face and I want to save her so badly but I know she won't let me, she's too proud, I know that if I face her with the truth she will never come back to being my sweet Asami… I can't take that, I don't mind if she left my life in order to be herself again but I know that if I let her out of my sight she will fall again…She will just be Roxanne again.

**_"You're free to leave me _**

**_But just don't deceive me!_**

**_And please…_**

**_Believe me when I say… I love you!"_**

I think I screamed the words. I didn't intend to but I think I did. I'm crying so hard that I could probably bend my tears into little icy gems just for her, like the diamonds she used to wear, because I love her. I never told her but I love her, I need her like I need air to breathe but that revelation came too late and I know the way I feel about her is not normal, it's not something people would take in lightly- the Avatar and the whore, the fallen princess and the defiant warrior, but worse of all we are two women… Who in this world of ours would understand that? I'm scared that even she wouldn't understand how much I love just because of that.

I can hear the low voice of the singer purr along in a pleading foreign tongue but I don't care what's being said. The music is violent now, the violin plays as if the musician where stabbing into my gut until I puke blood. It plays almost in tempo with the crashing fast sounds of the creaking bed from the room above and sharp little moans that I hear slip from her lips. Oh Spirits, I never thought this much pain existed in the world… I never thought I'd be stupid enough to willingly put myself through such agony.

I think the man that's with her, a man whose name I don't want to think of right now, is feeling just as anguished as me. The difference is that he is more angry than pained, and he gets to hold her in his arms for the night, he gets to make her moan and cry out in pleasure while I grovel under her window.

_"Roxanne!"_

His desperate tone is now mocking, almost like he's begun to accept that this isn't the Asami he knew but a different creature entirely.

**_"Why does my heart cry?"_**

_" You don't have to put on that red light."_

We speak in unison, even though he doesn't know that, as he groans out with pleasure. I hear her scream and it crushes me because that scream of passion makes my body tingle and ache in inappropriate ways… Too inappropriate for the situation I'm in.

**_"Feelings I can't fight!"_**

_"You don't have to wear that dress tonight…"_

Time is suspended for me as I hear their pants and murmurs, then I hear a crash and it alarms me. I'm sure someone just got pushed into some sort of furniture. I hear the fast angry rustle of clothes and I can hear him huff angrily as she remains silent.

**_"Roxanne…"_**

I think we are both pleading to her but she won't listen. My eyes hurt from the tears and I can barely breathe through my sobs but I want to plead more.

_"You don't have to put up that red light,_

_Roxanne…_

_You don't have to wear that dress tonight._

_Roxanne!"_

He's shouting at her and I hear the struggle but I'm pretty sure she'd scream if wanted to hurt her, I know he just wants to shake her until she comes to her senses.

**_"Roxanne…"_**

We beg together again…But that's not the name I want to utter, not really.

_"Roxanne…"_

He's speaking her name like he just gave up and the music in my head sounds desperate and cruel. I only now see that, as much as it hurt, I really wanted him to save her, to do my work for me, but if he quits… Back to the streets she goes.

**"ASAMI!" ** I scream louder than I have ever screamed in my life and this time she has to have heard me.

I hear things fall and crash and the red lamp shatters and flickers off. Suddenly she is at the window, clutching the crumpled red dress to her bruising naked body as tumbling steps echo down the stairs of the inn.

"Korra?! What are you doing here?" She sounds terrified, she sounds so unlike herself.

**"ASAMI!" **I scream and plead her name because I don't know what else to say as I crumble further with my head almost pressing to the floor as my body expresses my the extent of my pain and I sob on the dirty ground. What a sight to behold- the Avatar groveling and weeping like an infant for the sake of a harlot.

How the mighty have fallen!

He quickly walks out of the shabby little building, looking at me with eyes that mingle disgust, shame, tenderness and sorrow- the unique blend of emotions that I have grown to know so well in the past few years.

"Korra…" His voice shakes and falters as he gazes at me. "I tried, Korra. She won't listen to me." Mako looks at me with tears in his eyes and I know that he feels sorry for me…No, he loves me. It hits me that he probably did this for my sake more than hers; he probably saw how I was destroying myself with my pain over her, that's possibly when he found out the truth about her too.

**"ASAMI!"** I keep begging her name. I want him to go, I can't look at him because I'm too angry and ashamed and I just don't know what to say. I still feel the agony corrode at my insides as I claw into the dirt.

"Korra… I'm sorry." Mako murmurs my name with such grief that it's like he's mourning a death but I hear his footsteps grow fainter and fainter as he drags himself away in defeat.

"Korra, stop this! What if someone sees? You're the Avatar." It's her, her voice is panicked and hushed but it's her and it makes my head snap up to look at her.

I see her walking to me in that ragged red dress again. She looks mortified, anguished and worried and she's obviously afraid to touch me, I must really look like a total wreck if she can't even come close to me.

**"Asami…"** I hiccup her name and it starts to rain, just a little misty drizzle at first. I don't know if it's nature echoing my pain or if it's my own doing with my bending, but it really doesn't help me to see her red dress become transparent and cling to her in all the right ways as she hesitantly edges closer.

"Korra, please…You're scaring me." She does indeed look scared.

I realize what's frightening her- in the little puddles of rain water I can see my eyes glow white with the tears still streaming freely. That's when I notice that my body feels hot and numb and I can sense every molecule of every element in a five mile radius, just waiting to get bent and manipulated by me.

I stand up and feel my thoughts and feelings go numb too as I almost hover in the air, I'm moving on instinct now and rain is bucketing down on us both as a storm picks up, a storm that only seems to encompass the area we are in and makes the few people in the inn shut themselves inside with fear.

I grab her by the wrist and see the terror in her face and the angry hissing burn marks that blossom on her skin under my fingers. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know what my overwhelming emotions are numbing my brain to do, I'm not sure if I'm about to kill her and end this miserable suffering we're in or if I'm about to snatch her away and save her whether she lets me or not.

**"Asami…"** My voice is not my own but the voice of many and I fear I really am going to kill her. The earth under my feet rumbles, the wind whips around us almost painfully, the rain is like a stormy shower of needles and the air is thick with heat from the flames that ripple around us.

"Korra… It's ok, Korra. It's ok." Her hand suddenly caresses my dark cheek as she speaks with a nervous shaky voice, a voice of fear and tenderness wrapped together. She holds me to my reasoning with her voice, she saves me from myself.

**"Why? Why can't I have you? Why can't I save you?"** My tears stream with the rain on my face but I feel my senses slowly return to me, I feel my sight dull away from the clear acute sharpness of the Avatar State as her gentle touch pulls me back and I drag her into an empty dark alley, slamming her against the brick wall far too hard.

"Because you never tried." Her sad answer bursts my heart like a popped balloon. Has she been waiting for me? All this time? Could I really have stopped the pain if only I had had the courage?

**"Why? Why me? Why?"** I'm hiccupping again and I don't even know what I'm asking anymore, I just want to hear her voice. **"You could have had anyone you wanted, any man would fall to his knees if you just asked him to!"**

"But I didn't want any man. I wanted the one thing I couldn't have and everything just became meaningless. I just started doing what I had to for survival because I barely had anything to truly life for." Her voice is almost as anguished as mine but she's always so composed and graceful…

**"What? What was so important that it made you into this just because you couldn't have it?!"** I gesture at her, the red dress is sticking to her like a second skin and I just wish I could peel it off and warm her trembling body with my own.

"You, Korra! I wanted you!" I can see the tears in jade eyes too but she's looking at me with that hard face that pain has molded through the years. "I wanted you but I feared that if you truly knew me, knew what I am, you'd despise me with every fiber of your being! And even if you didn't, the world would never let us have what I want with you… I didn't want you to hate me because of that."

Asami looks at me with those eyes that tell me everything I already know, everything I've been telling myself- we are not meant to be together, we are not compatible. Well…SCREW THAT!

**"I love you. I love you so much it hurts! It kills me!"** I know I'm sobbing again but I can't stop and I don't know why but I'm pinning her body to the brick wall with my own and I can feel every warm curve of her figure on mine.

"Korra… You're the Avatar… We can't…" She hesitates and looks away but she never pushes me back, she never tries to escape my aggressive grip.

**"I DON'T CARE! I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!"** I scream the words at the sky, daring the Spirits themselves to take this moment from me. **"I don't care! I'm done watching, I'm done waiting, I'm taking you away whether you like it or not! I love you… I love you so much. I've loved you for years!"** The words spill from my lips before I can't stop them and I'm still waiting for her to push me away, for her to slap me for my aggressive actions and forceful words.

"Oh, Korra…" I feel her press back to me until I can feel her now overly skinny body almost glued to mine in the rain and at last she moves a hand to caress my cheek and make me look at her so she capture my eyes with her own. "I love you too."

I kiss her, desperately so. I don't think I've ever kissed anyone like I kiss her right at this moment, like she's the air I breathe, like she's the water and I'm the desert, like she's my anchor to the real world, like I'm drowning and she's my buoy. My mouth crashes on hers, sucking and molding in a clash of swollen delicate lips as my tongue invades her jasmine flavored mouth possessively, claiming everything, taking what I've always been too scared to take. I can feel her breasts crushed to mine like

pillows of warmth and I can sense her heartbeat that is almost as racing as mine.

**«_You don't have to put up that red light,_**

**_You don't have to wear that dress tonight._**

**_Roxanne.»_**

The leftovers of the song echo in my head and I make my decision, our decision- tonight is the last night she is that Roxanne. Tonight is last night she wears this frayed old crimson dress, tonight she goes home with me. Tonight she becomes my Asami again, I plan on claiming her again and again until she can only remember the pleasure of my body and no other.

I will never let her go again and the world can be damned.


	2. Track 2 –Dance Me To The End Of Love

Track 2 –Dance Me To The End Of Love 

(Note: This song fic is inspired by my "Castaway" universe. If you haven't read the fic, you might be slightly lost in this but not by much since it's vague, self-explanatory, fluffy and not really a spoiler since it's just inspired and all a very big "IF".

-Korra's dialog will be underlined and the lyrics will be _italic underlined_ while Noatak's dialog will be **bold** and the lyrics will be **_italic bold_**. When they speak together the words will be **_like this_**.

Song: 'Dance Me To The End Of Love' duet version by The Civil Wars /original song by Leonard Cohen)

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

At last the house is almost empty! It's been the longest few days of my life and I just can't wait to be alone with her again, to have some peace and quiet and not have to endure dozens of people either staring at my mask or at my disfigured face. I know they mean no harm, I know they weren't looking at me for any negative reason, most of them were probably curious and the others were staring because I was one of the main attractions of the day.

Speaking of the main attractions, I haven't seen Korra for a while now. I assume she must be upstairs with Nilak, it's the most obvious conclusion to draw but I hope she hasn't overexerted herself.

Miss Sato, Mako and Bolin are the last ones here. They are always the last ones to leave and know that is a testament to how loyal they are; I have grown to respect them in the last months, in fact I could go so far as admitting that I am growing fond of Korra's incredible friends and I do indeed owe them more than I can repay.

**"I thank you for your help today."** I bow to them politely, because it is always best to appeal to a person's sense or honor if you want them to see your point of view up ahead.

"Don't sweat it, I'm just glad there weren't any problems." The firebender has his hand on my shoulder though he keeps as much distance as possible. We have learned to get along decently but there is still tension, I know he still holds feelings for my Korra but I know his friendship with her is important enough that he respects my claim and Miss Sato really owns his heart anyway.

"That! Was! AWESOOOME!" The earthbender smacks me in the back with excited force and I can tell he's been a little too liberal on the drinks by the way he talks, the flush on his face and the way his formal clothes are rumpled. "You Water Tribers really know how to PAAARTAY!"

"Ok, Bo, time to go home." Mako, also his is formal wear, holds his wobbling brother by the shoulder and snickers. "Before you start crying again."

"I wasn't crying! I was trying to tear-bend!" Bolin hiccups and speaks loudly and defensively but I know that Mako is right; I also know that the earthbender still loves Korra more than he will admit and I am grateful that he remains her friend and my ally despite it. "It was so beautiful!" He slurs the words with tears already in his eyes again. "Wasn't Korra beautiful?!"

"Yeah, Bo, for the hundredth time, it was all beautiful." Mako is already towing his brother out and I see him wave vaguely at me. "See you later."

**"Likewise."** I nod at the brothers.

Miss Sato is in front of me now, she looks lovely with her hair up in swirls and the elegant lilac dress that highlights her figure and her jade eyes.

"No need to walk us out. I'm sure you're dying to go to your wife." Asami smiles at me in that delicate way that I have come to learn so well. Strangely, this woman reads me almost as well as Korra.

**"Indeed I am. I apologize for her absence at the moment but I am afraid the wedding celebrations have exhausted her and Nilak required her attention as well."** I bow my head at the woman even though I know there is no need for apology with her.

"You know I don't mind, I'll see her soon anyway." The raven-haired woman surprises me by embracing me gracefully and politely before turning away. "Good night, Noatak."

**"Good night."** I watch her leave out the door.

I can feel the emptiness of the house like a sudden breath of fresh air and finally feel my shoulders relax, allowing the tension to leak from my body.

The wedding had been a stressful event but, luckily, one that was restricted to a minimum amount of people and had not been disturbed by the intrusion of the media. In the end, we mixed traditions because even though we are both Water Tribe, Korra is still the Avatar and she wanted our union recognized by every culture; it wasn't has complicated as I had expected and I had to agree with Bolin- Korra had looked so beautiful throughout the three days of celebration.

I've been with her for less than an hour and I already feel her absence like a thorn in my heart, I crave her like I like crave water to survive, I crave her like any waterbender craves the moon.

I search for her and by the time I reach the corridor I hear music in the air, playing from one of the rooms. I know the song, it has become one of my favorites in the past few weeks- Korra chose it for our wedding even though it wasn't traditional for the bride and groom to pick the music since that was something the guests decided on to honor the married couple, but we all indulged my young Avatar and I wasn't surprised to learn that she had remarkably good taste in music.

The notes of the song are slow and I can hear Korra's voice, it's soft and her timber is deep as always but she's surprisingly melodious, if a tiny bit off key.

_"La la, la la la la la la, la la la la la, la, la, la~" _

She's not really singing anything specific, just the slow gentle end notes of the song notes and I can see why when I find her. Korra is in the room next to ours, still wearing her last dress which is a lovely long flowing glittering sapphire blue gown that she had no vote in choosing but still looks like it was made to be worn only by her and wraps around her like living water; she's standing and holding Nilak in her arms as she sways softly in time with the music; the baby is pressed to her chest with a coffee colored head of hair settled above Korra's breast, probably listening to her heartbeat as the Avatar sings.

Nilak is still tiny for her age even though she's already half a year old; we are very protective of her, especially after the disaster we barely avoided at her birth, so we don't mind that we always have to sing her to sleep because she will cry half the night away if we don't. I never liked singing before and I would most likely deny any comments about such a thing to anyone outside my family but, even though I don't admit it, I've learned to love singing because it calms my baby girl and Korra seems to enjoy the sound of my singing voice too, though I think I sound too off-key most of the time.

I'm still amazed by how beautiful Nilak is, how normal and sweet and utterly adorable she looks when I hold that tiny body in my arms, but what amazes me even more is how much I love her and how much pride I have in her, I've never imagined I could possibly love someone like this, in such a pure, uncomplicated and unconditional way. And I love Korra for giving me this gift, this beautiful little girl with eyes as clear as ice, eyes the color of my own.

Korra is still singing and Nilak seems to be asleep in her arms but I realize I've been leaning against the door frame and staring for far too long so my Avatar as noticed me and the song as started over in the gramophone.

_"Dance me to your beauty like a burning violin…"_

Korra pets our child's head, singing our song to her before she settles the little one in her crib. She stays there, just watching the peaceful child and singing as I move closer.

_"Dance me through the panic 'til I'm gathered safely in…"_

I stand behind her and wrap my arms around her like I've done so many mornings after she awakes from her visions and nightmares. She still has them sometimes but now I'm always there to soothe her and protect her even though as the Avatar she'll always be stronger than me.

_"Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove,_

_And dance me to the end of love."_

Korra is swaying in my arms, dancing softly in time with the music as I hold her close.

_"Please dance me to the end of love."_

She turns to face me and my arms wrap around her waist almost immediately. She kisses my lips quickly and we are dancing. I still remember the first time we danced in private, I had been shocked because she was always so competent and well-coordinated with her bending and her fighting but when it came to dancing she was a klutz and lacked the necessary grace to move so that first experience ended with both of us stumbling onto the floor after many stepped toes but Korra just fell over me laughing and looking as radiant as the sun, even in that clumsy fall she was so gorgeous… The memory made me want to sing along with the song, just for her.

**_"Oh, let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone._**

**_Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon…"_**

Now that the house is empty I just want to look at her, be with her in every intimate way, but my mind is still wandering to that first private dance. In time I learned that I just had to make her feel trusting enough to let me lead and we learned to dance together almost as passionately as we made love and now here I have her in my arms again, finally my wife, finally alone now that all the guests are gone… And I want her and all she can give with every fiber of my being.

**_"Oh, show me slowly what I only know the limits of,_**

**_And dance me to the end of love."_**

I twirl her slowly and gently before she's flush against my body again and I know that she knows I'm using the lyrics of the song to speak what's on my mind just like I know she's doing the same.

**_"Please dance me to the end of love."_**

I'm actually begging her to stay with me forever, the dance is just an analogy, but I know even Korra can understand the hint. Nilak stirs and she blinks, I think our dancing might have woken her but it's something easy to fix.

**_"La la, la la la la la la, la la la la la la, la, la, la~"_**

We sing together, slowly and in unison, and soon the baby is asleep again, sucking on her cinnamon knuckles and looked perfect in her in dreams.

_"Oh, dance me to the wedding now!"_

The song seems to remind Korra that we are now man and wife, the thought warms me to my core as I hold her even closer and resume dancing across the nursery with her as if it were our private little world. Who would have ever imagined it? The Avatar and Amon, happily married and raising a family! The last two people in the world that should ever end up together and yet- here we are!

**_"Dance me on and on."_**

_"And dance me very tenderly…"_

**_"…And dance me very long."_**

I'm not sure who sings the next part, it's probably her turn but I'll sing it anyway just so our voices can meld the same way our bodies do as we move and sway. She beats me to the line but I catch her halfway.

_"With both of us **beneath our love**_

**_And both of us above."_**

_"And dance me to the end of love. Uh…" _

Korra had tapped her fingers to my lips to silence me and steal that last line in the song, probably because it holds her message to me. I decide to pay her back by pleading to her in the next verse but I know she'll join me in at the end, she always does, she just can't help it.

**_"Won't you dance me to the end of love!"_**

I have her slightly dipped in my arms and I can't resist kissing her lips with tenderness, it's a feeling I never imagined I could possess but she had helped me regain it after all the horrors in my past. Korra kisses me back in that gentle and yet sassy way of hers before our lips break apart and she merely grins with what I can tell is pride.

**_"La la, la la la la la la, la la la la la la, la, la, la~"_**

We keep singing the last part together, probably dragging out the song more than we should as we look into each other's eyes, our noses nearly touch with how close we are holding each other and I can hear Nilak sigh in her sleep in the way she does when she's pleased, she must like hearing our voices together… I can't say I blame her.

I know the song is going to start again soon but I still stand there, swaying with Korra in my arms. She feels strong and powerful but so much smaller and more vulnerable than me that sometimes I wonder how this beautiful, playful and impulsive woman can be the Avatar. Yet, what still surprises me more is how she is mine, she's so much younger than me, she's so beautiful and revered, she's so important and yet she chose me, me of all people! The wretched monster and enemy that nearly destroyed her life and all she loved… And instead of destroying me as I deserved she saved me, she loved me and even gave me the daughter I now hold even more dearly than life itself. There really is no way I can ever express how much I love my Korra, but I'm pretty sure this perfect little moment comes close to defining it.

"They're all gone?" Korra murmurs with her face nestled against my neck as we keep dancing slowly. I know she's tired, Nilak keeps us up and the wedding has been exhausting to both of us but she looks happy and tranquil which is something rare in Korra so I indulge in holding her and continuing the slowly heartfelt dance.

**"Yes. It's just us now."** I whisper back, letting my hand travel up her back. I'm glad we have our own home now, I don't think I would have been able to experience such a perfect relaxed moment with my wife if we had to live at the Air Temple, so I silently thank Miss Sato for the millionth time for all her help in finding this little nest of our own. **"Just the three of us alone in our home."**

"Hmm…That sounds nice." She purrs into my neck as I keep tracing her back, that reaction does strange things to me, it makes me want to pull off that gown and make love to her right there but I know there's no need rush, we have our whole lives ahead of us.

**"I know something that sounds nicer."** I murmur in her ear as the song starts again. I could probably lead this into some sort of lewd comment that would make her blush and smile but I'm feeling far to mellow to tease her.

"And what's that?" She kisses my neck with her cherry painted lips, it's a rare sight and I know it will leave a mark on my clothes but it takes all my self-control to keep from picking her up and carrying her straight to bed.

**"I love you…my wife."** I highlight the new title like it's the most honorable thing I have ever said and her chuckle makes me smile.

"That does sound nicer." Korra is smiling and looks into my eyes again before planting a long cherry flavored kiss onto my lips with that drowsy little smile as her arms wrap more closely around my neck. "I love you too, my husband." The title sounds teasing and loving in her voice but I think I'll get addicted to it soon.

I don't know how long we keep dancing but I keep hoping it will last forever. I know soon I will have to pick her up and carry her too bed before she falls asleep in the nursery, after that I'll probably just stare at her resting form or sneak back here to watch Nilak sleep for a while… This knowledge is simple but I crave it and just the thought warms me inside, yet there's still time, I can still dance with her one more time... I can still be with her to the end of time, or better yet, _I can still dance her to the end of love_.

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

(EXTRA ENDING)

Asami stood in the corridor, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible as she leaned against the wall and watched the scene inside the nursery from the corridor wall mirror that reflected the inside of the room at an awkward angle. She had her hand raised to her lips out of instinct to hide the smile but the glitter in her eyes was a dead giveaway of how affected she was by the beautiful scene.

"Asami, what's taking so long? Weren't you just getting the satomobile's keys?" Mako popped up from the stairs behind her, grumbling with a still woozy Bolin at his shoulder and she had to quickly shush them both.

"Shh! Be quiet!" She whispered softly beckoning at the mirror.

"Woah…" Mako whispered softly as he stood next to Asami as silently as possible. The sight of Korra dancing so gracefully was surprising enough but she almost glowed with happiness as she sung in the arms of the scarred man that held her… It was at that second that Mako realized just how happy she was with Noatak and just how much he had underestimated their love.

"That…is the cutest thing…ever…!" Bolin was whispering and leaning his head to the wall while sobbing and sniffing quietly again and the others knew that even if he hadn't been half-drunk he'd probably still cry at the sight of that simple scene.

"I know." Asami murmured and delicately dabbed at the corners of her eyes smiling kindly at Mako. "And you were worried."

"So were you. Noatak is a worrisome character, after all." Mako whispered and planted a kiss on his girlfriend's lips. "Shouldn't we give them some privacy in their own home?"

"Oh Spirits…! That is...so…so…pretty…!" Bolin was still sobbing, now on his knees from the dizziness and whispering with exaggerated emotion with snot and tears all over the place. "Noatak and Korra…it's so…so…squeeeee!" Bolin actually squealed doing a fake bear hug mimic.

"Squee?" Asami smiled, trying not to laugh out loud. "Yeah, let's go before Bolin has a fanboy meltdown."

"You need a girl, Bo." Mako rolled his eyes, whispering softly. "Maybe next time I'll ask Korra to hook you up with that cousin of hers… Though her brother might tag along." Mako chuckled.

"Oh…Yeah, she's pretty…And strong…But, but…" Bolin was waving at the cute scene in the mirror with a dizzy face and tear streaked cheeks. "How can that not melt you?"

"It does, Bo." Mako replied simply as Korra's voice floated along the corridor, poking at his heart with its deep off-key sweetness. "It does."

Asami had surreptitiously snuck into the empty room next to the nursery to retrieve her keys as they talked and when she returned she and Mako hauled Bolin up together and dragged the emotional man away as quietly as they could, though they were sure that even if they stumbled all the way to the door the couple probably wouldn't hear a thing, they were just too wrapped up in their own little world.

"You guys! We should…dance!" Once outside in warm night, Bolin tried to twirl around and pull his brother and Asami into an awkward little circle dance. "To love!"

"To love, Bolin." Asami agreed, letting herself get dragged playfully into the clumsily dance while at the same time coaching Bolin into the satomobile.

"Yeah, to love." Mako agreed almost a bit too quietly but joined Asami's good-humored efforts.

They all knew that so long as Korra was their friend, the surprises would never cease and life was promising to be very interesting…


	3. Track 3 –Bust Your Windows

Track 3 –Bust Your Windows

(Note: This started as a cross between a dramatic fic and gag fic but it ended up being all drama. It's a complete crack pairing, though… I hope you enjoy!

I considered trading the word 'car' for 'satomobile' in the song but I decided to keep it as is. Lyrics will be in _italic_.

Theme: The real reason why Cabbage Corp and Future Industries are such intense business rivals. Pre-cannon.

Song: 'Bust Your Windows", Amber Riley (Glee) version/ original song by Jazmine Sullivan

Warnings: References to M/M, violence, crude language.)

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

'I'm sorry', he says. I'm sorry?! How dare he? I dedicated everything to him and all he can say when he stabs me in the back is 'I'm sorry'?!

I guess I should be used to it by now, he's betrayed me before after all. But I was just starting to get over it and he goes and does THIS to me?!

"DAMN YOU, HIROSHI SATO!" I'm screaming to nobody as I smash my fists into my desk.

I'm pissed off, I'm angry beyond belief! I've never been angry like this before, I usually panic easily and vent my frustrations on silly things but this time this unusual feeling is consuming me like a wildfire and I just want to break something into tiny little pieces, especially if that something happens to be Sato's face.

No…I can't hurt him that way. I loved him for a long time and during the five amazing years in which he loved back every time he did something bad to me all I could do was suck it up and move forward, I could never get angry enough to hit him, though maybe now I'll open an exception.

The newspaper is right in front of me and his face is on the front page. He looks handsome; I love it when wears his black hair all pulled back like that and I love the aristocratic look he gets when he wears those gold-rimmed glasses… What am I thinking?! I sound like a mesmerized little girl!

Maybe I can't help it, maybe I still love him…No, I definitely still love him. We were friends and associates for many years and shared the same dreams, the same projects, and when I finally gathered the drunken courage to kiss him that night seven years ago, it all spiraled out of control and when he kissed back with that saké flavored breath of his I thought I was dreaming. The next morning was awkward though, we woke up in the same bed and barely remembered what had happened but I still remember his words even now:

"Do you regret it, Lau?" His voice had been so mellow that morning. "Because I don't."

Damn that man! As soon as he said those words I was swept off my feet and began stuttering like an infatuated teenage boy that he kissed just to shut my ramblings up, even though I am much older than him, even though I should be the one making him swoon. And I kissed back, I kissed and embraced and rolled all over that bed with him until he was pinning me to the sheets and devouring my mouth like a hungry beast. I reveled in it, I rejoiced in his lust, I loved him so much that I didn't even care about the darker and more aggressive streak that his affections took on after a while, in fact I welcomed the belt and the pliers and the rope and the gags and the whip, I enjoyed it all because I got to have him with me, on me, in me.

Five years. That's all I had- five years with him. I cherish every moment of those five years, even the dark moments, even the secrecy that we had to keep our relationship in, even the times were he only came to see me for work or a quick fuck before disappearing to who knows were again. There was pain in every corner of our love but I cherished it all because I loved him, still do, in fact. Besides he wasn't really evil, he was just repressed, stressed out, and easily driven to the limit, but he had a soft side too.

But then he comes to me and tells me he's getting married; he tells me he's found this lovely little Earth Kingdom girl that he loves and wants to spend the rest of his life with. But that's not the worse part, oh no, the worst part is that instead of just breaking my heart and moving on he tells me I can still be his lover if I don't mind the secrecy…What sort of man does that? A sadistic and selfish man, that's who.

I broke it off. I told him I was finally going to run my family's company and therefore not work with him anymore and I told him I hoped he was happy with his pretty new wife but I would never be his little pet again. I cried like a baby for days after that and I just wanted to rush to his house and kneel at his feet until he took me back but I surprised myself by resisting.

It was two months later that I heard of the engagement and six months after that they married but I wasn't invited…After that I saw him change, he became the man I always wished he would be with me. I saw him act patient, kind, generous and even sweet around that wife of his; she wasn't so bad herself, I met her a few times when Hiroshi and I were still secretly seeing each other but I thought she was just a cover, a way for him to look normal to the world, now I see that he really loved her more than he ever loved me. She seemed to be a good influence to him, though, so I was happy.

I almost accepted it. I almost began to feel genuinely happy that he had found his soul mate, even if he did betray me for it, even if he did still call occasionally under the business pretext only to then tempt me with flirtatious remarks. I was almost over it and now he drops this bomb!

"HOW COULD YOU, HIROSHI?!" I punch his handsome face in the newspaper and read the headline again and again until my eyes fill up with tears of rage: 'Future Industries Releases First Mass Produced Automobile – World Welcomes The Satomobile'

Satomobile! HAH! It's just a fancy new name he patented our joint project under! We designed that beauty together, with my Gan-Lan combustion engine and his structural engineering! It's a gem, it's perfect, it's the work of my life! It's the proof of my loyalty for him! And he goes and takes ALL THE CREDIT TO HIMSELF?

I called him as soon as I saw the front page article, I asked him what in darnation was going through his head when he did this but all he said was 'I'm sorry, Lau' and hung-up in my face. Then again, this new telephone contraption might have just malfunctioned but I'm convinced he really did hang-up.

It's not just the fact that he lied that pains me, it's not just the betrayal of seeing the work of my life stolen without a single mention to my name! What really, REALLY angers me is that he knows this could destroy my Cabbage Corp, the only thing I have left, he knows the cabbage-car I plan on mass-producing and releasing next year is nowhere near as perfect as that gem! My only chance to save my grandfather's company is to find a way to modify the cabbage-car and make it more economical to produce so I can market it as a cheaper alternative to the satomobile, but that can take years to accomplish and while I struggle for that, my pride and joy, my masterpiece, will bring in thousands of yuans to Hiroshi's pocket without a single shred of recognition to my name! And I can't even prove that it's my work as well as his because I trusted him enough to work on that project with him without safeguarding my patent!

I am a fool but Hiroshi Sato is a cruel back-stabber!

I crumple the newspaper and chuck it in the fireplace that burns in my office just to watch Hiroshi's face turn to ash. I'm not sure what to do. There's too much rage bubbling in me right now to just ignore this. Maybe I should talk to Hiroshi, maybe I should convince him to at least give some credit, if not a percentage of the profits. He might do it, if he ever loved me he might hold enough respect to give that much.

I make my decision and pick up my coat. My first cabbage-car, my private little project that I honed in my own backyard, waits for me downstairs and all it takes is a few pumps to the engine to get it running like a charm, despite the small smoke problem I'm still trying to fix.

Hiroshi doesn't live that far from me, it takes me fifteen minutes to get to his home and in that time I've been thinking up what to say to him, what I can try to talk some reason into him. It's almost sunset and as soon as I come into view of his house, I see him leaving with that pretty green-eyed wife of his, probably off to dine out; they are smiling and walking down the street without a care in the world and he keeps reaching to caress her bumpy stomach… I get the picture now, I get why he released the satomobile at this very moment, I get why he won't even consider giving me credit- he's vouching for the future of his offspring, his trying to turn Future Industries into a legacy.

My determination to see eye to eye with him disappears almost immediately, I can understand him and I am reluctant to step on that lovely woman's joy but I'm still angry, I'm still betrayed and I drive past his gate and into his yard without even thinking about it.

I see it there and t takes my breath away completely- the first satomobile rest immaculately in Hiroshi's yard. It's beautiful, every detail of the build, the shiny leather upholstery, the flawless glass windows, the perfection of the closed canopy, the faultlessly balanced wheels, the polished black and cream of the paint job that makes it shimmer under the sunshine… I just want to worship it like a work of art!

And then I remember that it should also be mine. I remember that Hiroshi took this from me. I remember all the times he stabbed in the back. How come he gets to have everything and I have nothing? He gets a beautiful wife, he gets a successful company, he gets a child to love, he gets those handsome looks, he gets my perfect masterpiece and what do I get, huh? I get a family enterprise that is falling apart, a bride my family decided on and a heart ripped to shreds! But that's not so bad, is it? Because HIROSHI IS HAPPY! HAHAHAHAHAH!

My cabbage-car gives out and I know I need to pump it back on if I want to leave but when I automatically reach back for the pumping rod my eyes fall on a greasy crowbar I used just the other day… It gives me dark ideas.

I think I'm going crazy. I think I'm going to scream, I don't know what to do or how to vent the pain but the mixed feelings in me are driving me to hysteria and I know I'm seconds away from doing something insane. In fact, I must be insane already because I'm hearing music in my head… music with sharp menacing notes. I think I'm about to hysterically sing my message to Hiroshi.

I move out of my cabbage-car with that greasy crowbar in my hands and walk to that beauty that should have been mine. Well, I guess a song that Hiroshi can't hear is not worth a thing unless I leave my mark. I'm tired of being betrayed, I'm tired of taking the pain and being Mr. Nice-Guy. Time for Lau Gan-Lan to get some payback.

_"I bust the windows out your car!"_

I smash my fist right into the driver's side window, shattering my own crazed reflection and ignoring the cuts that slither up my knuckles. It's not enough, it feels good but it's not enough.

_"And no it didn't mend my broken heart._

_I'll probably always have these ugly scars_

_But right now I don't care about that part!"_

I know my hands will probably be irreparably marked after this but I really don't give a damn as I swing the crowbar right into the door, denting it beyond repair. Then again, he's left scars on me before, both physical and emotional, and latter are so much worse than a few shards of glass.

_"I bust the windows out your car…"_

I smash my fist into the next window and laugh at the pleasing tinkling sound it makes as it crumbles off.

_"After I saw you looking right at her!"_

Yeah, I'm not sure if I mean the satomobile or his wife but both of those made me crazy. From the moment he said he'd marry the woman and started looking only at her I lost it, and from the moment I saw his picture in the paper, looking and pointing at the beauty that should have been mine too, something in me broke. I now rip and stab at that perfect canvas of the satomobile's roof as it were Hiroshi's skin.

_"I didn't wanna but I took my turn,_

_I'm glad I did it 'cause you had to learn."_

Yes, I'm pretty sure destroying this work of art will teach him a lesson even if it hurts me just as much as him. Then again, I'm used to pain and here comes another round of it when I smash both fists into the back window- glass flies everywhere and blood spatters and drips all over the perfect paint job.

_"I must admit it helped a little bit_

_To think of how you felt when you saw it,_

_I didn't know that I had that much strength_

_But I'm glad you see what happens when…"_

I really never knew I could be this strong, I never knew I could lose to my anger so completely and I never imagined I could destroy something so wonderful just to teach that asshole a lesson but here I am- prying off the doors of the satomobile with this crowbar, using all my power and it feels GOOD. The only thing that feels better is knowing that he will feel pain and a stab to his pride like never before when he sees my handy work.

_"You see, you can't just play with people's feelings!_

_Tell them you love them and don't mean it."_

No, Hiroshi, you can't do that. Not anymore, you did that to me for years and now I know you were just using me as your fucking toy! Well then…here I go smashing open the hood of your precious satomobile with my crowbar.

_"You'd probably say that it was juvenile_

_But I think that I deserve to smile!"_

Yeah, I know this is stupid, I know that even though I'm much older than Hiroshi he always thought of me as immature, but I don't care, is it really so much to ask for a little happiness to come my way?

_"I bust the windows out your car._

_You know I did it 'cause I left my mark,_

_Wrote my initials with a crowbar_

_And then I drove off into the dark!"_

I scrape the first character of my name onto the side of his precious satomobile, scrapping and ripping the immaculate paint and the polished steel so he knows it was me. I plan I driving off as soon as I'm done because as much as I want to see his reaction, I really can't stand to look at his face right now, so let him know who he pissed off, let him know and if he wants to press charges he can go ahead and try.

_"I bust the windows out your car._

_You should feel lucky that that's all I did._

_After five whole years of this bullshit?!_

_Gave you all of me and you played with it!"_

He really should count himself lucky, I could always press charges and let the police find the proof they need about his theft and abuse of trust. Shit, I could even let the world know we were lovers and watch it ruin his reputation and his marriage! But I won't do it because I'm not that petty, not even after five years of this crap, five years of loving him and giving him everything just to feel the cold harsh reality of his betrayal.

_"I must admit it helped a little bit,_

_To think of you feel when you saw it."_

Yes, this is helping. As I smash the engine apart and rip off the grid I starting feeling better even if I'm still hysterical and screaming everything in song. It gives me insane pleasure to imagine how Hiroshi will feel when he finds his precious first satomobile reduced to scrap-metal… For a moment I wonder if this was the sort of pleasure he felt when he inflicted pain on me, it certainly would explain why he fucked like animal out of control every time he heard me scream.

_"I didn't think that I had that much strength_

_But I'm glad you see what happens when…_

_You see, you can't just play with people's feelings,_

_Tell them you love them and don't mean it._

_You'd probably say that it was juvenile_

_But I think that I deserve to smile!"_

I know I'm repeating myself by now, but I can't stop. I need to let it all out just as much as I need to slash these tires and rip off each frame of the wheels and each axel. My throat hurts, probably from screaming in song and laughing maniacally; and my eyes are blurry and I can't really tell if it's from crying so hard or from the blood that's smudged all over this wrecked vehicle.

_"Bust the windows out your car…_

_But it don't compare to my broken heart._

_You can never feel like I felt that day_

_Until that happens, baby, you don't know pain!"_

It's true. I'm destroying Hiroshi's most prized possession but it's still not enough, it makes me feel good but it's nowhere near enough to make him understand the depth of my agony and the bottomless pit of his treachery. I can smash as many windows as I want and they still won't shatter into as many pieces as my heart did when he left, when he married, when he made this beauty behind my back.

_"Noooo!"_

No, the pain he will get from this will never compare to what he did to me but I love him too much to do anything worse… I think the mixed feeling are driving me even crazier now because I can hear my own voice echoing in my head in song like a chorus.

_«Yeah, I did it…»_

_"You should know it!"_

_«You should know it.»_

Yes, he should, he should know it. I smash my bloody palm right next to the initial of my name just to let him see my handprint, the bloody print of that hand that worked with him, for him, that hand that bled for his sadism and held him with passion and love!

_"I ain't sorry!"_

_«I ain't sorry…»_

_"You deserved it!"_

_«You deserved it.»_

_"After what you did to me you deserved it!"_

He deserves this and so much more! That man deserves a punishment worse than death! I hope someday he feels my pain! I hope someday he will know what it's like to have the person he loves the most stab him in the back and betray him and all he stands for!

_"I ain't sorry…"_

Maybe I am a little… I love him, after all.

_"Nooooo! Nooooo! Noooooooo!_

_You caused me pain!"_

I can't think like that! I have to hate him if I even want to move on, I have to despise him if I want to be happy again! I have to remember everything he did and I have to punish him for this! So I'm now ripping the steering wheel right off and flinging it at the outside wall as hard as I can, watching it splinter and break while I start slashing at all the leather upholstery as if I'm stabbing that traitor!

_"Even though what you did to me was much worse,_

_I had to do something to make it hurt."_

I'd say destroying his most prized possession, one that was supposed to be mine too, is something alright! And I hope it hurts like a son-of-a-bitch when that asshole sees it!

_"Oh, but why am I still crying?_

_Why am I the who's still crying?"_

I can't really understand that. Here I am, getting my revenge as I smash in his dashboard, and I'm the one who's crying. I'm the one still filled with pain and love and sadness and hate.

_"Oh, Oh, you really hurt me baby!_

_You really, you really hurt me, babe…"_

Spirits, I can't believe I let him hurt me this much… It's ripping me up inside like a thousand tortures, it's so painful that even my ruined hands, now slashed to ribbons, can't compare.

_"Now watch me, you._

_Now watch me…_

_I bust the windows out your car!"_

I smash my destroyed hands into the front windshield and watch it crack as my fingers go right through it. I then grab the crowbar with my blood-soaked hands and shatter it to bits. By the time I'm done, the satomobile is unrecognizable and no more than a giant pile of scrap that Hiroshi will never be able to put back together.

I'm done. The vehicle is a wreck, my vengeance is done, my feelings have been let out and the high is fading. I'm on my knees, crying and screaming so loud that I'm surprised nobody has heard me yet…

Shit! My vision blurs again and I finally start to feel the sharp indescribable pain in my hands. There's blood everywhere and I'm sure that I might die if I don't get help soon but I'm actually enjoying the pain because it's dulling my thoughts and the horrible agony of my feelings.

Time to go. I drag myself to my cabbage-car and force my arms to endure a little more pain as I pump it into a start, then I pull myself into the vehicle and drive out the gate and into the dark night. I don't plan on ever returning here again, from now on all Hiroshi is to me is my rival in business and I will never look back beyond this day again.

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

~Many years later~

I sit in my office, feeling old and grey and weary as I warm my feet by the fireplace. It's Hiroshi's birthday and as much as I told myself I wouldn't look back to the past, this is the one day of the year when I can't help it.

I'm considering everything that happened… I got my wish about watching Hiroshi suffer- I saw him loose his wife and the pain it drove him to, I saw him age with the burden of his work and a daughter to raise.

After many years, I was beginning to feel sorry for him and wondering if something could bloom between us again now that he was a widow, my wife and I were estranged as well and both of our children were all grown up…But he betrayed me again, he used me as a scapegoat for his own elicit activities and I watched him slowly go insane after having joined those terrorists that called themselves equalists. I saw his daughter turning against him as well and knew that he had finally sampled the taste of betrayal, just like I had desired.

I could have buried the man, back when I was arrested I had enough things against him to take him down with me, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't hurt him anymore for the same reason why I couldn't shut off the past completely, all because of one phone call.

I had been recuperating at home after the healers patched me from the extensive wounds to my hands. I had been found a block away from the hospital, passed out in my cabbage-car and they told me I nearly died from blood loss but after a day of water-healing it became obvious I was going to live and it seemed I'd recover full use of my hands.

I was reading a tabloid that morning, it featured an article about the destruction of Hiroshi's first satomobile, it even mentioned the bloody mess but left out my initial. I had no idea why the police hadn't come for me yet, Hiroshi certainly had enough to know it was me but so far no charges had been pressed. The phone rang after I put the paper down and my assistant brought it to me.

"Lau." I heard Hiroshi call my name as soon as the receiver was up to my ear.

"What do you want, Sato?" I snapped at him but I was more tired than angry.

"I heard you were at the hospital. Are you ok?" His words stunned me silent, he actually sounded genuinely worried and I couldn't find my voice to reply. "Lau, are you ok?" He insisted.

"I'll live." I didn't just mean I'd physically live, I meant I would survive what he did to me and move on.

"Will your hands ever recover?" He knew how important my hands were to me, he knew how I loved my work and here he was asking me this as if he really cared for my well-being.

"Yes." My voice shook, I knew I was about to cry again so instead I decided to get angry. "Why are you asking these things?! You know it was me, don't you?"

"I know." I could hear the sorrow in his voice and by then I was really weeping. "I'm glad you're alright."

"Fuck you, Hiroshi." I was openly crying and I hated him for caring, I hated him for not hating me over what I did, I hated him for making me love him all over again.

"Goodbye, Lau." I heard his voice hesitate. "And I'm sorry."

He hung up on me again and I smashed the phone against the wall. I probably cried even harder then than I had when I turned his prized satomobile to wreckage, but I moved on.

I got married to the sweet woman my parents had arranged for me and we had a son, I never loved my wife as much as I should but she was my best friend and we learned to enjoy each other's company until recent years.

I tried to distance myself from Hiroshi after that call, I only talked to him for business and even that I avoided. We developed a strong rivalry between our companies, always trying to best each other, but he still invited me to his wife's funeral and to his daughter's social debut, he still kept in touch and I couldn't avoid watching his every move.

I guess I still love him somewhat…And my hatred had simmered down considerably over the years, I'm not even that mad about the scapegoat thing because I have Cabbage Corp back now and Future Industries is in the very capable hands of Miss Sato with whom I enjoy doing business.

Who knows, maybe one of these days I'll visit Hiroshi in prison.


	4. Track 4 –If Your Kisses Can't Hold

Track 4 –If Your Kisses Can't Hold The Man You Love

(Note: Some minor words in the lyrics were changed to adapt to the LoK universe a little better.

Theme: How Toph helped when Tenzin left Lin for Pema. Pre-cannon.

Song: 'If Your Kisses Can't Hold The Man You Love' by Rasputina)

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~~

I can't believe it. I just can't. Why would he do this to me? ME? Why would he pick that silly little non-bender over me?! What is going through that damned bald head of his?!

I hate this. I hate having to deal with…_feelings_. Even the word sounds so weak and uncharacteristic of me. But I'm in pain, so much pain, so I guess there's nothing I can do but reduce myself to this swiveling little crying girl. Wait, what the fuck am I saying? I should be getting pissed off, not sad! That bitch stole my man!

Oh Spirits, my mind is a mess, I don't know what to feel anymore. To make matters worse, I'm home now and I just know she'll be able to tell something's wrong, I know she won't quit badgering me until I confess…and I always confess, she's just that good. That's probably why I'm so good at my job too, because I really did learn from the best and all those jerks that underestimated me and assumed I got my status just because of family got their asses handed to them by yours truly.

I barely manage to slide the door open and step inside and she's already there, popping her beautiful barely lined porcelain face out the door of her room, though said face is at floor level so I assume she's been napping on the ground again.

"Lin? Home already, Pebble?" Her teasing tomboyish voice reaches my ears like a breath of fresh air despite my stress and I just so happen to sigh.

"Yes, mother." I don't even know why I bother to reply when she knows perfectly well it's me and still uses that silly moniker.

"Ok, what's wrong?" She's already on her feet, she's still very nimble despite her age and I watch her move up to me with speed that a woman pushing sixty really should not possess.

"Nothing, mother." I roll my eyes and she probably knows I'm doing it, even if her milky jade eyes have never seen single glimpse of my face.

"You only call me mother when you're in a bad mood." She points out casually.

"I almost always call you mother." I reply sternly.

"Exactly." She chuckles and her calloused weathered hand finds my metal clad arm. "Talk to mummy, dear."

"Stop mimicking master Katara." I admonish softly, even though she has already managed to mollify my snappy mood.

"Ah, you wound me, Pebble." She holds a hand to her chest in a mockery of hurt. "Do you think I'm incapable of being a warm mummy?"

"No, I just find you incapable of talking like a prissy lady." I have a brow cocked at her as I guide her steps into the kitchen, not that she needs it, she can orient herself perfectly on our stone floors.

"Bingo!" She laughs, almost like a kid and I can't help but smiling a little. I just love her so much.

I watch her grab a dozen dumplings from the table and sit on the floor, popping them in her mouth as she looks into nothingness. I notice that she's wearing her old training clothes again- the loose shin-long green slacks and matching shirt, the washed out yellow and moss tunic that overlaps it all, the bright yellow sash, the anklets and armlets and the green circlet with golden ties that holds her grey-streaked black hair back, even though right now it's messy and barely composed from rolling around asleep on the ground and her fringe drops in front of her face and down to her nose.

"Where did you get those?" I sit at the table with my usual stiffness and steal a dumpling from her hands to taste it. It's delicious with some sort of sweet plum paste on the inside.

"Aunt Suki." She replies with that hint of resignation I always hear in her voice when she says Aunt Suki's name, I never understood that, I know they are good friends so I don't get why mom has such a strange mood about her when Suki is involved.

"She visited, huh? Well, good, you need more than just your students to keep you company." I comment for no reason other than keeping the topic of conversation away from myself.

"I always have you, Pebble." She grins with a mouth full of dumplings.

"Mom, I'm thirty-five. Will you ever stop with that nickname?" I'm scowling now and she probably knows it too.

"As I said to the Avatar –'Fraid not." She chuckles and tosses a dumpling at me, which I catch with ease.

"You are incorrigible." I sigh dramatically but resign myself to being called Pebble for the rest of my life.

"If I wanted a lecture, I'd ask your grandparents." She sticks her tongue out at me.

"They're dead." I chew on my dumpling casually.

"Precisely!" She doesn't really seem bothered and I knew she wouldn't. After granma Poppy died, mom was inconsolable but then dad died and she decided to become a firm believer that weeping the dead was useless since she would just meet them in the next life, I guess that's an easier way of living than pining over the loss of loved ones.

"What else happened today?" Now I'm just buying time before she makes me talk, I'm trying my best to keep my heart steady and my breath normal before she notices just how distressed I am.

"Bumi's in town. On leave from what I hear. Katara wants to organize some sort of picnic thingy." She makes a face and rolls around on the floor. "I told her so long as it's outdoors and I don't have to take that damned ferry to the island then that's fine by me."

"I see…" I don't think I'll be going to that particular reunion but I can't really say that to mom.

"Lin, talk. I've given you enough time to think it through." She snaps at me with her usual authority.

"About what, mother?" I reply with all my sass.

"What's bothering you. I can feel your heart race, I hear your edgy breath, I can sense the tension on your body and smell the salt on your cheeks." Her voice is louder now, she's always been quick to yell but I know she's more worried than angry. "Talk."

"Is that an order, Chief?" I know I'm being insolent now but I really don't want to talk about this and I'd rather have her angry at me than have her worried.

"Don't use that tone on me! You're a hundred years too early to defy me, lily liver!" Yes, she's shouting now, she loves to do that, she's even reverted to the derogative nickname she uses on all her students, myself included.

"Or what, Chief? Going to arrest me?" I snap at her again and move away just in time to avoid the stone punch that she bends right out of the ground. I feel a sting of pain and I sure my abrupt move must have strained the wound on my jaw but I don't really care. "You're getting slow, old lady."

"And you're getting cocky, little girl." She snaps at me and feel the immediate bind of her meteor bracelet being bent to cuff my hands behind me, it's too fast and too precise to allow me to dodge. She'll always be the best.

"Let me go, mother." I demand angrily.

"Or what? What is little Captain Beifong going to do to this old lady?" She's standing in front of me and teasing me, I can actually see my childhood tantrums replay in front of eyes and I immediately regret all my sass.

"I apologize for my rudeness, just please let me go." I sigh in defeat. I'm too tired to handle my mother's little games.

"This must really be bad if my proud little Pebble won't even try to fight back." I hear her tone soften and the grip of metal releases as she bends the bracelet back into her arms with care, it really is her most precious possession.

"Mom, please. Not now." I shake my head and get up, I'm planning to drag myself up to my room and nap before I get pissed off again or break down crying.

"Your heart is racing. Tell me what happened, Lin." She orders me again but with more kindness this time.

"Mom…" I sigh and punch the wall with frustration, accidentally bending a crater into it.

"That bad, huh?" She gets up to walk to me and trace the compress over my cheek. "This is bleeding, I can smell it. Let's get you patched up."

She practically drags me up the stone stairs to my room and forces me onto a bench as she fumbles with the medicine cabinet. I watch her skilled fingers trace the edges of every bottle, box and package, checking for the marks she left on them herself. Finally she selects a package, sniffs it and grabs a compress patch, then she blindly reaches for a cup and sticks her finger inside while pouring water into it from a jar, once she is satisfied that the water has reached the right level on her finger she brings the cup back to me and pours the contents of package into it. I immediately feel the strong fresh and slightly acrid scent of healing herbs and she lets me stir until after several minutes of silent grinding all I have in the cup is a now sodden, mushy green paste. She grips the compress edge on my cheek and rips it away swiftly and efficiently but I have to bit the inside of my lip to keep from groaning in pain as the sticky sap that glued the compress onto my skin gets pulled out tugging hard enough to feel as if my flesh is tearing of in those short seconds.

The two angry jagged cuts on my jaw and cheek really do seem to be bleeding slightly again but before I can determine the damage she grabs a handful of the mushy green paste and slaps it onto the stinging bleeding wound before applying the fresh compress over it. She's always a little too rough, but at least this time she got the compress to stick right rather than inside out like last time.

"Did I do it right?" She asks poutily.

"Yes, mother." I replied quietly, feeling humbled by her care. It's not easy to get my mother to do these things for anyone, it's not easy to get her to worry, so when she does I feel all my anger and resolve turn to dust.

"Will you talk to me now?" She wraps both of her mint smelling hands around my neck and stands behind me as I remain seated. It's her version of a hug, she learned it from dad, and all I can do is raise my hands to hers and lean into the embrace. I take too long to answer though and she retorts a little snippily- "Did you nod or shake your head? 'Cause if you nodded or shook your head that's a stupid way to answer me."

"Yes, you're blind, I know." I answer with exasperation and nod more to myself than to her. It's not that I don't like her blind jokes, it's just that I already know them all. "Mom…"

"Is it work?" She cocks her head and I know she's sensing everything about me for an answer. "No, that's not it. Is it Tenzin?"

My heart skips a beat and I swallow audibly. I have to close my eyes because if I don't I'm afraid I'll cry but I can hear her shift closer to me and say: "Tenzin it is. What did the wind-chime do this time?"

"He left me." I speak the words out loud for the first time and they break me inside, but I still manage to keep my stony face, I won't let him make me cry.

"What…? I didn't see that one coming." Her eyebrows rise so high that they seem to disappear into her hair.

"You don't see anything, mother." I retort with what tiny piece of humor I can conjure up.

"Ka-ching! That's my girl, way to catch that one." She grins widely but it quickly simmers down into her blank stare again with her opaline green eyes looking into nothing as her grip on my body tightens. "What happened, Pebble?"

"He cheated on me with the daughter of that Fire Nation woman that always hangs around aunt Suki. It was quite some time ago…" I trail off. I really don't want to go into details.

"Wanna be more specific? Suki and I know a lot of Fire Nation girls." Mom shrugs and I know she's dying to know.

"Ty Lee's daughter." I huff, I could have just said the woman's name but I despise her so much right now that I can't even utter it.

"Pema?" Mom says the name so casually but I grit my teeth and feel my hands fist so hard that my knuckles pop. Just the name is making me want to break something.

"Yeah, her." I want to spit at the mere mention of the woman. Hell, she's not even a real woman, she's fifteen years my junior, a girl next to me. "I thought it meant nothing but apparently they kept seeing each other and now he tells me he loves her."

"Ouch… I assume you laid the hurt on him for it?" She sounds blood-thirsty and I know that she'd kick Tenzin's ass for hurting me if I just asked but I don't want her to get involved, she one of the best and closest friends of Tenzin's parents and I won't ruin that.

"Yeah… I kinda kicked his butt into the mud for it." That still pissed me off. The way he just stood there and took all the beating I could hand out to him, I would have preferred if got angry and fought back but noooooo, he just defended himself enough to avoid getting killed and actually let me punch his lights out. It really pisses me off because I still love him and I hate that I lost myself and hurt him, it pisses me off because it means he really felt guilty and was really determined to let me make him pay because it really was the end. I guess he figured it was the only way for us to have a clean break.

"I should have known that girl was trouble! Her mother was always such a flirt, seems the apple didn't fall far from the tree." Mom sounds a little bitter, I don't think she really has any issues with Ty Lee so I guess she's just mad for me. "Did you kick her butt too or does she do that creepy chi-blocking thing too?"

"No, mom, she doesn't fight and it would be unfair for someone like me to attack an innocent non-bender." I can feel the scowl on my face again and the word innocent tastes bitter on my tongue. "Plus, there's my job. A police officer shouldn't hit civilians."

"What about Tenzin?" Mom is grinning again and she already knows what I'm going to say.

"I opened an exception for him. The Avatar's son is not at any disadvantage against me." I shrug but I feel so depressed that I hit him now.

"You should have just thrown the bitch in jail." Mom is still grinning. Damn it, she reads me too well.

"Hm…" I don't even have to answer, there's no use. Toph Beifong is too good at predicting my moves.

"You did, didn't you?" She's smirking and I can tell she's proud of me even if arresting an innocent over heartbreak is a serious misuse of my power and we both know it.

"I tried." I roll my eyes in annoyance. "I charged her with the things most likely to stick but Tenzin bailed her out before I even closed the cell door. I couldn't very well cause a scene so I let them go, I just wanted to scare her off anyway." I'm feeling guilty at my power abuse but more than that I'm feeling angry that my plan failed so miserably.

"Given how depressed you look, I assume it didn't work." Mom nails the issue right in the heart.

"How do you know how I look?" I tease miserably before giving up on the joke.

"I know everything about you, Pebble." She caresses my cheek and I realize my eyes are stinging in my stony face, I refuse to cry but her warmth is cracking through my façade of calm.

"Yeah, well, no it didn't work." I close my eyes again, I don't even remember when I opened them before but that doesn't matter. "They're still together."

"I'm sorry, Pebble." She leans down to kiss my cheek and I can't help but lean to her. Whenever mom kisses me it's because the situation is serious, she's just never been to open to affection because of her defiant, boyish and overly provocative nature.

"Mom…" Damn it! I swore I wouldn't cry! Why the fuck am I crying like a child in her arms?! I just want to stop, I want to break things and vent my fury but all I can do is pull my mom into a hug and cry on her lap like a little five year old whose puppy just died.

"Oh, baby." She pets my perfectly done up hair softly and I can hear the loss in her voice, she never knows what to do in these situations, that's probably why I love her in the bad times, she always resorts to humor and distracts me because she really can't do anything else. "Don't cry, Pebble. Don't cry, it's not worth it."

"I can't help it, mom! He broke my heart! He cheated!" I'm screaming and I know she hates that but she doesn't let go as I soak her tunic with tears.

"I know, I know." She holds me tighter, her fingers are still combing my hair.

"What should I do, mom?!" I sob, I'm ashamed of myself for breaking apart like this but I sob and plead like mad. "How to I handle this?"

There's a pause. My mother is very silent and I know she's trying to figure out what to do, I somewhat expect her to tell me to go practice or maybe she'll make some joke to lighten the mood and distract me. It wouldn't work though, this is my first real heartbreak, I've known Tenzin since I was born, I've loved him since I was a teen and we've been together since we were in our twenties. I can't just throw away over a decade just like that, I can't just move on like it was a one-time fling.

Mom moves and kneels in front of me with a stony face. I'm afraid she'll smack me for being a wimp and crying so hard, she's done it before.

_"Every time that I hear a woman cry_

_'Cause her man has left her flat… _

_I just feel like saying_

_'Don't be such a fool, you fool!'"_

Mom is singing, actually singing! Toph Beifong, the woman who wouldn't even sing me a lullaby to sleep as baby, the woman that only knows crude rude songs and only sings in yells with the boys when she's half drunk, is actually singing a song to me now! Her tone is a little disdainful and aggressive but also warm and sweet and she's surprisingly good, not tuneless at all- I assume being blind makes her ears more sensitive even to her own voice.

"Mother, what are you doing?" I speak the words a bit tersely but she's stunned me so much with her breaking into song attitude that I can't even take offense at being called a fool. I decide I better listen to what she has to say, since hearing my mother sing like this is probably a once in a lifetime experience.

_"Better dry your eyes, can't you realize,_

_You gain nothing by that!"_

"Mother, you're scaring me." It's her crazy little song that has me shocked but she ignores my words completely and she's clumsily wiping the tears from my cheeks, actually poking at my eyes with her blind determination (which only makes me cry more), but her devotion warms my cold broken heart.

_"Well, that's no way to keep his heart warm, baby,_

_When his love grows cool!"_

I guess she's right, my tears wouldn't make Tenzin love me, he'd probably just pity me.

_"What's the use in sighing?_

_And what's the use in crying?_

_If he's wandered off the track?"_

She's right again, crying and sighing will do nothing for me. I should just get pissed off and go fight for him, I should just steal him from Pema like she did to me in the first place! But… it hurts too badly and I just want to cry more, the tears are still flowing freely and for the most humiliating moment I wonder if Tenzin would pity me enough to come back if I begged.

_"'Cause if your kisses won't hold the man you love_

_Then your tears won't bring him back."_

I'm slightly offended now, is mom implying that I wasn't a good enough lover to keep Tenzin around? Or is she telling me not to forfeit my pride and cry for him? I'm confused and the vague line between rage and sadness is thinning even further.

_"No, you might as well be cheerful,_

_There's no use being tearful, _

_If he' giving you the sack!"_

How can I possibly be cheerful when the love of my life is leaving me for another younger woman? How can she suggest that?

_"'Cause if your kisses won't hold the man you love_

_Then your tears won't bring him back."_

I'm starting to think that I'm misunderstanding her words, she keeps emphasizing the chorus of the song and I think I need to see this from a different angle. I think she wants me to face that Tenzin just loves Pema more than me and my sorrow won't change that.

_"Now listen, if sweet sugar kissing _

_Isn't gonna make him come home…_

_Tell me, how do 'ya hope to keep him to 'ya_

_With tears instead of song?"_

I'm starting to get her point now- if my love isn't enough for him, if my feelings aren't enough to make him stay, then why should I cling on? Beating him up and crying are probably the worse things I could have done to handle this.

_"Just be a normal fella,_

_Come on, say 'What the hell-a!'_

_Get his clothes and help him to pack!"_

I know it is just an analogy but mom's right yet again, maybe I should just talk to him and get all our emotional baggage out of the way. Maybe after everything is cleaned out we can still salvage something…Even if that something isn't the love I want.

_"'Cause if your kisses won't hold the man you love_

_Then your tears won't bring him back."_

Yeah, I'm starting to like these words, I'm starting to want to sing them along with her because she's right. If that jerk won't stay for my love than he doesn't deserve it at all.

_"Love is like home cooking: good, and wholesome,_

_But all men need some mutton on the outside now and then._

_If you find your boy is cheating,_

_Do the same, old dear,_

_He's only giving you the chance that you've been waiting for for years!"_

I'm stumped now. I know mom is big on getting even and all but that she's actually suggesting that I have an affair just get back at Tenzin really confounds me. We're not even together anymore so how would that be getting even? Getting over him, maybe. But even? I don't see how.

_"My goodness! Tears won't get you anything._

_Just a shiny red nose…_

_Go on, paint up, powder up, put on your swellest clothes!"_

She's actually tossing clothes in the air right now just to make a point and she empties my rarely used cosmetic drawer all over my lap. She's actually trying to paint my lips but gets maroon pigment all over my face instead, I won't tell her that though, or she'll laugh her head off and never finish this song.

_"Then, go get 'em by the score!_

_Neglected girls shouldn't worry,_

_That's what the Spirits made sailors for!"_

My goodness, sailors?! I finally get it! She's telling me to chase after Bumi! He's always been head over heels for me and I could certainly teach Tenzin a lesson if I picked his older brother over him. But I'm reluctant… I like Bumi, always have, but not as much as Tenzin. I still want Tenzin. I don't want to use Bumi… or do I?

_"Don't cry for him or chase him._

_Just go out and replace him_

_With some good looking Bumi, Li or Pak!"_

Ok, now she's just being coarse and way to forward… But I'm starting to like the idea.

_"'Cause if your kisses won't hold the man you love_

_Then your tears won't bring him back."_

I'm not sure what to do. Mom's song has confused me as much as enlightened me and I get a feeling she's talking from experience too. I know that following all this crazy advice might be less than honorable but is it really so bad? Tenzin did cheat, after all, so don't I deserve a little comfort?

"Mom, I still love him…" I let the words slip sadly, even though I'm already determined to follow her advice and I'm wiping away the tears.

_"If your kisses won't hold the man you love_

_Then your tears won't bring him back."_

She finishes the song by highlighting those words again as a reply to my statement.

Mom is right, there's no use crying over this. If he won't stay for my love then I really don't want him to stay for my tears; if he won't stay for all the love and devotion that I have to give than maybe he really doesn't deserve it.

"Thanks, mom." I hug my mother like I've never hugged her before, I nuzzle my face into her chest, both to get even with her by cleaning my lip-paint stained face on her tunic and to revel in the comfort she's handing out. I feel like a teenager again and, as always, my mom really is my best friend.

"Go get 'em, badgermole!" She smiles, hugging back way too tight- I think I hear my ribs crack but I refuse to let go.

"I love you, mom." I kiss her cheek in a way I haven't done in years and get up, regaining my composure once and for all.

"I love you too, Pebble." She's still smiling when I walk out the door and I see her wave at me, though she's waving at the wrong direction and it makes me smile.

I'm going after Bumi, I've decided already. Given his personally he'll undoubtedly understand that he's being used but he probably won't care so long as he gets me. Bumi is like that, he lives in the moment and he's good at giving comfort and cheering me up, even if he is pretty crazy and the opposite of my controlled self…Maybe that's what I need, maybe that's why in the end Tenzin and I weren't compatible.

Tenzin seems happy now too, happier than he ever was with me. I love him enough to respect that, I just hope someday the wounds will heal and we can all be friends again, just like we were in those simple uncomplicated years when we were teenagers; who knows, maybe I'll even learn to respect Pema. But even if those things don't come to fruition, I won't cry for Tenzin again because if my kisses couldn't hold him, then my tears won't bring him back.


	5. Track 5- Good Enough

Track 5- Good Enough

(Note: This is very depressing and angsty but also romantic. I changed the details of Korra and Amon's last fight as well as several other details but it is mostly within the cannon ending.

Lyrics will be in _italic_.

Theme: Amon wrestles between his ethics and his newfound love. Semi-AU.

Song: 'Good Enough' by Evanescence)

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

I believe it is safe to say that have gone mad. She has driven me insane, that minx, that sorceress, that incompetent tyrant, that bender of hearts… No, she is none of those things. She is pure and lovely, she has the most compassionate heart and the only reason I now despise her is because she shatters everything I have ever believed in; without knowing she makes me feel wretched and disgusting in comparison.

My lies have consumed me, I hadn't realized it but now I do. My intentions were honorable and my desires were only for justice, fairness and equality but after years of power, after decades with followers looking up to me for guidance and inflating my ego, after so long lying about who and what I am… My ideals have become a mere shadow, a mockery of what they were, and I have become a monster in every sense of the word.

I hate myself. I hate Amon with every fiber of my being. I thought I was an honored man, I thought my ethics were just and superior, I believed I would lead the world into the light, into a better future, I convinced myself that war and tyranny would end once my goals have been achieved! But now… as I watch my army rally for a conflict brought on by no one but myself, as I see the men and women willing to die for my cause, as I watch the city I craved to change fall into chaos, as I see all the people whose souls I have destroyed with my malignant abilities, I am looking into my reflection.

I am not a man, I am no longer that young idealistic boy who craved power but wished to use it for a greater good, I am not that boy who ran away from a tyrannical father to protect a weaker brother and prove that I could surpass everything my father had imprinted in me, I am no longer that youngster who worshipped the Avatar and wished only to imitate him and free the world of what I perceived was the source of all its misery, no, I am no longer that person, I have become the very thing I hate, I have become a oppressor, I have turned into a power-hungry hater whose goals are nothing but a mask of my real agenda, a mask like the one I wear to hide my lies.

She broke that mask. It was so quick, so simple that I barely even realized what had happened. I tried to keep her distant, I tried to see her as nothing but one more piece in the board game, just as I saw everyone else around me; even my own brother, who I had wish so badly to protect in the past, had become no more than a pawn to manipulate, no more than a target. But she became so much more than a game piece, she was the thing I had always envied, the creature I had always admired and as much as I made her the head mark, something in me just couldn't stop the magnetic pull that drove me to her.

I remember that night, that simple single night in which everything changed- she was alone and heartbroken, my plan to scar her with fear had worked perfectly but it was her personal life that drove her to tears that night, the man she wanted had chosen another and everything else was collapsing into war. It was just after I had 'saved' her from my brother; of course I had never revealed that my intentions had been to take her for myself and remove my brother from play and henceforth from the line of fire, I hid behind the façade of punishing Councilman Tarrlok and capturing the Avatar and nobody was any wiser, but she escaped, smart resourceful girl that she was, and I did not attempt as much as I could to pursue her.

I later heard she was severely injured and hypothermic after the escape and I felt wretched and anxious, though at the time I did not understand why in the least. I tracked her down to try and comprehend those strange misgivings and doubts that she was conjuring in me and followed her days later until I found her sitting at the place I least expected- Avatar Aang Memorial.

After all the negative emotions and traumas I had imprinted on her in that spot, it was the last place I expected her to go, but there she was that night, alone and asking for guidance, weeping over a city at war and the man she wanted and could not have. I approached her, unmasked for the first time in a decade, and she did not recognize me in the least nor did she question why I was there, assuming I was another who sought answers and enlightenment... How naïve of her.

I offered comfort and a strong drink, she took them both and we talked for hours, it was the most honest I had been since I had left the Northern icy tundra that was my birthplace and I found myself caring for the person who was supposed to be my enemy. At some point the dance that was our conversation tightened towards the topics of our identities, I am certain she must have seen who I was, I am sure she had to understand my hints and clues but she gave nothing away and simply accepted me as the broken monster I was.

She did more than accept me that night, perhaps I should not have offered strong ale and most definitely should not have taken advantage of her emotional weakness but I have always been a manipulating man and when I realized I wanted her, all I could do was strive to have her, even if it was just for that one night before it all ended. She embraced me in ways she had never embraced a man before, that much was easy to tell from her inexperience and the blood but she was passionate and the heat of her actions drove away even the snowy cold outside, though I see now that I was far too aggressive as my phony hatred still warred with my desires. By dawn, when I had her spent and dozing in my lap, when I had her just at my mercy to _cleanse_, did I truly see what she did to me- I loved her…and I felt sickened at myself for it.

I hated myself for taking advantage of her young innocence, I hated myself for leaving her sleeping alone, albeit unharmed, in that island but most of all I hated myself for loving her because it made me a hypocrite of the worst sort, it made me want to abandon all I and my Equalist brethren had worked for just to stand by her… I was torn.

I fought myself for days and now here I am- insane, lost, filled with doubt, passion and self-hatred. I no longer know whether to hold my moral ground and continue to strive for what my followers demand or if I should simply surrender myself to the mercy of the woman I have come to love but will never be able to have. She has driven me mad, if she were less compassionate and pure I might even think that was her plan, just as instilling fear in her had been mine, but I know she is incapable of such deception.

I cannot abandon my followers, my brothers and sisters who I continue to deceive, I cannot let their sacrifices for a fair future to be wasted for my selfish love, but I fear that if Korra asks me to stop, not for the city but for her, I just might because I am no longer sure I can refuse her anything even with all my careful self-control.

I believe she has driven me to such insanity that the only outlet I have found is concoct complex poetry an lyrics in my head whenever I need to analyze what I feel for her without letting it cloud my judgment, after all how can my mind take music more seriously than rational thought? But perhaps I just tell myself that because I have lost my sanity or because Korra's name conjures up music to my ears- sad, depressing, dramatic music of what can never ever be between us.

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

She has exposed me today. I can only assume she somehow found Tarrlok and he confided the truth to her because she knows the name I abandoned years ago and she has exposed me in front of all my followers. I could see the victorious challenge in her eyes and I wanted so much to surrender even if it filled me with envy and disgust to see her with the firebender…but I played my cards and used my fake scars to gather sympathy and the airbenders as hostages, I planned to eradicate the skill of bending the air itself in one fell swoop but when I saw the terror and hurt in her eyes I stumbled, I made it easy for her to save them, just as I made sure the ambush on the Navy reinforcements would be botched, just as I made sure all her far-fetched plans could penetrate my perfectly prepared equalist forces and give her an advantage.

I don't know why I sabotage myself so much but as I see her fight me and free her master, I force my body to move on instinct as my brain begins to fill with the sad notes of the music that is Korra to me, the notes are slow and it's surreal to hear such things in the midst of a fast heated fight, making the world feel like it's moving in slow motion, but I have no choice but to think in lyrics before I start to rationalize in crazy treacherous ways and end up blowing my entire cover too soon.

_«Under your spell again._

_I can't say no to you. _

_Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand!_

_I can't say no to you.»_

I have learned that no matter how much I try to use her, no matter how much I rebel against her, no matter how violently I try to deny her, I just can't. The heart I had frozen away long ago for the sake of power and ethics has been thawed and if she wanted it she could easily rip it out with her gentle hands, in fact to me she has done so already and she doesn't even know it.

_«Shouldn't let you torture me so sweetly._

_Now I can't let go of this dream…»_

I know she doesn't torture me on purpose, I know the only torture she wishes to inflict is physical justice, but I feel tortured by my feelings for her and can't help but dream of the possibilities between us if I were not Amon, if I were not her enemy.

_«I can't breathe but I feel…»_

What do I feel? Right now as I know that my troops are failing against her weak counter-attacks because I sabotaged all of my own plans, what is it I feel?

_«…Good enough,_

_I feel good enough…for you.»_

Yes, that's it. I feel like a hypocrite and a liar but I feel good enough to be seen by her superior eyes now, because I repent, because I want to set things right without betraying anyone else, I know this ideal is impossible yet I am trying but I can't bear the thought of being any more monstrous in her eyes.

_«Drink up sweet decadence…»_

She is my decadence, my addiction, the sweet poison that will ruin me and all I stand for but I can't stop drinking her in.

_«I can't say no to you._

_And I've completely lost myself, and I don't mind!_

_I can't say no to you.»_

I just now began to see, as I chase her and her allies through the maze that is this arena, that I don't even care that I have gone insane. I have lost my mind to power, glory and obsession years ago and yet always retained my control but now that I have lost myself completely to her I don't even care what will happen next.

_«Shouldn't let you conquer me completely,_

_Now I can't let go of this dream._

_Can't believe that I feel…»_

No, I should never had let her conquer my heart and soul, I should never have gotten close. If only I had kept my distance I would still be Amon, the leader the people needed, the man that believed he would bring justice to the world. But now I am just the lying Noatak that betrays his beliefs and morals for the sake of a woman that should be my enemy, the representation of all I hate, and yet I can barely believe that I actually feel…

_«…Good enough,_

_I feel good enough._

_It's been such a long time coming, but I feel good.»_

Yes, I actually feel good about this. I am destroying all I worked for, wasting years of effort, betraying all I ever believed in and forsaking all those who looked up to me but I feel good for some incomprehensible reason. Perhaps because I'm really doing what is right this time, perhaps because I'm doing it all for her or perhaps because FINALLY someone has seen through me, she has shown me that I am nothing but a twisted monster risen from hate and no better than my father, maybe she has helped me see that I can be more… But I can't stop now, my pride won't let me, she has to be the one to stop me.

I am currently doing the most heinous thing I've ever done- I am bloodbending the woman I love.

She thought she could hide but I could sense that racing heartbeat of hers and dragged her out from that weak hide-out. I don't even know how long we've been chasing and fighting each other as my thoughts consumed me but here I am tearing myself apart as I torture the woman of my dreams.

The firebender has long since defeated and lays knocked out at my feet, even my lieutenant who has witnessed the extent of my madness now lies broken in some corner after I tossed him aside with my forbidden skill. And I have Korra in front on me, contorting in pain as her body disloyally obeys me rather than her. I hate this but I can't stop now, I have to push her, I have to make her end this, I have to fight to the end.

"You won't get…away with this!" She struggles and tries to earthbend enough for the rock roof to collapse on me but I dodge easily as the stones tumble and bright winter sunshine spills into the destroyed battle ground.

I can't help myself. This is going to end soon and I must say it before anyone else arrives to witness my fall, but I won't say it with words, I can't do it, so I pull her close and tighten my _grip_ until she can't fight back, I shift my mask out of the way just enough and then… I kiss her.

The kiss is possessive, feverish and urgent but there is nothing sweet about it, in fact it tastes coppery like the blood I have bent for decades.

"Why?" She chokes out the words with red already staining her beautiful lips for the pressure my ability puts on her organs. Her eyes are wide in shock.

"You know why." I reply darkly as the mask falls back in place. "Now do your best, Avatar."

I drop her to the ground and watch her cough, unable to really move her restrained muscles as I lean over her, violently gripping her by the neck and preparing myself to _cleanse_ her of her bending. In my head I beg for her to say 'stop', I plead for her to tell me to let her go because I know that if she asks I will do it.

_«And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall._

_Pour real life down on me.»_

Ah, the music in my mind is back as my fingers descend onto her forehead. Somehow I wish it would rain to wash away the fake scars and the lies I've been telling, I wish it would rain so the cold shower would wake me up from this dream, because equalizing Korra is a nightmare, the terror in her eyes twists at my very soul and I'm still waiting for her cry for mercy. If she doesn't stop me I will just _cleanse_ her as my rational mind says I should but I will despise myself for it.

"Please, Amon…Noatak…Please!" She begs in a panic but it's still not enough. "Stop! You don't have to do this!"

There. She said it and I can't help myself- I don't stop but I willingly loosen my grip enough for half a second so she can escape before all her bending skills are gone and I let her wonder whether I spared her or whether she was strong enough to defeat me.

I watch her stand and immediately attack with her firebending, but no flame comes to life. She tries hurling the nearby rocks onto me but once again her stances make no difference so she runs in fear and I give chase like any predator would chase a wounded animal down those bleak hallways.

In the corridors I catch her and pressure her further by bloodbending her into submission but she attacks in utter frustration and the air obeys her commands sending me flying against the rock wall with full force until I'm seeing stars. I get up and resist a new blow of clumsy, untrained but powerful wind from her newly acquired skill but her rage pushes her further and she punches with such a strong gust at me that I am flung through the glass window and the air is knocked from my lungs until I am half unconscious.

Everything is dark for a moment despite the vague feeling of my mask floating off…Then I awake drowning and choking in the salty sea, forcing myself to bend the water out of instinct in order to save my wretched life.

Maybe I should have let myself drown, because as I rise in a waterspout I find myself face to face with her and the shock I see in her eyes tells me that I had been wrong, it tells me that she really didn't know I was the Amon she so hated.

I should have let myself die rather than harbor any hopes that this can end well. Before I allow myself to fall into even deeper hatred I am already fighting her again, this time in full view of everyone, benders, equalists, non-equalists, it doesn't matter anymore, they all hate me anyway now that the sea has washed off my lies.

_«'Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough.»_

I realize the song is still echoing in my brain as Korra screams and attacks me with ice-bending, apparently she retained her waterbending skills too and I am forced to defend myself with sea water as I contemplate on how I destroy everything I touch, on how I can't hold on to anything I love.

"Give it up, Amon! Everyone knows the truth now!" Korra screams at me with tears in her eyes.

"Never!" I reply automatically but all I want to do is surrender. "I will finish what I started, Avatar! The Equalist movement is lost but I have nothing else to lose, you're bending will be gone by the time I'm done and your precious firebender will be next!"

I have officially surrendered my comrades, I have official ended this war as I should have long ago but I can't stop now, she needs to defeat me because I fear I am too much of a monster to stop myself and I use the man I know she loves as a threat to push her.

_«Am I good enough for you to love me too?»_

I ask the question to myself in song, comparing myself to that boy and knowing full well that if I said out loud she would laugh at my insane obsession and tell me she could never love a man like me.

"Surrender!" She screams at me with a hail of ice spikes. "Please, Noatak…" She begs in a softer, urgent voice that nearly shatters my heart even more than it already is.

"No. I would rather die!" By your hands, by your hands, please…

I deflect her attack right back at her, purposely endangering the watching crowd of angry equalists just so they can see that I am the monster, not her. As expected, Korra protects them with a massive wave and the rage in her grows at my actions.

"Then just die already!" She punches me back into the water with a blast of air and I see tears streaking down her face in anger and obvious agony.

I wanted to end this but now I see I can't force her to become my executioner, I don't have the right to soil her hands that way. So I escape before she or the police can capture me, I escape and grab the last tie I have to this world, the last person I love- Tarrlok.

I run away with him, we are both hunted men and we are both sinners of the worst sort. I love Tarrlok, he is my baby brother and the only man I ever held any real care for but I hate him too, I hate him for becoming a corrupt monster even worse than me and I hate him, as much as I hate myself, for hurting Korra so horridly.

I know what's going to happen, I made an optimistic pretense of starting a new life with Tarrlok but I know he's just a broken shell of a man thanks to me and I know he regrets our actions as much as I do, I know he repents even more than me and wants to fix the errors that we both are. So we escape by boat and I turn my back to him in full trust, I give him access to a multitude of things he could use to end my life.

His hands are blood stained already and if I can't get Korra to kill me then at least I should die by the hands of the only other person who deserves the chance to end my miserable life. I just hope he can find peace after I'm gone and become someone better…that's not going to happen though, I can hear what he's doing and I understand exactly what his plan is- we are going down together.

"It will be just like the good old days." I hear his tired defeated voice and I know this is the end.

And yet, though I know this is end and Tarrlok and I will soon be nothing but bad memories all I can hear are Korra's words in my head:

**'Then just die already!'**

It's those words, more than what Tarrlok is doing, more than my regret for the monster I have become, more than my shame, more than the fact that I am destroying my brother along with me, more than my impending death, it is those words that make me shed a single miserable stoic tear as the last lines of my song echo in head before the explosion engulfs me and decimates me willingly and wholly.

_«So take care what you ask of me,_

_'Cause I can't say no.»_


	6. Track 6- Kiss While Your Lips Are Still

Track 6- Kiss While Your Lips Are Still Red

(Note: Korra's lyrics will be in **_italic bold_** and Amon's will be in _italic underlined_. When they both sing it will be **_italic bold underlined_**.

This is super angsty and dramatic.

Theme: Korra and Amon fight one last decisive battle… AU ending.

Song: 'Kiss While Your Lips Are Still Red' by Nightwish)

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

It's our final battle, I always knew it would come to this but now I feel reluctant to fight… Yet, I must fight. There is no room in this world for the both of us and I still hold my values dearly.

"We don't have to do this, Amon. You can just surrender now and the war will be over." She tries to appeal to me with that stubborn hardheaded expression of hers.

"We both know that will not happen, Avatar. I have come too far to surrender now." I reply with my usual calm controlled deep voice.

Many of my equalists have already fallen. I somewhat sabotaged my own plans to ambush the Navy reinforcements because I wanted her and her loved ones to have a better chance at survival but in the end it was the wrong move and now the arena is surrounded and Korra and I are face to face in this bleak old training room with only that wretched firebender of hers and my lieutenant as witnesses.

"It's over! The Equalists can't win!" She yells at me in frustration but her offensive stance never loosens.

"If I cannot win the war then I least I shall remove the head of the beast. Your bending will be gone by the time this is over, Avatar." My voice is still cool and controlled but she knows I mean every word I say.

"You'll have to go through me first!" That firebender boy gets in the way and lunges for me with his flaming attack.

I stop him mid-jump with my bloodbending, he had infuriated me now, I still try to remain controlled but this moment is mine and Korra's and I'll be damned if I let him interrupt. I don't even care to take his bending, I just manipulate him enough to render him useless and unconscious before flinging him out the door.

"Mako!" She screams in shock but before she can rush to him impulsively we are both surprised by a different reaction.

"The Avatar was right! You're a bloodbender!" Lieutenant Li shouts at me while ripping off his goggled mask. "I dedicated my life to you, lying bastard!"

His kali sticks are raised and electrified and he tries to attack me by surprise but I have no further use for him and he is also being far too intrusive on this private moment of ours so I bloodbend him into a halt too.

"You've been a loyal comrade and competent right-hand. It is a pity but this is the end, lieutenant." My bending grip on the man is so hard that I might just have crushed an organ or two but right now my head is too clouded to worry about it and I fling him out with the firebender.

"Monster!" She screams at me and tries to firebend into my masked face but I dodge and knock her back.

"They are just unconscious." I speak quietly as I loom over her fallen form. "I don't want any interruptions between us. Earthbend." I order her and I know she understands.

"No." She stands belligerently and I point at the only door.

"Do it or I will drag them back in the hard way."

She grits her teeth but the threat is effective and she quickly earthbends the rocky walls as an avalanche of stone shields us from the outside world. She then returns to her fighting stance to face me and I see the war in her eyes, the same war of emotions she would see in mine if I let her.

"I hate you." She spits at my feet.

"That's not what you were saying a few days ago." I shoot the reply at her sarcastically.

"You used me! You lied to me! You manipulated me!" She screams in outrage and it twists my heart to hear all the betrayal in her voice.

"Perhaps but my feelings for you were never a lie." I need her to know this before the end, I don't think I can bear the thought of her not knowing how much she truly meant to me.

"Liar! You never loved me!" I can see the sparkle of tears welling in her eyes but all her face shows is rage and pain.

"I did. I still do." I watch her flinch at my words as if I just slapped her in the face.

"Then why?! Why can't you just surrender, Noatak? I could help you." She pleads to me with a mix of rage and despair so powerful that I nearly crack and run to comfort her.

"For the same reason you won't surrender to me and let me take your bending. We are on opposite sides of the scale, we have different priorities. This battle is bigger than us, bigger than whatever feelings we might have for each other, Avatar, and that is why it must end here and now."

I gather all the strength I have and take a fighting stance, she takes one too almost out of reflex and I watch her dry the tears that she never got to shed.

"You still believe you're on the right side?" She practically growls at me and I smirk beneath the mask because I love the sound.

"Of course." I know she is hesitant so I need to push her. "And if we don't fight here I will simply continue to rally my forces, I will not stop until this city is overthrown and the benders are equalized, starting with the airbenders you love so much."

"Then this ends here." Her voice is steely and loud and she lunges rashly to me again.

I watch her fight with all her might, using all three bendings she excels at to try to defeat me. She really doesn't hold back but I evade her easily, though she manages to avoid me too and even burn me when I attempt to chi-block her. When I come too close she punches into my mask with a flaming fist and it cracks and chars.

I throw down the mask and face her bare faced. My early confrontation with her waterbending in public has washed out most of the face scars and now my sweat wipes away the last bits of make-up, but I don't really care, I'm too busy evading her angry charges.

As we continue to fight, almost ritualistically since I could always end this quickly and just bloodbend her, I can't help but remember the past.

I remember how I came to her as the unmasked Noatak, trying to help bring down Councilman Tarrlok; it was all a farce, I merely wanted her trust but in the end she stole my heart. I used her and manipulated her, yes, but I never lied about my love, I never lied and I never tried to use her sexually even though she gave me all the openings I could ever have wanted, even though she teased me and pushed me I wasn't willing to take her body as well as her heart because I felt bad enough already for having to manipulate her in this war.

She interrupts my musings with a well calculated double move of ice and rock, it was too fast even for me and while I dodged her ice spikes, the stony punch that rose from the ground hit me squarely in the chest and gut. I'm sure she cracked a pair of my ribs and I'm coughing blood but I can still keep fighting her. After all this pain is nothing compared to the pain I am putting her through with my betrayal.

"You're no better than Tarrlok! You're goals aren't justice! You just want power! You're a monster!" She screams at me, trying to ice-bend me to the ground and failing in her distress. I know she's trying to see me as a monster and not a loved one, I know she has to do it in order to beat me but her words hurt nonetheless.

The fight intensifies and she already sports my ice cuts on her cheeks, arms and legs before she manages to land another blow to my knee, crippling me considerably. And yet, through the pain all I can think off is how we danced over and over to that one song on the gramophone, not so many nights ago and she kissed me recklessly and impulsively. Her lips were sweet and spicy like honey and raw cinnamon, I can still taste them through the coppery flavor of blood that fills my mouth.

I am too distracted and she lands another blow with her rocks, knocking me aside and using the opening to try and ice-bend me down again but I dodge and attack with ice spikes that she deflects back at me out of instinct and… One of the spikes impales me through the gut.

I crumble with the pain and spit out blood as I bend the ice back into water. I'm not sure I can survive this but I can't afford to die here and the wound doesn't really seem lethal. It doesn't matter that I love this woman, the reason I am fighting his bigger than either of our feelings, I'm fighting for a better world, a fair world, one where everyone is equal and nobody is oppressed, I'm fighting for the millions who suffer in silence and that is larger than my own feelings for anyone.

I raise my hands with what strength I have and before Korra can react she is a screaming ragdoll hanging on my bloodbending grip. I don't intend to kill her, that would just bring forth a new Avatar, I intend to _cleanse_ her of her bending, once and for all so she of all people can taste the suffering of the common folk and perhaps see the light, maybe then she can truly work to bring real peace into the world. Maybe then she can understand and accept me.

I drag her to me, struggling, shaking and screaming as her body betrays her, twitching and contorting in indescribable pain. I pin her down on her knees and force myself up to grip her neck and raise a hand to her forehead. She surprises me by struggling more than humanly possible against my cursed skill and she bites right into my hand so hard that her teeth draw blood, making me curse in pain but I can't really be angry, the move was so typically hers that it's almost touching… I am forced to bend her life blood harder than I have ever bent anyone in my life just to hold her still long enough but in seconds it's over and her bending is gone.

"No…" She whimpers and it breaks my heart. "No…Noatak…"

Suddenly she is choking in her own blood and I watch collapse, my grip is no longer on her but she seems unable to move more than just to shake with pain and cough up massive amounts of red fluid. I can finally sense what I have done- between my determination to cleanse her and her stubbornness to fight, I have strained her organs too much, almost everything inside her is slowly and painfully tearing apart except perhaps her heart which I fought to spare… The irony is a hammering stab in my chest.

«What have I done?!» The question echoes in my head as I stare at the horror seen before me. «I just wanted fairness, I just wanted her to be like everyone else… WHY DID I DO THIS?!»

I fall to my knees and regret pours into me like sizzling acid corroding through my veins. I am in intense physical pain from my wounds but it is nothing, NOTHING, compared to how I feel emotionally right now- I am killing the only woman I ever truly loved. I didn't think I could hurt her so badly, I just wanted to win, I just wanted her to see my side, I was even willing to die in this fight but I never ever intended for this to happen. Breaking her heart was bad enough but now that I saw how I had broken her physically I just wanted to swallow her pain on top of my own and die in her place.

"Noatak…" She choked out my real name in panic with a splutter of blood and her hand reached out blindly to find me as red tinted tears mist her sight.

I drag myself to her and cradle her head in my lap, sensing her blood flow, she's still well alive and will be for a while but the damage I have done is irreversible and I can obviously see that without her bending she has lost all will to live like many of my other victims. This will be agonizingly slow and more painful than anything else my twisted mind could ever conjure.

"I'm sorry, Korra…" I hold her hand and lace my fingers with hers. I'm trying to stay in control but my voice is cracking and tears that I have not spilled in decades are threatening to pour down my face. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to do this… I just wanted to… I'm sorry!"

The tears are pooled in my eyes but I will not cry, I will not let that be the last thing she sees.

"… Stop being a baby…" She chuckles at me despite the blood that gurgles and spatters gruesomely at the sound. "Greater good…remember?" Her free hand, also covered in blood from the ice cuts, reaches up to caress my cheek in an act of compassion that I don't deserve in the least. "It had to happen…sooner or later…"

"Not like this! Never like this!" I hold her hand to my cheek, it's wet and sticky but warm and I want to feel her skin on mine as much as possible before she starts to turn cold. "I never meant to hurt you…"

"Shh!" She blinks stubbornly and coughs up some more though she seems a little more stable now. "Stay with me? Please?"

I know what she means, she wants me to stay until the end, she doesn't want to be alone and she wants me to watch her die. The request tears me apart and I nearly break down into a thousand little pieces but I can't deny her.

"Always." I nod quickly, trying not to let her hear how my voice shakes. "Korra… I'm so sor…"

"Shh!" She insists again, interrupting my apology while stroking my cheek weakly with the tips of her fingers. "You look…so sad…"

I can't stand the sight of her blood soaked mouth and chin so I use what little strength I still have and waterbend the scattered water from the barrels around us to clean away the mess, she smiles at my action as if I just gave the sweetest gift and her words make me feel as if she shattered my ribcage, grabbed my heart, ripped it out of my chest and set it on fire in her crushing hands.

"Noatak…" Her voice is a little clearer, a little stronger, but I lean forward to listen. "Remember that song? The one we danced to?"

"Yes." I nod in acknowledgement and already the tune of our song is resounding in my mind.

"Sing with me…please?" She smiles weakly, looking a bit bashful about the request despite the serious situation. "I want you…to really pay attention to it."

"Alright." I reply immediately, I haven't sung a single word in decades but don't have the heart to deny her anything, no matter how silly or useless it is right now and if this song will bring her comfort in the last minutes of her existence than by the Spirits I will sing like my life depends on it.

**_"Sweet little words made for silence, not talk…"_**

She starts the song and I know that every line she sings to me will be a message carved in my soul for all eternity, so I might as well return the gift in kind.

_"Young heart for love, not heartache._

_Dark hair for catching the wind,_

_Not to veil the sight of a cold world."_

It fits, it really fits. I feel like the worse demon for breaking her young heart and I know Korra never unlocked her airbending but her beautiful dark hair was made to blow in the wind just as her free spirit and young heart were made to crave adventure and she is always so optimistic, so carefree that she can't see how cold the world can be… Maybe I should I have learned that from her when I had the chance.

**_"Kiss…while your lips are still red…"_**

With that line of hers I bent down to kiss her, I realized that she chose this song because she knows she's dying, she knows her bloodied lips will soon turn cold and purple and I won't ever be able to kiss her again…

**_"While he's still silent…"_**

She smiles at me and kisses me again before I can continue my part. It's slow, light, tentative and my lips taste like her blood when we part but I cherish every second of it.

_"…Rest, while bosom is still untouched, unveiled…"_

I crosses me that I could have had Korra, I could have made love to her and I could have lived for her instead of against her and now because of me she was dying in my arms, still pure and untouched.

**_"…Hold another hand while the hand's still without a tool."_**

I know she's telling me to trust others and stop being the lonely liar I am, but most of all what hurts is to know that her hand that I still hold to my cheek was one that I could have held before it became the bending tool of my destruction.

_"Drown in your eyes while they're still blind._

_Love while the night still hides the withering dawn."_

In a way, the only silver lining is that Korra will never get to see how monstrous the world can really be, she never got to see the injustices that led me to become the man I am today. I wish I had more time, I wish I had chosen her over the world, I wish I could still love her before she dawn of the Other World steals her away from me but all I have are these moments to look into in her watery cobalt eyes so we pause just like the song did with sad music and looked at each other's eyes, blue meeting blue until her voice brought me back to myself.

**_"First day of love never comes back,_**

**_A passionate hour's never a wasted one."_**

She must have read my thoughts. She must have because her smile tells me that she wants me to cherish this last moment and not waste it dreaming of what could have been…

_"The violin, the poet's hand,_

_Every thawing heart plays your theme with care."_

This is a promise, more than a message. I know the world will honor her passing for many generations to come and I know she will always be loved by many people far better than I am.

_"Kiss…while your lips are still red."_

**_"While he's still silent…"_**

I wish I was the one perishing, I wish I was the one telling her to find a new love, a better love, one more worthy of her than I ever was, and to kiss him and cherish him while she still could. Instead she was the one sending me that message and all I could do was kiss her blood-stained lips as more red fluid poured and bubbled with each word she sang.

_"…Rest while bosom is still untouched, unveiled…"_

**_"…Hold another hand while the hand's still without a tool."_**

_"Drown in your eyes while they're still blind._

_Love while the night still hides the withering dawn."_

These are our goodbyes, I know she is wishing for me to forgo my hatred and live a better life, I know she is wanting for me to move on but I'm not sure I can. As for me I'm just telling her to rest, I'm telling her how much I love her right now and want to drown in her lovely aquamarine eyes while trying to instill the hope that she might live even though I know it's a vain hope. We pause again as she catches her breath for the final stretch of the tune.

**_"Kiss…while your lips are still red,_**

**_While he's still silent…_**

**_…Rest while bosom is still untouched, unveiled…_**

**_…Hold another hand while the hand's still without a tool._**

**_Drown in your eyes while they're still blind._**

**_Love while the night still hides the withering dawn."_**

We sing the end together, by the last couple of lines my voice is shaky at best and hers is broken with sputters of blood and her shaking body has grown limp but she still tries to hum the long end of the song- she's endearingly stubborn that way. She's getting cold and her skin is turning ashy instead of caramel as the pool of blood around us grows large and congealed; her beautiful sapphire eyes are fluttering until she can no longer keep them open.

"Noatak…?" She murmurs blindly between harsh raspy breaths after a moment of silence.

"I'm here." I keep holding her hand to my cheek but lace my fingers with hers, letting her know that I'm not going anywhere.

"I love you…" She speaks in broken murmurs but I still hear her as loud as day. "Even now…"

"Korra…" I can barely swallow down the sorrow that tints my voice. I think I'm going to break any second now.

"It's not your fault…" Her weak fingers try to stroke my skin but she only manages to twitch them against me and I feel that her hand as grown as cold as ice. "I love you…"

"I love you too, Korra." I'm honest because I know there's nothing else she wants to hear right now. I'm honest because she needs to know this before she's gone. I'm honest because I can't take this anymore and the only thing my crazed mind can think of is… "I love you… Oh Spirits, what have I done… I love you, Korra. I love you so much… Please… Please, don't…"

She seizes and coughs a couple more times but her ashy skin and cold body don't have much more to give as all her internal organs bleed into themselves and fail one by one. Her beautiful blue eyes flicker open for a second, surprising me. I almost wish I could see the bright white of the Avatar State in them, I wish that some Avatar miracle could hear my prayers and save her life but there's nothing but bold, brash, proud cerulean looking back at me before she smiles and closes her eyes again with a sigh.

It's almost too peaceful. Just a sigh and a bloody smile and she's gone, like a gust of wintry air leaving a warm room. I know somewhere in the world a little earthbender is being born, I know somewhere out there she is coming back to life but right now I am too shattered by shock and grief to care.

It takes me several minutes to remember where I am, who I am and what just happened. What brings me back to myself is watching clear liquid splotches fall on Korra's lovely peaceful face and cutting through the grimy sticky blood, but it still takes me several minutes to realize that those drops are my tears.

I'm crying in a way I have never cried before, not even as a child. I spilling out a grief like no other, an agony so deeply lacerating that I have no words to describe it and no way to express it except by tears and screams.

"KORRA!" I don't even realize I'm the one who screamed until after the words are out and my throat seems to tear painfully by the force of my shout.

I'm shaking and sobbing and still holding her dead hand to my face and her head over my lap as I lean over her, stroking the stained locks of her hair away from her face and pressing my forehead to hers as I speak frantically in broken whispers and sobs.

"I love you… I love you, I love you, I love you…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry… Come back to me…Please… Don't leave me…I'm sorry…"

This is it. I have lost it completely. I no longer care who I am, I feel like nothing more than a broken monster, I don't give a damn about equality anymore, it seems futile and useless now, I don't even give a damn about fairness and a better world for all because a world without Korra just isn't worth living in.

«She's dead, she's gone, you will never see her again.» The words rattle my brain but I still can't understand them much less accept them.

«She wanted you to live, she wanted you to be happy. Go fix your mistakes and honor her memory.» The rational side of my brain tries to compromise with me, it tries to give me purpose but it's really no use.

I'm done. Whatever strength I have left, I use to furiously smash the wooden mask of Amon that lies not far from me on the tainted stone floor and then I just give up entirely and pull her up into my arms, hugging her like a broken, tattered, blood-stained ragdoll.

Her lips are still red. They should be blue and ashy but the blood on them keeps them red so I kiss them just like the song says.

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

"Bo, in here!" Mako shouts as his brother and what was left of the metalbending police managed to finally rush through the throngs of fighting equalists to rescue those inside the arena, he had been waiting for hours, trying to find a way through the rubble and rocks that separated him from Korra. "Hurry!"

"Mako? Where's Korra?" Bolin looks around, spotting his brother with a sprained ankle and the comatose mustached man on the ground but nobody else seemed to be in sight. "And Amon?"

"In there." Mako points at the avalanche of stone.

Bolin and the few officers that still retained their bending immediately begin removing the barricade and once it is out of the way everyone rushes in before the dust even had time to settle. What they find freezes the blood in their veins.

Korra lies perfectly still and lifeless on the ground, she looks lovely even in death, even with ripped and blood-drenched clothes, even with a broken charred mask over her chest, even ashy skinned and covered in cuts… Her lips are red and painted with blood and she is surrounded by roses, no, not quite roses, but blood frozen into the shape of flowers by some talented prodigious waterbender. And she looks peaceful.

Next her lies a crumpled figure, whose head rests over her lap. They approach cautiously and the perfect face they meet stares blankly into nothing with cold pale blue eyes. His skin is greyish white and his lips are stained with blood, a trickle of which slides down the side of his mouth, his clothes are torn and soaked in blood, his hand is laced tightly with Korra's, their fingers frozen together, his other hand clutches at his own chest with despair and streaks of bright tears still cut through the leftover make-up of fake scars on his face. There were wounds all over his body but if anyone took the time to examine the corpse they would be shocked to discover that this man, the one that had previously been a monster known as Amon, had died of a broken heart…literally. He had bloodbent his own blood until his heart was crushed under the pressure and even through that agony, his hand had never let go of hers.

Bolin was crumpled on the floor at the sight, it was poetically beautiful, entirely dramatic and theatrical like Amon always was but it was also terrifyingly miserable at the same time and the poor earthbender was paralyzed for a long time before the sobbing tears began to echo in the bleak destroyed room as he curled up on the ground, pouring his heart out through his eyes.

The police tried to clear the scene, they did not know what to do but soon there would be hundreds of people upon them and things had to be handled properly.

As for Mako, he just stood there. Staring at the dead couple in a completely catatonic state, unable to help his mind make sense of the situation, not even able to hear the police officers speaking or his brother crying until Lin Beifong arrived with the rescued airbenders.

"Korra…No…No, no, no!" Tenzin fell to his knees at the first sight of the young Avatar and the look of terror in his eyes could tear any heart apart as he clutched his bald head which shook in denial.

Pema had to hush the children out, trying to conceal the horrid scene from their innocence as Ikki continuously asked what was wrong, why wasn't Korra moving, why was Amon lying next to her, why couldn't they see anything.

"What happened?" Lin Beifong placed a hand on Mako's shoulder. Her face was steely and stoic but her uncharacteristically soft voice betrayed her shock. "Did you see anything…?"

Mako's catatonic state was broken by the ex-Chief's voice. Suddenly the screaming, the crying, the questions, all the people saying "Avatar Korra is dead!" became overwhelming as it penetrated into his muddled brain. His voice was no louder than a disbelieving whisper as he said:

"Korra…She can't…She can't be dead…She must be alive…She's not dead…Look, her lips are still red."

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

_(Author's Note: I have never cried so hard while writing a story. NEVER. OTL)_


	7. Track 7- Cinderella

(~This one-shot is dedicated to **DazzlingAmethyst** as a Birthday Gift, a 'Congrats On The Bump' gift and as a thank you for all her support. I hope she enjoys it. A late Happy Birthday, Dazzle ;)~

Note: Lyrics will be in _italic. _Some minor words were altered to fit the Avatar universe.

Theme: On Korra's big day, Tonraq reminisces about his little girl. (Post-cannon).

Song: 'Cinderella' by Steven Curtis Chapman)

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

It's a warm spring morning, the sun is shining brightly, there's not a single cloud in the sky and the clean scent of trees and flowers hangs in the air after the last wintry showers of rain. Yet, I don't feel very comfortable here, we had to come all the way to Republic City for this event along with the White Lotus masters and lady Katara but everybody stares at us with our typical Water Tribe clothes and they whisper and point, deducing who we are just by our appearance. It annoys me a bit and reminds me of my days back in the Northern Water Tribe when there was always so much work to do and so many stares, it was never easy to the be the Chief's son but I guess Unalaq had it worse since he was the heir. Speaking of which, shouldn't my brother, niece and nephew be here too?

I scan the wide ivory expanse of the fancily decorated outdoor pavilion of the Air Temple and, indeed, I spot the twins in a far corner, looking almost identical as usual in their fancy ceremonial indigo robes. What I didn't expect was to see my nephew hovering protectively over his sister while the earthbender boy from my daughter's group speaks so playfully and flirtatiously with my niece and she reciprocates shyly; I wonder if Unalaq knows what is happening between them…

"Tonraq, are you listening?" Senna's smoky voice snaps me out of my thoughts. I always loved that profound voice, even when she's angry she sounds so perfect… It's one of those little things that makes me glad I accepted her marriage proposal, even knowing it was unorthodox and would lead to my self-imposed social exile.

"Yes, of course, honey." I lie with a good humored smile but I know she'll see right through me, she always does.

"Then what did I just say?" She smiles teasingly at me and I just have to stare. She still looks as young as the day we met and those girlish little braids she ties her hair in look even lovelier today with the silver ribbons and blue beads decorating them. They match the beautiful gown she decided to wear for this occasion- it had a lovely deep blue long skirt and a form-fitting sapphire tunic tied with an intricate silver sash and beaded with white and cobalt little sparkles.

My own outfit is quite different but easily just as elegant, I don't think I've worn this since I left the Northern Tribe but apparently it still fits like a glove- my indigo slacks, my cerulean ceremonial robes with the navy sash and shoulder wrap and the painted family symbol on my chest in bright blue and brilliant silver.

"Er…" I hesitate and she shakes her head in disapproval.

"I said Unalaq is presiding over the ceremony so no use looking for him in the crowd."

"Ah, so that's why I couldn't find him!" My thoughts slip out a little too loudly and people begin staring again.

"Yes, dear." She smiles softly and I have to bend down so she can kiss my cheek. "Are you nervous?"

"Why would I be?" Of course I'm nervous! I'm petrified! But I put on my usual air of smug self-confidence, an air my daughter inherited so perfectly.

"Your only child is getting married. I think that's reason enough to be a little shaky even without the fact that she's the famous Avatar." Senna looks proud and as kind as always as we are shepherded to our seats in the front row, just a few feet away from the gleaming polished cherry wood altar where all elements are already represented- a bright burning pyre for fire, a solid crystalline ice mirror for water, incense that smokes in peaceful ghostly wisps for air and pretty colorful sand for earth. "I still worry that she might be acting a little hasty."

"Since when has Korra ever been patient, honey?" I smile fondly as I place an arm around my petite wife's shoulder. The conversation is making me reminisce about how Korra was always rushing, be it with bending or with growing up. "Besides, he's an honorable guy and she's happy."

"I guess so but with their history together…" My wife looks thoughtful and worried so it's my turn to kiss her cheek and soothe her worries.

"Trust her. Korra never let us down before, Senna."

"I know but…she's still my little girl! I wish we had more time…"

I know what Senna means. We love Korra so much, she's our pride and joy, but we never had much chance to be involved in her education as she grew into a woman, we always had to work hard for survival in the harsh lands of our secluded South Pole home so we were always busy making a living and then our baby revealed her abilities and from that point on the White Lotus was in charge of raising her and training her to become a fit Avatar, that's probably why we still see her as our little girl and not as a grown woman of nineteen, we just never got to experience the transition and even though we were there, it was still so hard to watch her stumble and learn, to watch her leave and become her own person. We believe in her, we trust all her choices but it always hurt a little to see her leave us behind.

"We can't go back, Senna. If I could I would have spent so much more time with her… I would have trained her in waterbending myself just like Unalaq trained her in the spiritual sense. I would tell her every day how proud I am of her."

"She knows. She's always read you like a book, she's always idolized you." Senna's eyes are soft and kind and her words nearly make a grown man like me melt into my seat.

"She's made us so proud. I love her so much but I miss the old days…"

I know I sound almost as regretful as Senna but I can't help it, I want those sweet days back, the ones when I got home tired after a hunt and found my three year old daughter making a mess and half destroying the house while driving my wife crazy. It sounds silly but I miss those days, I miss how I would feed Korra and scold her to eat all her sea prunes while Senna tried to tidy things up, I miss how I would bathe her and dress her for bed and I would tuck her in and prepare to go finish my work of the day. Most of all I missed how she would cling to my sleeve and ask me to tell her one of the many foreign fairy tales I knew, just to earn a little more time with me before sleep dragged her away into a land of dreams I wasn't allowed into.

I remember she used to like that Fire Nation story, how did it go? I think I can still recite most of it, it was something like:

«There was once a pretty girl who lived in Caldera in the Fire Nation Capital. Her father, a general, had gone away to war and her mother had died giving birth to her so she had to live with her firebender stepmother and the woman's daughters. The girl discovered she was a firebender but she saw how much that power went to her stepmother's head over the years and she did not wish to become so warped herself so he hid her firebending thought it helped her in the cold nights when she had sleep in cinders to keep warm as her wicked stepsisters slept in luxury that should be hers by birthright. Her evil stepsisters took everything of hers for granted and made the lovely golden eyed girl into a slave but one day the girl grew up and was invited to a ball along with all the other ladies of the land and, oh, how she wished to go with all her heart but the stepmother burned down her dress and forbid her from leaving the house. The girl wept and wept and a kind Flame Spirit dried her tears, granted the girl a new dress and turned the sandy cinders of the fire into lovely glass slippers for her, telling her to go find her destiny but be back by midnight before the spell broke; the girl then went to a ball where she fell in love with the Fire Lord's son, they danced and danced and when she told him she was a bender he taught her Dragon Dance that they did together in perfect harmony only to have to rush out as midnight struck, watching her dress turn to ash and leaving behind a single glass slipper that the prince used to find her. But the evil stepsisters were jealous and kidnapped the Fire Lord's son in order to make him marry one of them, however, in the end the princess fought her malevolent stepmother and stepsisters who ran away to the North Pole and the pretty girl married the handsome prince and lived happily ever after.'

Korra always loved that story, I remember having to shake things up again after the glass shoe part though, since she would she would always say:

"More explosions!"

And when I went into detail about the battle of the evil stepmother she would giggle and say 'YAY' with such sweetness that it melted my heart.

I never knew why she liked the story so much, it was so unlike her to have any interest in romance, she always preferred the tales related to the Avatars, tales of brave adventurers, war and warriors of other times but when anyone asked her favorite story she would say 'Cinderella' and flash that cute toothy grin. She even made me get her a Fire Nation princess dress when she was six years old so she could play whenever she came home from training. Spirits, how I miss those days!

"Tonraq." A familiar deep cavernous voice next to me snaps me out of my nostalgic reverie and I turn to find my brother in full ceremonial wear staring at me with his impassive eyes, though there is something anxious about them this time. He turns to my wife too and nods politely. "Senna."

"Hello, brother-in-law." Senna smiles almost playfully. It took a long time for Unalaq to accept our marriage but I know they like each other as family now.

"Unalaq!" I pull the man into a hug before he can protest as he often does. By the time we part I am grinning at him again. "Shouldn't you be preparing for the ceremony?"

"That is why I'm here." He leans closer, much too close for his usual serious demeanor and I hear him whisper in my ear. "Korra refuses to leave her room. She's having some sort of meltdown and won't even let Miss Sato in. We thought perhaps you or Senna could go speak to her."

I look at my wife, feeling immediately worried and uncomfortable. Korra never breaks down easily, she's too strong and too stubborn but when she does I'm usually the one comforting her, except last time… last time the firebender boy did that. The day she unlocked the Avatar State was the last time I saw my daughter break down but even then she wouldn't let us see her tears. I wonder what could have happened to make her snap so badly this time, right on her wedding day.

"Go. Speak with her, I'm sure she'll listen to you." Senna pats me on the back, urging me to go.

"Well, alright." I nod and get up, allowing my brother to guide me up the steps of the Air Temple and up the tower to the room my daughter has inhabited for some time now.

The door is locked and the lovely raven-haired girl that has become so close to my Korra is pacing anxiously outside though she seems to relax a little when she sees me. I've liked Asami since the day I met her, she's very graceful, patient and kind but also unusually strong and dedicated, she's been a precious friend and good influence in Korra's life and for that I'm grateful even though I know the sentiment is mutual.

"Korra?" She knocks at the door tentatively.

"Leave me alone!" I hear my daughter shout out shakily from the inside.

"Your father is here." Asami presses on, ignoring the order.

"Darling?" I speak towards closed door. "Will you let me in?"

There is a long heavy silence but after a couple of minutes, the door clicks and snaps open just slightly. I know she'll talk to me now so I usher the others away and go inside, closing the door behind me for some privacy.

Korra stands by the window- she looks absolutely stunning!

Even with a face pinched with stress, snot on her nose and tears streaking her perfect dollish face, she looks so pretty and grown-up. She's wearing the most beautiful dress I've ever seen her in; it's a long trailing baby-blue gown, the top is cut similarly to all her usual tops but kept in place but platinum knots, there's a matching silver sash and the skirt is beaded in sapphire and teal jewels and it's so long I can't even see her feet; she wears pretty platinum bands on the caramel skin of her upper arms and wrists too, her hair is pinned with apple blossoms at the sides of her head and spills down her back like molten chocolate. Only her pretty navy engagement necklace with its dark small tear-shaped ruby gem, is discarded over the bed as she stands in front of the glass with morning light washing over her and making her glow even in her distress. I can hardly believe this is the tomboyish baby girl that was always so unbearably like me and used to ride on my shoulders and pick fights with the boys.

"Korra, baby…What's wrong?" I ask while moving to her, still in awe. I feel huge and clumsy in this unfamiliar room but I don't stop until I'm wiping the tears from her eyes.

"I can't do this! I can't!" She hiccups slightly and I realized I haven't heard her cry this way since the day they moved her into the White Lotus compound and away from us. "I can't marry him! What if we turn against each other again? What if he hurts me again? What if I mess up?"

"Sweety, that won't happen…" I'm still wiping her away her tears with my thumbs as I delicately hold her face to make her look at me. "He loves you. You told me yourself that he will never hurt you again but even if he does that's just part of life and that's what will make you two grow together. You won't mess up, you will both stumble along the way but love never messes up."

I don't even know where all my eloquence came from but I guess seeing my baby in distress brings out talents I didn't even know I had just so I can help her.

"You don't understand!" She complains belligerently.

"Then explain. What happened to bring this on?" I know there has to be a reason for this meltdown, she can't just be having cold feet.

"I…He…" Korra looks away shyly, as if the subject is too embarrassing to discuss with me. "He said he wants a family… I don't know if I can handle kids, not now and not ever. I told him that but he said maybe one day I'll change my mind, I don't think I will but he doesn't seem to get that. We are constantly disagreeing, this marriage is doomed before the start!" She sounds near hysterical now.

"Darling, you are young. You have plenty of time to consider those things later, you don't have to start thinking of it now. Besides every couple disagrees and argues, it's what makes them grow."

"Says you! Face it, dad, you and mom have, like, the most perfect marriage of all time!" She's still crying abundantly and it wrenches my heart out. "I've never seen you fight a single time."

"Oh, baby, no. Nobody has a perfect marriage, even your mother and I have problems, it's the way we work through them that makes us a happy couple, it's our love and devotion that keeps us alive." I give her the most reassuring smile I can.

"What problems could you two ever have?!" She snaps at me but I've never taken her aggressive attitude too seriously.

"Do you really want to know?" I murmur a little sadly. This is not the sort of talk for my daughter's wedding day but if my pain will make her feel a little better then so be it.

"Yes. Prove to me that even you two aren't perfect." She snaps again quite defensively but I pull her into my arms and hold her to my wide chest.

"Where shall I start… Well, since we are on the topic of children, your mother and I always disagreed on what was best for you as Avatar." She seems unconvinced and I think a little further even though I'm remembering how I didn't want the White Lotus to take Korra away at least until her teens but Senna always thought she would be safer with them. "If that isn't enough then how about this? Your mother can't have any more children." I am petting Korra's back but I feel her stiffen at my last words.

"What…? I always thought you didn't have more kids because… because of me." She sounds guilty and that puzzles me deeply.

"Did you think maybe we didn't want other children to live in your gigantic shadow? Or did you think we were too busy dedicating ourselves to out Avatar daughter that we wouldn't have time for another baby?" I wonder what exactly went through this sweet defiant girl's mind.

"Maybe both." She replies between sniffles.

"No, Korra. Your mother was pregnant before you were born but she lost that baby…When you were born it was a miracle and after that your mother became sick and ever since then she has been unable to bear another child, even though we wished so badly to give you a sibling, to ease your loneliness." I think my voice is a little too soft. I've never revealed this to anyone and even after almost two decades the pain is still too fresh but I don't want Korra to feel guilty, after all she is my little miracle. "Korra, that experience hurt your mother and me and it brought plenty of tension to our marriage but you mean the world to us, you are our everything, and that's what made us move on happily and with pride."

"So you're saying I saved your marriage?" She doesn't move from my arms but I can tell she's a little skeptical.

"Yes, sweety."

"But what if I never have kids to do that for me? I'm the Avatar, I may never have time for one more responsibility like that, I may never be ready for it…What if he hates me for that?"

"Korra, if that were an issue, if that would make him hate you, do you really think he would be so eager to marry you today? Have you even noticed how much he loves you? Think about all the things you've been through with him." I don't think my daughter understands just how badly that man wants her despite their previous problems with each other, she doesn't seem to know just how ardently he clings to her, I think she needs to remember that.

"Dad…" She hesitates and I feel her sigh into my chest. "I know. You're right…I just…I'm so nervous."

"I know, Korra." I kiss the top of her head, still holding her safe in my arms like I used to do when she had a nightmare as a child.

"There are so many people out there and they are all going to be looking at me! I know I'm the Avatar but I really hate all this attention on me…" She frowns but clings tighter to me as if I can shield her from the eyes of the world.

"The only attention you should worry about is the one from your husband-to-be when he sees how drop dead gorgeous you look in that dress." I chuckle and she finally looks at me with a weak shadow of her smug smile.

"You mean that?"

"You know I do, baby." I stroke her cheek, noting that the tears have dried but she still looks too anxious.

"I'm still so worried…" She looks down, avoiding the window and the sight of dozens of people waiting for the ceremony to begin.

"Hm…" I wonder what to say to calm her down but the only thing that comes to mind is a memory of the past, a memory of what I always used to calm her when Korra was hurt or scared or angry. "There was once a pretty golden eyed girl who lived in the Fire Nation Capital. Her father had gone away to war and her mother had died long ago so she had to live with her firebender stepmother and the woman's daughters. The girl discovered she was a bender too but she saw of much that power went to her stepmother's head over the years and she did not wish to become so warped herself so he hid her firebending, though it helped her in the cold nights when she had sleep in cinders to keep warm as her wicked stepsisters slept in luxury that should be hers by birthright…"

"What are you doing?" She looks at me quizzically but her mood seems ten times lighter and the slump on her shoulders is gone.

"Didn't 'Cinderella' always make you happy?" I poke her nose, still using the melodious warm even voice I always use with story-telling.

"When I was a kid." She smirks self-righteously. "The only thing that would make me happy now would be to know that I won't stumble all over my feet when I have to dance with my husband in front of all those people." She waves at the window towards the sight of the guests, friends, family, dignitaries and reporters. I know what she's doing, I know what she wants to drag me into now but I won't make it that easy.

"You will do fine, darling. Your natural grace as a bender and fighter has always made you the perfect dancer, I would know, I danced with you plenty of times." I'm reminiscing again and it makes my eyes sting.

"Help me practice now?" She gives me that hopeful look, already eyeing the radio that sits over the table.

"Korra, I don't know if we have time…" I hesitate slightly.

"Oh, please! Daddy, please?" She practically begs and she knows I'll give in. She only calls me daddy when she really wants something and I always give her anything when she does, then again my stubborn independent little warrior doesn't often ask for much.

"Alright." I nod and she rushes to tune the radio, seeking the perfect song. A familiar melody is just beginning to sound and an idea sparks to my mind- since we are in this familiar situation I might as well express to her the message I've been keeping inside for such a long time with the sweetest memories of my entire life. "Will you let me sing for you, Korra? When you were small I told the stories and your mother sang, this time I want you to hear my song."

"Huh?" She looks surprised as I hold out my hand for her. "Sure, dad." She takes it and lets me pull her into my arms. That's my cue to follow the melody from the radio and pour my feelings out to her.

_"She spins and she sways_

_To whatever song plays_

_Without a care in the world…"_

As I sing I spin her around slowly in Korra's simple room, remembering how she was such a lively and overly energetic child. She didn't quite run around the house, instead she danced around boisterously and carelessly to music of her own, discovering bending forms in the moves of each dance even if she tossed around everything we owned in the process.

_"And I'm sitting here wearing_

_The weight of the world on my shoulders."_

I always felt that way when I saw her moving around so happily. We knew Korra was the Avatar by the time she learned how to walk and every time she smiled I feared that someday she would be running into danger to save the world, someday she would have responsibilities like no other human being and I dreaded for her, I didn't want her to lose that sweet innocent smile that she got from me but I was so very proud too…

_"It's been a long day_

_And there's still work to do._

_She's pulling at me_

_Saying 'Dad, I need you._

_There's a ball at the castle_

_And I've been invited_

_And I need to practice my dancing._

_Oh, please, Daddy, please?"_

She always begged in the exact same way. Always. And when she was little and just wanted to see me after my long days of work or hunt, she would ask to play to her favorite story and she would drag me to dance with her even though our dances were always just me moving with her in waterbending forms and movements.

_"So I will dance with Cinderella_

_While she is here in my arms..._

_'Cause I know something the prince never knew._

_Oh, I will dance with Cinderella,_

_I don't want to miss even one song._

_'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight_

_And she'll be gone…"_

I need Korra to understand that she was always my princess, my little warrior, whether she had been Avatar or not. I want her to understand that I never wanted to let her go, that I wanted to always be there even when her education was more of a community effort for the White Lotus than for us, her parents. She should know that I loved her because she was my precious daughter, not because she was my prideful Avatar. I need Korra to see that even though I knew one day she would leave and fulfill her destiny as Avatar, I still wanted to cherish every second of her life, I still wanted to hold her for as long as I could.

_"She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed._

_She wants to know if I approve of the dress._

_She says, 'Dad, the ceremony is just one week away_

_And I need to practice my dancing._

_Oh, please, Daddy, please?'"_

I'm referring to the day she turned into the marriageable age of sixteen, an adult by Water Tribe law, and had to have her Coming of Age ceremony in North Pole. She was so nervous for many reasons- for one she had met a sweet boy who was also coming of age and it had been arranged that he would be her escort, I suspect my brother wanted to push them into marriage and I did not like it in the least but he obviously didn't know Korra very well, she was too independent and rebellious and the relationship went nowhere in the end but at the time she had simply been so happy for that little bit of male attention that I nearly felt jealous.

But other things worried her too- it was only her second time meeting her cousins and her first time going to the North, it was going to be a fairly public event and like today she was terrified of the attention and trying stubbornly to not crack under stress. She made me dance with her then to, since it would be part of the ceremony and she wanted me close by at every possible second to keep the prying gossipy girls of the city away.

_"So I will dance with Cinderella_

_While she is here in my arms._

_'Cause I know something the prince never knew._

_Oh, I will dance with Cinderella,_

_I don't want to miss even one song_

_'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight_

_And she'll be gone._

_She will be gone…"_

Now that I think about it, she does have a real prince now, one that is probably anxiously waiting to see her at the altar. That makes me a little envious but it's true that I know things about this girl that he will never know, I've seen and shared things with her that he will only comprehend when he has his own child (and probably Korra's) in his arms, thinking of that sort of cycle is heartwarming but I am filled with pride for knowing my Korra better than anyone in the world, better than her future husband, better than her best friend, better than the master Katara she loved so much in this life and the one before, even better than her mother since Korra always confided in me, we were always two peas in a pod.

And yet, I know that after this she will no longer be my little Cinderella. She will be a real woman, a married woman, a fully realized Avatar. In a sense, my baby will be gone…

_"Well, she came home that day with a necklace in her hand_

_Just glowing and telling us all they had planned._

_She's said, "Dad, the wedding's still six months away_

_But I need to practice my dancing._

_Oh, please, Daddy, please?'"_

That day was carved in my memory like a burn in my brain. At first I was stunned, angry and defensive, Senna said I just didn't want to lose my baby girl to another man, especially after I discovered who the man was, I guess my brave wife was right and I regret having reacted so badly but in the end when Korra spoke to me like a little girl again I broke down and my love for her made me accept anything that made her happy.

I still defend that I will break that man's limbs and toss him in the Northern sea mid-winter if he ever hurts her again but so long as he makes her happy, so long as he brings that lovely glow to her smile, I will accept him like my own flesh and blood.

But right now…right now in this room she is mine and I want to dance with her for every single second that I can, so I tilt her down and swoop her back up, letting our bodies move with the grace of flowing water. Korra really is so good at this, she may be brawny, tomboyish and athletic but she dances like a flower petal floating downstream and I now see how beautiful she has become to the point of turning the heads of men despite her natural intimidating, impulsive and reckless nature.

_"So I will dance with Cinderella_

_While she is here in my arms._

_'Cause I know something the prince never knew._

_Oh, I will dance with Cinderella,_

_I don't want to miss even one song._

_'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight…_

_And she'll be gone…"_

The song is about to end and I think I let my memories get the best of me because I feel tears spilling down my cheeks and scattering in my beard as I hug Korra to me with the last slow notes of the song. I don't want to let her go, I want her in my arms forever but I know she is no longer mine to keep, if anything she is the one strong enough to protect me now and that feels as awe-inspiring as it does silly.

I don't want to miss another single minute in her life, I don't want to miss another song like this one, I've missed too many, I've let too many chances like this go by when I was too busy to be home, when she was locked in that training complex, when she started a life miles away in this city and I missed the biggest turning points of her life. I know I'll be going back to the South Pole with Senna soon but right now I'm promising myself I'll never waste another moment with Korra, I'll keep supporting her every day of her life and I will always be by her side the moment she calls for me, she will never have to beg again.

"I'm so proud of you. I've always been proud of you, every single day since you were born and I always will." I tell her the words that I regret not telling her every day of her life and I hope she understand just how true they are and how much she means to me.

"I love you, dad." Korra is looking up from my chest and I see she's crying again but this time she's smiling that knowing smug grin that runs in both our veins.

"I love you too, Korra. So much, baby girl." I kiss her forehead. "I always will."

"Ditto, daddy." She stands on tiptoes and kisses my moist cheek. I know it's silly for such a huge burly warrior like me to cry from something as trivial as memories of my daughter but I can't help it, besides she's the only one here to see my shame.

After a few moments, we disentangle from the embrace and I quickly and bashfully dash away my tears with the back of my hand, watching her do the exact same thing. We really are exactly alike, even if she did inherit her mother's serene dollish beauty. As she moves to turn off the radio and look out the window again I turn and pick up the discarded engagement necklace and walk up behind her to slip it gently around her neck and tie it securely in place so it hugs her throat comfortably and express her romance for the entire world to see. I set my hand on her shoulder once it's done and she reaches up to lay her hand on mine.

"Time to make your sweetheart the happiest man in the entire world." I squeeze her shoulder softly and reassuringly. "That lucky bastard is stealing you away from me but you better not forget your old pops." I'm joking to lighten the mood and calm her nerves.

"I could never forget you, dad. You're the _biggest_ man I know." She jokes about my size as she turns to face me but I know it has a double meaning, I know she's speaking about our feelings in her own silly way. "You'll always be in my life."

"You better believe it, kiddo." I hug her again and walk her to the door, shattering the illusion of a tiny little world of our own as we step past the threshold. "Got get 'em, Avatar Korra."

"Only if you're in the front row with me, great Tonraq."

She chuckles as an anxious pair of people, Asami and master Tenzin, round the corner and seem to relax instantly at the sight of a smiling Korra. That's when I know it's time to go, the groom is probably already waiting for his bride, Tenzin's daughters are probably eager to scatter flowers in Korra's wake as she walks with me down the aisle, Tenzin's son must be half-asleep holding the offerings that the couple will present to the Spirits, and my brother will be getting tense from the delay in the ceremony. It's time for Korra's big event.

"Always, my Cinderella."

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

_(Author's Note: I chose to write this sweet little thing because I thought Dazzle would appreciate it but I have to admit that I cried a lot while working on it… I just have too many father (biological, adoptive and stepfather) issues and this touched me too deeply. I hope you all enjoyed it though._

_Also, I kept it open enough so you can guess who the groom his. It probably fits quite a few ships such as Makorra, Amorra, Korralok, Tahnorra, etc.)_


	8. Track 8- Secret

Track 8- Secret

(This is dedicated to **masksarehot**! It's a late birthday present for her since she's a lieumon fan ^_^

-Happy Belated Birthday, Masksy! I told you I had a gift for you! You certainly deserve it. xD-

Note: Lyrics will be in _italic._ The spoke part of the song will be **bold**. Some minor words/names were altered to fit the characters.

Theme: Lieutenant wants to see Amon's face and Amon wants to show it to him…but it's a secret. Mind games ensue. (Non-Cannon)

Warnings: M/M, power play, implied BDSM.

Song: 'Secret' by The Pierces)

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

Oh, Sprits, what have I gotten myself into?! All I wanted was the truth, all I wanted was to see the face of the man that fascinated me beyond anything proper and yet, now that I am anxiously pacing his office and waiting for him, I feel like I have dug too deep, I feel like I'm going to drown any second now just from the sheer anxiety…

I've been at his side for almost a decade, I've been his right arm for almost as long and never once have I seen his face. I understand the need to hide, I understand that some scars are better kept hidden be it for his own good or that of any onlookers, I do know that he is a very public target, especially now that he has declared war on the city and therefore having his face known would be a great danger, I also understand that he uses the mask as a symbol, one that brings hope and unity to our followers as well as fear to our enemies, it is also a symbol that anyone could pick up to replace him if he happened to die but nobody would ever have Amon's charisma, nobody can really take his place. It occurs to me that the mask is also a symbol of equality, after all, don't all us equalists wear masks to hide our identities as well as make us identical to anyone's eyes?

I know all these things but it is has always stung me that I haven't seen him. I know he doesn't see me as much more than the competent ruthless lieutenant that I strive to be, for him I have become I war machine, one that is perfectly tuned to obey his every order without question. But deep down I wanted to be seen as much more, when one has admired a man like Amon and followed him for as long as I have it's impossible not to develop deeper feelings and mine run as deep as the Mo Ce Sea whose shores I grew up on.

I don't expect him to suddenly reciprocate my feelings, that would be absurd! However, I wish that he could see me as more than a battle comrade, I want him to see me as a friend and maybe even as a confidant since I am well aware that anything further than that would be pathetic dreaming on my part. I am not sure a man like Amon can allow himself to be open to any sort of romantic feelings be they for whatever gender, I think he is so immersed in our cause that in his eyes romantic feelings are a waste of time and energy so it would be foolish of me to hope for anything further, especially with my unique…preferences. Not to mention we are not young little teenagers with heads filled with theatrical notions of romance and passion…No, we are strategically driven adults with a purpose in life and dreaming of kisses and afterglow is simply pitiable. But then why can't I keep my eyes off him?

I really couldn't help myself that night. I just wanted to see the face of the man I fantasized about for so long, I just wanted to prove he could trust me with at least that much, I just wanted to show that there would be no pity or judgment in my eyes when I saw the scars he claimed to carry… Before I knew it I had stumbled into a nightmare.

It was only a few days ago, I snuck into his bolted room at night with lock picking abilities that served me well in a different lifetime. I was hoping to find him asleep and see the face I had been imagining every day for almost a decade, the idea held some sort of forbidden morbid fascination to me but when I walked inside he was nowhere to be seen. Worse yet were the things I found in that room- pictures, dozens upon dozens of pictures littering the walls, the majority of them were paper clippings from tabloids but they all sported the same face- Councilman Tarrlok.

Tarrlok has always been a target but so are many others and this level of obsession gave even a seasoned warrior like me the chills. I could feel cold sweat breaking out in the back of my head and between my shoulders as I examined the pictures and clippings depicting pretty much the entire public life of the Councilor from the day he walked into Republic City. I'm not sure if what I felt was revulsion, fear, jealousy, intrigue, worry or disdain but all the emotions were clogging my throat, my stomach rolled and my heart beat louder and louder in my chest the longer I stayed there.

"Enjoying yourself, lieutenant?" His voice spooked me so much I turned in a flash with my weapons at the ready. He had walked into the room so silently that that I hadn't even heard him but before I could react further he was chi-blocking me, pinning my hands over my head and slamming so hard against the wall that several clippings went flying through the air like leaves in autumn.

"Sir, I apologize for…" I began to speak as fear, panic, loyalty and admiration blended into a single emotion and irrational regret clouded my mind.

"Of all the people in the world, you were the last I expected to find betraying my trust, lieutenant." His words chilled me to the bone. The accusations of betrayal hurt like a stab to the chest…literally, I did feel literal pain for some strange reason.

"Sir, please allow me to explain." I kept my voice as proper and harsh as always, not a hint of fear in it but I was pretty certain that man could ALWAYS spot a lie.

"Explain then." That deep, charismatic rusty voice was music to my ears even in the present predicament. "Why did you break into my private quarters at such late hours of the night without permission? Because given that there is no urgent matter that would require my attention so immediately, it just seems to me like you were spying… or perhaps conspiring to catch me off-guard and asleep."

"No, sir. Not at all." I replied in a heartbeat.

"Then explain." He waited, with those colorless masked eyes boring into me.

"Sir, I admit I have done a great wrong sneaking in here like a spider-rat without permission but my intentions were not disloyal or dishonorable!" I watch him tilt his head to the side as if assessing the extent of my honesty but he doesn't interrupt so I continue. "I admit my plan was flawed and pathetic but all I wanted was…"

"What, lieutenant?" He sounded harsh.

"To see your face, sir. We have been together so long that my morbid curiosity got the better of me. I realize I am unworthy to ask for such trust as I am no more than an underling but I wish you would know that I would not betray you, I wish you could be able to see me as a confidant as well as a comrade but if that much is impossible I at least wished to see the real you before this war escalates, seeing as any of us could perish in it." I spoke the truth but until the words were out I hadn't even realized that those were my actual feelings so I hoped he would not mistake my surprise for dishonesty.

"So, you wish to be my _friend_, lieutenant?" His tone was almost mocking and suddenly that mask seemed to be smirking at me. "You wish to know the real me?" He leaned closer until I could feel the nose of the mask against my skin. "You can't handle the real me."

"You could let me try, Amon." The words slipped out almost angry and desperate as I forgot myself for a moment.

He tossed me to the ground and loomed over me like something larger than life, like a creature from another world that fascinated me as well as eluded me and terrified me. He pointed at the door and I understood the silent order and stood to scurry away on numb legs before he slammed the door behind me.

After that our interactions were cold and steely but efficient as always until a week later I was called into his office after hours, so here I am now- trying not to panic as I wonder if I dug too deep, if he will distrust me forever and shun me, if he will never again accept my loyalty much less my affection.

The door creaks open and I stop pacing to stand at attention. He walks in with slow economical strides and closes the door, locking in behind him which only serves to jitter my nerves and confound me further.

"At ease, lieutenant." He moves to the washed out old desk and sits at his old maroon velvet chair, placing his elbows on the desk and stippling his fingers as that masked face watches my form relax somewhat. "Does it ever occur to you how unfair and unequal the social structure of an army is?"

"Excuse me, sir?" I am puzzled by his words.

"Sit, lieutenant." He beckons at the chair on the other side of the desk and I take a seat, slightly hypnotized by those long powerful fingers that remain elegantly stippled together, but his voice brings me back to myself. "It occurred to me the other day that the social structure of an army, of leader and underling, really causes a great strain on relationships. It makes equality within such a group quite impossible, wouldn't you agree? I find it ironic."

"It is a necessary evil, sir." Truth be told, I had never thought about it that way. We were trying to bring about fairness and equality but he was right, in the end he was our supreme leader and that made him superior; I never had any qualms with seeing him as a god among men but that was an opinion clouded by my feelings and now that he had pointed it out I could see the irony in our relationship. "People are lost without a leader, sir. Regardless of the objective."

"Wouldn't that be hypocrisy, lieutenant? To have someone like me above all others?" I'm starting to think this man can read minds and I hope he isn't reading mine because the way he just phrased his words conjures up very inappropriate imagery in my brain.

"Not in my view, sir. I hardly believe an honorable and respectful man such as you would endanger our goal, enforcing it would be the more proper term." I try to keep my voice normal, steady and no-nonsense as it always is but I think I might have faltered a little.

"Shall we test that logic, lieutenant?"

"Excuse me?" His words caught me completely by surprise and I am utterly confused.

"I need a new perspective. I fear the power and idolatry may be rising to my head, I need level ground." He still hasn't moved those powerful fingers and that mask is so still that he feels statuesque. "That is where you can help me."

"How so, sir?" Anything that can help him is worth trying, anything at all. At least in my mind.

"For starters, stop calling me sir. Stop seeing me as your superior and let us test your little challenge."

"Challenge, sir?" I am so stunned that the honorific slips out before I can't think about it.

"Yes, you said you could handle the real me. You stated you wanted to be my…_friend_." He rolled the word on his tongue tentatively and it made my heart pound with teenage excitement. "Well, then, let us test your resolve, shall we?"

"Do you mean that…Amon?" I test the name, watching his reaction. By the way his fingers shift almost unperceptively it seems to me he is hesitant.

"Yes, Tullik." I hear him say my name for the time in a decade and it sounds more melodious than any song when it slips out in that intense voice of his.

"Will you let me see your face?" I watch him separate his fingers at last and reach under the table. One hand returns holding a bottle of pale blue tinted liquid that I recognize as Frostbite, the drink my Water Tribe father always kept around the house, the other hand returns with a pair of cups.

"We shall see. However, if you do get to see it you will need to be in a far different frame of mind." He fills a cup with the sea-smelling drink and slides it over to me. "Drink with me, Tullik." He is already filling the second glass.

"Alright, Amon." I pick up the offered cup and sip on the drink. It has a tart saltiness to it and a slight sweet after taste but it slides like cold water down my throat leaving behind a very unique cold burn sensation all over my mouth, throat and chest.

The Frostbite makes all the muscles in my body relax after a couple of sips and after a whole cup it goes straight to my head and makes me feel slightly giddy. I'm somewhat curious as to who could have invented the typical Water Tribe beverage when one of the ingredients was Earth Kingdom cactus water but I have to admit that the nostalgic flavor of the incredibly strong drink is soothing and helps me see this situation with much more optimism which is why I assume Amon chose it, he probably needs it to allow himself to break through the paranoia and show me his face.

I watch him, I have never seen him partake in food with that mask on but I was always amazed by how skilled he is in tipping the cup over the mouth of the mask in just the right position to allow him to drink, just as he is now while sipping at the powerful bluish liquid.

"I always wondered how you did that." I notice my voice is more mellow that usual but I keep watching him as he refills my cup.

"You wouldn't want to know." His answer is cryptic enough to make my fiddle with the tips of my mustache but I shrug and sip on my newly refilled cup.

"Can I ask something? I don't want to pry, I am merely curious." Something had been eating at me for a while and now that alcohol made me bold, I might as well say it.

"Ask away." I watch him relax at last, leaning back on his chair and sipping at the drink once more as those penetrating eyes of his watch me closely.

"Why all the pictures of Tarrlok?" I stare right back into those colorless eyes. I have been thinking for a while and it occurs to me that although all the information Amon had piled in his room about the Councilman could be justified, nothing short of sick obsession could explain the sheer amount of pictures, he seemed to have every single image ever published of the man and even more that the public might never see.

"You wouldn't understand, Tullik." I see him take another drag of the beverage. "It's personal."

"Is it some sort of grudge?" I hope it is, I'm ashamed to admit but I hope he hates the man and not just because he is a corrupted bender politician.

"No, it is not. My feelings for Tarrlok are…different." He hesitates but what really gets me is the way he says the other man's name, he says it with warmth, affection and a hint of sorrow.

Just hearing it makes me seethe with jealousy and my chest constricts with pain, the way Amon says Tarrlok's name is probably the same way I have said Amon's name time and time again. What hurts the most isn't the jealousy though, or the disgust given what Tarrlok is, what hurts is that Tarrlok is male which just means Amon isn't so different from me and yet is still so far away.

"Different?" I choke on the word and push it down with a third cup of Frostbite. "Different? What exactly are these feelings you hold for that repulsive wretch?" I realize I'm being irrational and impolite but who cares?

"Tullik, as much as I agree that Councilman Tarrlok is a plague on this city and a curse on humanity and as much as I plan to cleanse him, I will politely request that you do not call him such things." His voice is steel and I think he's well on his way to a third cup of booze too.

"What?! Why would it matter how I speak of the pompous ass?" I bark at him, sloshing my drink as I slam the cup on the table.

"Enough! Don't talk of him that way." He retorts defensively, almost childishly, sitting bolt upright in his chair.

"Why not? Do you love him that much that you can't stand an insult or two?" It was just angry sarcasm but deep down I hope he would say no.

"Yes!" The answer seems to have spilled out before he could think it through and suddenly we are staring at each other in shock, or at least I think he is also in shock though I can't see his face. After a few heavy moments he downs an entire cup of the drink and looks away ashamed.

"You're in love with Tarrlok?" I gape at him in shocked disbelief.

"No. That would be repulsive." He does sound disgusted with the thought.

"You just said you loved him." I give him a flat but still stunned look.

"I love him, I am not _in_ love with him." He retorts with a snarky tone I didn't know he possessed.

"What's the difference?!" I shout out in confusion, I'm not really angry just very dumbfounded and depressed.

"He's…You wouldn't want to know." He gets up and moves away from me, standing by the window and looking into his cup, watching his masked reflection in the light blue liquid.

I get up and move towards him with snappy speed then I angrily force him to face me and push him into the wall pinning my hands to his chest, even though he is taller, even though he is my superior, even though I love him. Yes, I admit it, I love him and I'm jealous as fuck right now.

"Tell me! What the hell is so special about that asshole Tarrlok?!" I shout in his face, aware that I'm half-drunk already as I insist over and over again. "Tell me! Tell me the truth, damn it!"

"He's my brother!" Amon yells back so suddenly, so angrily under all my pressure and his words make me pull my hands away as if he had burned me.

"…What…?" I can't believe my ears. This should make me furious but instead I feel the jealousy give way to relief.

"He…Why did I say that…?" Amon clutches his own head in frustration, obviously angry at the flaw in his self-control.

"He's your brother?" I'm staring at him so shocked that my blue eyes must be the size of saucers. "What about the whole story of the little farmer boy whose family was killed by a firebender? Did you lie? Or is it that Tarrlok is lying about being a Northern Water Tribe immigrant?"

"…" He doesn't reply and looks at floor, the tension between us is so thick I could slice through it with a knife but at last he speaks. "Why is it you can always break through my perfect self-control, Tullik? What makes you so special?"

"Huh?" His words leave me so baffled that I can't even articulate proper sentences. Still, I'm begging myself not to misinterpret, not to hope too much for something I can't have.

"I want to trust you. I want to tell you everything even though every rational thought tells me I shouldn't trust anybody." He confesses with some sort of emotion I can't identify. "I want be more than your leader, you slip right through my barriers…But I mustn't tell you, not only would it be foolish on my part, it would be dangerous for you as well."

"Dangerous?" I don't give a damn about the danger right now, I'm more interested in the 'more than your leader' and 'you slip through my barriers' parts.

"Ah, Tullik…" He whispers my name and edges closer to me with predatory ease. "You have no idea how dangerous my secrets can be…Or how far I'll go for them."

"Try me." I challenge him immediately. So far pushing him has yielded more results in a week than blind loyalty has done in a decade and I'm too muddled to let him slip through my fingers again.

"Do you like music, Tullik?" He pushes me back into my seat but drags my chair around until I'm in the middle of the dim office.

"Music? I'm afraid I'm missing the point." I stare at him with my brows furrowed in concentration. Is this one of his theatrical little acts?

"Music often holds all sorts of messages expressed with a poetic intensity that reaches the listener in ways that would otherwise simply fall into deaf ears." He is circling me and I see him pull a dusty gramophone from the corner of the room before snapping up one of the many records from one of the many shelves in this small office. By the slightly swaying way he moves I assume he must be drunker than I thought, despite his clear reasoning.

"And what of it?" I watch him as he settles the record on the gramophone.

"Such messages expressed in song can sometimes convey emotions and threats much more sharply than words, my…_friend_." He hisses out the word in a way that makes me gulp and the way his voice has dropped three octaves in pitch makes my spine tingle with fear as much as arousal.

"Are you about to threaten me?" I quirk a brow at him and my mustache twitches slightly with a shadow of a smirk. Amon, singing? I know the man has no shame but that would certainly be a sight to behold.

"Warn you, lieutenant." He corrects casually. "You should know by now how my dramatic demonstrations tend to be far more effective than simple words."

I nod as he stands before me and the static of the gramophone crackles in my ears. He is right, of course, I have seen how effective his little games are on the enemy in the decade we have shared together and if has prepared something of the like for me then I can only imagine what will happen to me next.

_"Got a secret,_

_Can you keep it?"_

He really is singing in that baritone that keeps me on edge and the meaning of this song is immediately evident, I am nodding against my will, silently begging him to tell the truth even as the eerie threatening music from the record slithers into my ears made even creepier by the deep, slow dangerous tone of his voice.

_"Swear this one you'll save._

_Better lock it in your pocket,_

_Taking this one to the grave."_

He drops something his own pocket, the key to this office it seems, and I realized I am trapped in here with this man who is telling me he will kill to keep his secrets safe… Suddenly I'm not sure I want to know what he's hiding but I am determined to drag it out of him just the same even if all of the sudden my throat feels dry and constricted and my whole body is wired with tension.

_"If I show you then I know you_

_Won't tell what I said_

_Because two can keep a secret…"_

He is tracing his mask as he sings, and I almost believe he will tear it off but I hear the pause, it's a fraction of a second but it's enough to make me dread what he will say next.

_"…if one of them is dead."_

I see. He doesn't fear that I will tell the world about his secrets because he will kill me before I get the chance. I suppose the question now is- do I really want to know badly enough to risk it? Am I loyal enough not to be appalled by whatever gruesome secret he is hiding?

My answer is yes. I love this man no matter what and so long as he trusts me enough to reveal his darkest hidden secrets then I can handle whatever he has in store for me. The thought makes me grin with a confidence that his eerie warning song has been sapping away as it strummed on my nerves.

_"Why do you smile_

_Like you have told a secret?"_

"I'm not. I wouldn't." I reply immediately but he is unfazed by the interruption.

_"Now you're telling lies_

_'Cause you have sworn to keep it_

_But no one keeps a secret."_

I am so confused by this man right now that it's infuriating! Does he assume I cannot be trusted? Does he think I would lie to him? Does he believe I would have to lie to anyone to keep his words safe?

_"Why when we do our darkest deeds do we tell?_

_They burn in our brains,_

_Become a living hell. _

_'Cause everybody tells…_

_Everybody tells…"_

I think he is telling me that he can't handle it anymore, that he needs to confess these dark deeds to me but is he also telling me that his secrets would haunt me? Is he telling me that they would place such a large burden on me that I would be unable to take the strain? The mere suggestion offends me! Does he find me weak or just distrustful? Have I ever showed any sign of either in the past ten years?

_"Got a secret,_

_Can you keep it?_

_Swear this one you'll save._

_Better lock it in your pocket_

_Taking this one to the grave._

_If I show you then I know you_

_Won't tell what I said_

_'Cause two can keep a secret_

_If one of them is dead."_

Once again he emphasizes his message and I'm starting to get the point- he will kill me, he will destroy me before he lets me reveal his secrets…But that also means he is considering telling me everything and that makes up for any threat this song may hold so I keep a straight face and hold my chin up steadily, stoically and proudly, I won't show weakness, I will prove my loyalty.

_"Look into my eyes,_

_Now you're getting sleepy…_

_Are you hypnotized_

_By secrets that you're keeping?_

_I know what you're keeping…_

_I know what you're keeping…"_

The way he is holding my jaw and leaning forward so suggestively makes my heart race. What does he mean? Suddenly my previous decision to stay steady is melting into blind panic as his other hand trails down my chest seductively, intimately, slipping between my legs to make a point as that warm large palm cups my crotch. I have to bite the inside of my cheek just to keep from breaking under his touch and I fight to look into those colorless eyes behind the mask trying not to cave to his intimation as it dawns on me:

He knows. He knows how I feel for him. Since when?

_"Got a secret,_

_Can you keep it?_

_Swear this one you'll save._

_Better lock it in your pocket_

_Taking this one to the grave._

_If I show you then I know you_

_Won't tell what I said_

_'Cause two can keep a secret_

_If one of them is dead."_

The repetition now sends shivers of dread down my spine when before it incited determination, hope and confusion. I see now that I underestimated how much of a master manipulator he is and how well he can slip into my mind before I realize what he is doing.

He stops touching me but braces himself on either arm of my chair, effectively trapping me with the mask and inch from my face.

**"Lieutenant?"**

**"Yes, Amon?"**

**"I have something I want to tell you, but you have to promise never to tell anyone."**

**"I promise."**

**"Do you swear on your life?"**

**"I swear on my life."**

The exchange of words was normal but it feels almost as if he pulled me into the song against my will and I was too entranced to deny him, I was too mesmerized to do anything but answer exactly as he wanted me to, even though those simple words might have just sealed my fate.

_"You swore you'd never tell…_

_You swore you'd never tell…_

_You swore you'd never tell…_

_You swore you'd never tell…"_

The singing is almost mocking now. I'm not sure if he doesn't believe or if he just thinks I'm being naïve, maybe he's teasing me, heck maybe he's just highlighting his threat again, either way that mocking sing-song voice and the way he uses my words against me is creeping me out more that any 'I'll kill you'.

_"Got a secret_

_Can you keep it?_

_Swear this one you'll save._

_Better lock it in your pocket_

_Taking this one to the grave._

_If I show you then I know you_

_Won't tell what I said_

_'Cause two can keep a secret_

_If one of them is dead."_

He's repeating himself again and now it's wearing down my nerves and really inspiring undiluted distress in me but I'm more morbidly curious than ever. He is building up the expectation while heightening my anticipations of horror so much that I no longer know what to expect, I'm ready for the worst of the worst and I'm dying to know even if it costs me my life.

I assume this reaction is exactly what he intended from the start. His psychological games seem to work even though I am perfectly aware of how his fucking with my mind.

_"Got a secret_

_Can you keep it?_

_Swear this one you'll save._

_Better lock it in your pocket_

_Taking this one to the grave._

_If I show you then I know you_

_Won't tell what I said_

_'Cause two can keep a secret_

_If one of them is dead."_

The song is faster now, almost dizzyingly so while he sings into my ear in that demanding commanding voice and it's really tugging my resolve and driving me insane. If he doesn't stop soon I will despair even before he tells me any of the so called secrets!

_"Got a secret._

_Can you keep it?_

_Swear this one you'll save._

_Better lock it in your pocket_

_Taking this one to the grave."_

It's so fast now that I'm starting to shake with repressed stress and my hands are clammy and fisted in my clothes. If this had been an interrogation, he would have pulled every single sliver of information out of me by now given our unique circumstances and my emotions for him but since it's a threat I can do nothing but endure and wait. I have a feeling my reaction is just the sign he needed in order to see how effectively he pushed me to the brink without even using any sort of physical torture to make his point. I have a feeling this is almost over.

_"If I show you then I know you…"_

He grasps the edge of the mask and pulls away from me. I hold my breath.

_"…Won't tell what I said_

_'Cause two can keep a secret_

_If one of them is dead."_

He pulls the mask off and I stare in to the most flawless and dazzlingly handsome male face I have ever encountered in my entire life. It makes me feel awkward and unsightly in comparison even though I know I'm not bad looking in the least despite my age.

He is obviously Water Tribe, that tan skin and those pale icy eyes are proof of that. I can now believe that he was telling the truth- there is a certain similarity with Tarrlok, not much though, this man is much more handsome less…abrasive I guess is the word I would use for Tarrlok.

"…_'Cause two can keep a secret_

_If one of them is dead."_

Suddenly he does something that I was not expecting in the least. He tosses the mask to the floor, raises a single hand and I feel my body spasm against my will as I slip out of the seat and am dragged over to him by some sort of invisible force that seems to want to rip my veins right out of my flesh. I don't want to but I scream even with the excruciating pain constricting my throat and even though I twitch I am unable to struggle as I move closer and…

He kisses me. It is violent and possessive, it's all a mash of lips and teeth in bites and pulls and I can taste the Frostbite in his tongue. I wonder what this is…An apology? No, it's too rough. A reward for the pain? A threat? Either way, as soon as his lips pull away I feel my body fall out of that grip and collapse on the ground on my knees as powerless as a ragged wet rag.

_"Yes, two can keep a secret_

_If one of us is…Dead."_

He finishes the song and I realize he was right- his secrets are more gruesome than anything I could ever had phantom. He's right about the rest too- he can't reveal them to anyone without killing the listener, he would be risking more than just his cause and his work, he would be risking his life. But is he right about me? Will I reveal his lies and treachery to the world or will he be forced to kill me as I have no doubt he can with minimal effort?

I'm not really sure of the answer but as pant and sweat on the ground, trying to recover control of my trembling body and shaky breath I remember the taste of that kiss… And it sparks an idea in me- he was honest and told me the truth, a risk he needn't take, that says plenty about his trust in me; and he kissed me, that has to mean something… Perhaps if I stay loyal, perhaps if I listen to what he has to say then I will be able to get the man I've wanted for a decade and he will be too indebt to deny me. The only question is- do I still want this lying bloodbending monster?

Yes, I realize I do and the danger of it just entices me even further.

"You're a bloodbender?" I choke out the words, looking up at his stoic face while I recover my composure. Luckily the pain has sobered me up completely. "Without the full moon?"

"You asked who was lying, lieutenant- Tarrlok or me?" I see a sad smirk on his lips for the first time and the expression makes my heart beat even harder against my ribs. "The answer would be…Both of us."

"Tell me." I stand on shaky legs but face him head-on, trying to mask my fear with stubborn anger.

"Tarrlok is my little brother and we are the sons of Yakone." His words are bold but hold so much resentment that they feel poisonous. "We are both unique bloodbenders and we both came from the Northern Water Tribe but I abandoned that family when I was sixteen and haven't seen any of them since."

"Were you watching Tarrlok or protecting him? Was he a target or an ally?" That part angers me for real, I'm not sure if he is really the leader of our cause or just using us all to gain power with that wretched man.

"Protecting him?" He seems to muse on the words for a moment. "Yes, ever since we were children his safety has been my goal. But an ally? No, I plan to cleanse him and make him repent for sins just like all the others; I simply want to ensure he doesn't die or get arrested before I can get to him."

"And is your _cleansing_ done with bloodbending as well?" I spit the words at him with fury. The thought of such hypocrisy turns my stomach.

"Yes. I have always been a prodigious bender, lieutenant." He smirks coldly at me again, as if my rage was the most expected and yet harmless thing he knew, but there was something…some sorrow in that smirk…self-hatred perhaps? "I warned you my secrets would burden you. Does my duplicity disgust you?"

"YES!" I shout out in frustration but the sight of that smirk makes me bite my tongue as my emotions battle with my integrity. "Do even believe in our cause or this just a game of power for you?!" I need to know this, it's the most important piece of information for me right now and it will determine whether or not I have wasted my life and my heart.

"Tullik, if there is one thing I can swear my life on it is that this cause IS my life, it is my everything, it is my calling, my fate, my truth." I can hear the honesty in his voice and the way he stares into my blue eyes makes me swallow all the desire that rises up my body.

"But…?" There has to be a 'but'.

"But as I said before I fear I am loosing perspective amidst the lies and the hypocrisy. I will not lie and say I dislike the power. No, in fact I crave it more and more each day even though I desire to employ it for our cause, for fairness in this world, still, with all that thrill of power comes the doubt that it might be clouding my judgment." He pauses his speech to lean close to me, so close that he's invading all my personal space and I can feel his breath in my face. That proximity is more dangerous to me than any threat of bloodbending. "That is when you come in."

"What does this have to do with me?" I hiss out the words, trying so hard to hate him.

"I know how you feel about me, Tullik. I've always known." His words chill my blood as his pale sky-colored eyes seem to read into my soul. "I could sense every racing heartbeat, I could see every surreptitious glance and sharp intake of breath when I came too close and that jealousy you display today… That was the last push I needed."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, you do. The fact that you experienced my skill and have not attempted to kill me or tried to jump out the window to get away from me just proves that I am right about you. Isn't that so?"

"No. That's nonsense." My eyes betray me by flickering away when I should have held eye contact.

"If you're this bad at lying we might have a problem. You can't keep my secrets that way." He mocks me with that grin as he leans even closer, pressing his body to mine until it feels like a line of fire against my clothed skin.

"Does that mean you'll trust me?" I'm still trying to understand this puzzling man but I made a promise, I swore, and I am honor bound to keep it. His honesty also touches me deeply and perhaps one day I can overcome the double standards and lies so long as I get him as a reward.

"It means I need you."

"I still remain your loyal lieutenant." More, say you need more.

"I want more." His words make my heart pound and this time I know he knows.

"A friend?" I push him hesitantly.

"A lover." He's smirking again, I can see he has very little control on his expressions when the mask comes off and I find that I like that, I find that want to make that face twist with emotion over and over again. "One that can keep me in perspective and put me back in place if I wander off and get drunk on power."

"Are…Are you mocking me, Amon?" I hope not, oh Spirits please say this isn't a joke, please say this is real, I don't even care about the bending, the bloodbending, or the lies, just say you really want me.

"Of do you wish to test me?" He croons the words practically into my lips and I can't help myself any longer.

I kiss him so hard that I knock the breath from our lungs as our mouths meld into a mesh of lips and my tongue traces over his pearly teeth and plunders into that mouth, claiming and tasting it all while I shove him forcefully against the wall of the office, breaking a shelf in the process and digging my fingernails into the back of his neck so hard that he hisses with pain into the kiss and I practically feed on the sound of it. When I back away at last I see the wildness in his eyes and I want him more than ever.

"Why did you bloodbend me?" I growl the question but refuse to move or let go of him.

"You needed to feel it and I needed to know if you could handle it." He seems disinclined to push me back and I like that immensely. I also know what he's not telling me- he bloodbended me as a threat, so I would know what expected me if I revealed his secret, he also did it as a warning, so I could see how such power could warp his mind.

"You enjoyed watching me at your mercy, you enjoyed watching me squirm, you loved hearing me scream." I accuse him angrily but it's not quite anger I feel as much as some degree of trauma, shame and resentment that he broke someone like me so easily.

"Perhaps. Though I enjoyed watching you stay after it all even more." His tone has softened, he's no longer smug as we dwell into the vulnerable side of his emotions.

"I'll make you pay for that, you know?" I'm the smug one now. I finally have the excuse to get this man on his knees and revel in his pain and pleasure.

"I am well aware of your…tendencies, Tullik." He gives me a smoldering look that makes me lick my lips with anticipation.

"Does that mean you'll submit to me?" My hands move slowly around his neck, my fingers wrapping around his throat with the possessive urge to dominate and he does not resist even as I squeeze just enough for his breath to come out hot and ragged. "Will you let me make you experience pain and pleasure so intense that they will mingle into a single desire so overwhelming powerful and addicting that it drive rational thought from your mind and make you crumble at my feet begging for more?" Just thinking about the things I could do to him makes my cock harden like heated rock in my slacks and I know he can probably sense that too, if not with his skills then by the way I am crushing myself to him.

"Yes…" That breathy hesitant edge to his voice makes me groan low in my throat with desire. I realize that discovering the truth has made me want him more, I desired him when I thought he was a scarred non-bender but now that I know how handsome he is, now that I am the only one with that knowledge and the knowledge that he is a powerful bloodbender, I feel even more attracted, even more empowered by the idea of making this huge man kneel to me. I'm lost, in a single night he has shocked me, shattered me, traumatized me and now stolen my heart and my very soul.

"Why?" I don't really care, I just want to hear that breathy submissive voice in the lips of my beloved leader again.

"It's…it's one way of keeping things into perspective…Of staying humble…" He murmurs out with pale blue eyes burning as I keep my hands around that strong flawless throat. "You can even chi-block me…to ensure I won't bend when we are together…" The whispered offer delights me to no end but am already forgetting that he's a bloodbender so it is of no consequence, so long as he submits himself to me willingly.

"That's not the only answer, is it, Amon?" I ignore the offer but it occurs to me that that is probably not even his real name.

"No…"

"Then tell the truth." I croon teasingly, applying an extra bit of pressure with my hands, just enough to push him but not even enough to bruise. "Why will you let me do this?"

"Because I want you." He chokes out the words lightly, closing his eyes as he speaks. "Because you fascinate me. Because I have fallen for you."

"I see…" I release his throat and watch him gasp for air as I burry my fingers in that perfectly cropped coffee hair and pull at it, forcing him to look at me with our faces so close together that we are sharing a breath. "Tell me your name."

"Amon."

"You're birth name." I hiss, pulling his hair a little harder.

"Noatak." He swallows convulsively, choking on the rusty word. I have the feeling this name hasn't been spoken in decades.

"Very well, Noatak. Let us see where this love takes us." I see him cringe at the word love but I also feel his body practically melting to mine as the tension leaks out of his body.

"Thank you." The pure gratitude and affection in his voice nearly breaks my dominant façade but I grin with pride and kiss those lips possessively again before pulling back just enough to look at him when I feel him trying to speak. "How will we handle this? With the others?" The sudden request for my input startles me at first but then I remember that in this private moment I am the master and the way he slips into that submissive mindset fills me with glee.

"It will be our little secret."


	9. Track 9- Thousand Years

Track 9- Thousand Years

(Note: Katara lyrics will be in _italic_, male lyrics will be **bold**, when both sing it will be **_italic bold underlined._**

Theme: Katara's end is near and Korra really can't handle losing her best friend. (Post-Cannon with references to A;TLA)

Song: 'Thousand Years' by Christina Perri)

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

I'm so tired of everything… I really truly am. I know I'm supposed to be the almighty Avatar, I know I've supposed to be the rock that holds this world, I know I'm supposed to be the scale of justice, I know I'm supposed to be strong…But right now I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm tired of my life at the age of twenty, I'm exhausted all the time, I'm always either crying or angry at everyone and I'm starting to scare myself, I don't know what's happening.

No…No, actually I do know, I just don't want to face it and that's what's destroying my own balance. I just can't handle the fact that Katara is dying.

She means so much to me; she's been in my life since I was four years old and ever since I have clung to her for everything. She's my best friend, my adoptive grandmother, my healing teacher, my waterbending master, my confidant and she's the voice of wisdom in my life. I know maybe my love for her stems from the relationship we had in my past life but I never thought about it that way, to me Katara has just been that person I admire and could always go to no matter what and that's what made me love her…

I knew this day had to come eventually, after all she was already an old lady by the time I was born and I'm a grown woman now and the disease and old age have been eating at her body for eight excruciating months so I should have been ready for it, I know that but…I can't take it. It's irrational but in my mind I just hoped Katara would live forever, always there as the ever present guiding light in my life. I'm a fool, I know, but I just don't want to lose her, she's still alive and yet I'm so consumed by dread and pain that I can barely even go visit her, I fear watching her warm smile fade, I'm terrified of looking into those lovely sapphire eyes and seeing them go blank and empty when her spirit leaves her body.

Still, I have to go see her, Kya says she's taken a turn for the worse so these might be her last few hours and of all the family and friends she has I was the one she called for, I was the one she wanted to see the most. That knowledge breaks my heart almost as much as it warms it.

The thick snow crunches under my feet and before I know it I'm knocking at the door of her little home on the White Lotus compound in the South Pole. I should feel comfortable with the familiarity, I practically grew up going in and out of this house but right now everything feels alien and depressing and my chest is just as cold as the snow around me.

"Oh. Thank you for coming, Korra." Kya answers the door and gives that tender accepting smile that is so similar to Katara's that I almost cringe.

"Is she awake?" I just want to make sure I'm not too late, I don't really mind if she's asleep.

"Yes, she's waiting for you." Kya motions for me to come in and I move quickly inside looking around the familiar house that marked my youth as much as the home of my parents.

"Are you coming with me?" I beckon towards Katara's room, I'm afraid I'll break down and upset the poor woman if I go in there alone.

"I'm sorry but she said she wanted privacy with you." Kya gives me an apologetic sad smile. "I'm going to the guest quarters of the compound, I'll be there a while with Lin, my brothers, nieces and nephews."

"Right. I'm sorry I'm stealing these precious moments from you guys." I bow my head in sadness and apology.

"Don't be silly. We had our entire lives with her. Now go on, before she worries." Kya encourages and ushers me but I still wait and watch her put on her coat and leave the hut before I gather all my courage.

"Katara?" I peek inside the room.

"Korra! Come here, child." She's lying on the bed, half proper up by pillows and looking too thin, too pale, too shaky, too tired, too everything. Yet, she smiles brilliantly at me and pats the spot on the bed next to her, a spot where I sit, allowing me to hold her warm hands in mine.

"You're looking better than I thought, old lady." I joke playfully rejoicing in the feel of her silky wrinkled warm hands.

"You are such a bad liar." She chuckles softly and laces her fingers with mine. "I've missed you, Avatar Korra."

"I missed you too, Sifu Katara." I'm smiling as naturally as I can but she's already seen right through me, I'm sure of it.

"How was the trip to the Fire Nation?" She looks hopeful.

"It was amazing. Lord Zuko, lady Mai, regent Ursa and General Iroh wanted to come see you but the Fire Lord and Lady are no longer fit enough to travel so far, they are older than you after all." Truth is that Zuko is dying too and he's so far gone that he can barely remember his own name but he still remembers his friends, he still recounts the adventures of their youth even though most of the time he's just speaking to the emptiness, unaware of anyone around him. I thought it would be best to keep that to myself, I don't want Katara to have to worry about one more thing.

"That's alright. They are always right here." Katara pats her own chest with a wrinkly hand and smiles nostalgically.

"Lord Zuko said the same thing." He didn't, of course, but I guess I can take that for granted by the way he tells those stories over and over whether anyone listens or not.

"I believe so." Katara smiles even more but leans a little closer to me. "How is your husband these days?"

"He's alright. He's actually with Tenzin and Bumi right now, if you want I could go get him."

"No, no. Let the boys have their fun." Katara's words are kind but she's coughing so hard now and it hurts to hear, all I can do is hold her up and rub her back quietly until the cough subsides.

"Gotta get rid of that cough, old lady. How will you heal anyone in that state?" I'm joking again and grinning but she gives me a sad little smile just like Kya did when I arrived.

"We both know I won't be healing anyone again, Korra." Katara sighs and clears her throat slightly before settling back on the pillows. "I don't have much time left."

"Don't say that." I admonish her but inside I'm despairing at her words and grabbing at straws, trying to find anything that will make her live. "You still have to stick around, whose going to deliver my kids when I decide to have them, huh?"

"Oh, Korra." She waves at me playfully. "Kya will handle that better than I could with these gnarly old hands."

"But I don't want Kya, I want to you!" I whine childishly.

"And I want to be with you then but we know I won't." She's patting my hands as if she's comforting me and that just feels wrong because it should be the other way around.

"No. I won't accept that." I refuse to break into tears but my voice is pretty shaky right now and she can tell.

"You know it's the truth, Korra. That's why I called you here today, because I needed to say goodbye and see my little Korra one last time." She reaches up and traces my cheek with those weak warm fingers and I lean into her touch. "Don't cry."

"I'm not crying!" I complain stubbornly but hot salty trickles are already trailing down my cheeks even as I try to dash them away with the back of my hand.

"Korra, please don't weep. It's ok, everything will be alright." Her voice is soft and tender but the more she tells me not to cry the harder I start to hiccup and sob. I had promised myself I wouldn't let her see this, I had sworn I wouldn't break down but here I am blubbering like a baby.

"I…I…I'm s-sorry!" I speak between hiccups as I try to dry the tears with my cobalt coat sleeve.

"It's ok, Korra." She smiles, watching me lovingly.

I keep crying and clinging to her hand until I finally manage to calm my reactions down to sniffles but my eyes are puffy, my throat is constricted and it's taking all my self-control not to crash down further as I look at the sickly face of the woman that meant so much to me.

"I didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry." I take a deep breath trying to keep my voice as steady as possible.

"I know, dear. You just have such a big golden heart." Katara's face crinkles up with a smile again.

"Not as big as yours." I smile, I really don't believe nobody can have a bigger heart than Katara, she's the epitome of compassion, understanding, acceptance and tenderness. I've seen proof of that over all the sixteen years that I've had with her.

"Don't underestimate yourself, Korra. It's against your nature." She chuckles weakly between bits of cough then looks at me with serene eyes. "I wanted to give you a message, a way to say goodbye that you would never forget…"

"Katara, stop. I can't… I'll always remember everything about you, there's no need for this." I know it's rude to interrupt her but I don't think I can handle hearing the rest.

"Korra, please? I wrote it all in song, I just want you to listen while I can still do this." She pleads to me softly and I feel my stubborn resolve not to cry cracking into a million little pieces.

"I can't! Katara… I want to but…I can't do this!" I'm crying again, I know it but the despair, the fear, the guilt and the panic are pushing me to hysteria to the point where I'm almost screaming and don't even care about the tears. "I can't lose you! I can't…I can't let you die! I can't hear you say goodbye! I can't…I can't…!"

"Korra…" Katara seems a little alarmed, worried even and that just makes me feel worse. "Korra, calm down."

"Katara…" I feel weird now, the name slipped out oddly and I'm starting to feel numb and a little disconnected from reality.

"Korra, you shouldn't!" Katara admonishes me but I don't know why, then again she doesn't seem angry, just a little worried.

"Katara…" The voice that left my lips was not my own and I finally figure out what's happening.

My thoughts have dulled somewhat and I can feel the bright white heat flowing in my veins and I know my eyes must be glowing that ghostly cold white. My vision is suddenly sharper, I can see colors around me that I didn't know existed, colors that I have no name for, I can see every edge of every particle of dust in this room; my hearing is acute too, I can almost hear the blood rushing in Katara's veins and the sound of snowflakes falling outside; I can taste everything in this room in the very air I breathe; I can smell even the things that were supposed to be long gone from this house and every nerve in my body, every millimeter of my skin feels so sensitive that the slight tampering in the air would set off my movements… Yes, I know I've entered the Avatar State almost by instinct, even though I've been training to control it for the past three years.

The voice that I spoke in was the voice of many, the voice of all the Avatars, but this time it was different. It was supposed to have my own pitch as the main base while the others resonate with me but this time the main tone wasn't my own, it was softer and distinctly male while my timbre was just another echo. I'm not sure what's happening but I feel like I have been pushed into the back seat of my own body and let someone else the wheel, I suspect I could regain control over myself easily but my numbed feelings don't seem to want that and I sense no threat.

"Aang…?" Katara speaks out in surprise and teary awe.

«Aang?» I ask myself in my mind but I immediately know it's true. «Why have you taken over my body?»

«I didn't, Korra. I am another consciousness but I am still you and you were the one that pulled me out because you can't handle this.» Aang's wise voice speaks in my mind and it just makes sense even if I don't want to believe that.

«So it's my fault you possessed my body?» I sound skeptical even in my own mind.

«I didn't possess you, Korra. You are in control, you are still here, I am merely speaking for you and doing what you cannot…»

«…Saying goodbye.» Both my voice and his finish at the same time and I surrender myself to the cozy detachment of observing myself like an outsider.

"Yes, Katara…And no. I am no longer Aang, I am Korra now, but Aang's memory is what speaks to you my dear one." That voice leaves my lips again and I watch Katara's face pinch into tears as she reaches for me, hugging me to her chest.

"I'm so glad I get to speak to you as well…Just one last time." The old woman in my arms is smiling and weeping and for some reason I see a different kind of beauty in her now, I feel a different kind of emotion for her hidden under the surface of my existence.

"It won't be the last time, sweety. Remember what we told Toph." My voice that is not my own speaks with tender certainty as the hand I can't control cups Katara's wrinkled cheek.

"I remember." She nods sweetly and the tears spill more quietly now that the surprise has faded. "Are you here to hear my message? It was always meant for you as well, it was meant for the soul you and Korra carry."

"Yes, sweety. I will hear it with her until Korra is ready…and then she'll hold your hand and be your little Korra again." I'm not really sure if I will ever be ready but if this Korra/Aang is saying it then it must be what I want deep inside as well.

"Very well." Katara smiles as my thumbs swipe gently at her cheek, wiping away those tears with loving tenderness. "Shall I start?"

"No time like the present." The me who isn't me replies even though I want to shake my head and refuse to hear this and yet… I'm curious, I need to hear what this woman has to say.

Katara leans back and relaxes into her pillows, taking a deep steadying breath and looking into my glowing white eyes with that warm mysterious little smile that I know so well and when her lips part to sing, the voice that leaves her mouth is rough from the cough but still sweet, young, filled with loving emotion and it's oh so familiar that it hurts.

_"The day we met,_

_Frozen I held my breath."_

Curiously she speaks of the exact same reaction I had. When I first saw Katara at the age of four, I was so in awe by the woman and felt so connected that I couldn't even breathe and from what I can tell from Aang's own emotions right now, he probably felt the same way when she extricated him from that iceberg.

_"Right from the start I knew that _

_I'd found the home for my heart…"_

«I felt that too.» I'm not sure if I'm the one thinking this or Aang but it's appropriate either way because it's true. Katara would always hold and protect my heart as my best friend and protector and she would always own Aang's as his wife. The fact that she's singing this to both of us just pierces through my numbness and hurts like a needle to the chest.

_"…beats fast,_

_Colors and promises._

_How to be brave?_

_How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?"_

Once again I don't know if my emotions are mine or Aang's. I remember that as impulsive, stubborn, self-confident and brash I always was, I still always feared I would fail as Avatar, I dreaded that I wouldn't fit in the huge shoes of my predecessors and the promises they made in my name and now I'm also feeling how Aang felt, how he was so terrified of his fate that he ran away for a century but somehow we can both understand that Katara's words are her own, after losing her mother, watching her father leave and break his promises and growing up as a bending secret amid a war it's no wonder she feared to trust and love.

_"But watching you stand alone,_

_All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow."_

I'm moved by her trust and devotion, her admiration is stunning. I know she means Aang when she says this but I also know she means me because when we met she was so distraught and grieving for Aang while trying to spare her grown sons and daughter that she had given up on living…until she found purpose in me. It warms me to know that both our incarnations inspired her so much just as she inspired us with her motherly care, support and strength.

_"One step closer…_

_I have died everyday waiting for you._

_Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you_

_For a thousand years,_

_I'll love you for a thousand more…"_

«She means reincarnation, Korra. She means that she loves us in this life like the one before and the next one too.» Aang's voice speaks in my mind but I was thinking the exact same thing and yet the fact that she seems to express such sorrow for the times she waits for our soul…it makes me feel almost as sad as knowing that this Katara is about to leave me…It makes her promise of eternal love feel futile next to the lonely gaping hole her absence will create in me.

**"Time stands still…**

**Beauty in all she is."**

I'm the one singing now but it's Aang controlling our Avatarian voice as he speaks of…I'm not sure if he is speaking of Katara or if he is speaking of me, of Korra, in order to reassure the old healer.

"**I will be brave,**

**I will not let anything take away**

**What's standing in front of me!"**

Somehow I am now sure it's the both options- he won't let go of his love for her but he is also talking about me and I can almost feel his ethereal eyes on physical body. Then again he has always been my spiritual guide and protector when I needed guidance from my past lives so even though we are the same person I assume his memory and consciousness is telling Katara that he will keep aiding me for her.

**"Every breath,**

**Every hour has come to this."**

I don't understand what he means now even though it's coming out of my mouth. Does he mean her death? No…I think he means this moment when I need strength the most, these minutes when I am so perfectly attuned to the Avatar State, to him and to the ones I love.

**_"One step closer…_**

**_I have died everyday waiting for you._**

**_Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you_**

**_For a thousand years,_**

**_I'll love you for a thousand more."_**

They are singing together now but I want to join in, I'm starting to feel myself again and I'm starting to understand what is happening and what they mean, what I mean with this song, this farewell, this promise.

**_"And all along I believed I would find you,_**

**_Time has brought your heart to me._**

**_I have loved you for a thousand years,_**

**_I'll love you for a thousand more."_**

Yes, time will keep bringing us together, I am sure that is what Katara wanted me to know, she wanted to reassure me that she would reincarnate and meet me again someday. She was trying to make me see the good side in all this and I selfishly shut down.

_"I'll love you for a thousand more!"_

She sings a little sadly this time and traces my cheek but I only half feel it as Aang nods my head and leans into the touch. Some sort of wordless communication, some invisible goodbye, is going on and I know he will fade back into me soon and I will be just Korra again, alone in my own body.

**_"One step closer…"_**

The line slips from my lips but even as Aang sings my voice is already returning to its natural smoky pitch and the acute sharp sensations of the Avatar State seep out of my body like water from a sift, leaving me feeling cold and drained but very much myself again as my cerulean eyes look into Katara's sapphire orbs with love, devotion and, most of all, guilt.

"I'm sorry, Katara." I hold her hand to my chest and lean closer. "I didn't mean to hide like that."

"It's ok…You gave me a beautiful gift." She smiles but her voice is whispered and croaky.

"I understand now." I try to smile even as my eyes burn to cry all over again.

"Did I ever tell you what my friend Toph once asked us?" Katara is speaking weakly and between shaky coughs.

"Depends of what you're referring to. You told me plenty of stories that brightened my childhood, Sifu Katara." I chuckle softly, watching her smile at my words all over again.

"It was something along the lines of… 'Do you think some friendships are strong enough to overcome even death?'" Katara had a dreamy and nostalgic look in her lined eyes as she whispered to me. "I think you should know the answer we gave her."

"What did you say?" I think I know already but I'm hanging on her every word.

"We said yes, absolutely. We said we would be friends even in the next life, all of us." Katara squeezes my hand weakly but gives me a determined look. "That applies to you as well, of course. If you pay close enough attention you will see me again someday in the eyes of someone you'll love."

"I know…" I close my eyes trying to keep the tears at bay but I speak as serenely as I can. "But I'll always remember you like this Katara, you will always be my greatest friend and confidant, you will always be carved into my memory as the master I loved like family. You made me who I am. You know that, right?"

"Thank you, Korra…" She coughs again, whispering even more weakly. "I love you so much, my little one. You became my heart and joy when I was about to surrender to grief."

She breaks out coughing again, her lungs are mostly what is killing her and hearing her wracked with a cough so deep that it makes her spit blood really twists my heart. She seems weaker than ever and I'm amazed how she has changed so much since I walked into this room just minutes ago (was it really so little time ago?); I think now that the important things have been said, her stubborn strength is finally giving out and she doesn't have anything to be strong for anymore, she's ready to rest, she's tied up all the loose ends and she's at peace with herself.

"Rest, Katara. I'll be here by your side." She nods in defeat and I lay next to her and embrace her, holding her to me as I hear her wheezing breath on my chest and hot silent tears start spilling down my face.

I don't know how long I lie there with her, I don't know how long I hold her and cry while feeling her raspy breath become fainter and fainter. After what seems like hours my arms and hip have gone numb and my eyes are practically burning in their sockets now that I've wept myself dry and there's no more tears to spill.

"Ah…" She murmurs into my chest suddenly and softly. "I never got to finish my song…"

"Katara…" Before I can finish my reply I feel more than hear the sigh she lets out and in that precious half-second everything changes.

She's gone. My mentor, my makeshift grandmother, my protector, my friend… Has passed on from this world peacefully, she left so quietly and quickly like a leaf blown away by the wind, if I had not been holding her so close I wouldn't even had noted the way she stopped breathing and her body grew heavy and lifeless as it slowly began to turn cold. For all anyone can tell she could simply be sleeping with that calm expression on her relaxed face and her eyes closed never to open again.

"Katara…" I whisper once more and I'm hiccupping again although I'm crying dryly since there's no more tears left in my eyes. I force myself to smile though and press a kiss to her wrinkled forehead. "Don't make me wait too long."

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

It's a beautiful day in Republic City, the sky is bright blue like my eyes and the brilliant spring sun is generously showing it's face to us after the long months of rain that left behind the fresh smell of wet dirt that mingles with the trees and flowers that grow here on Air Temple Island. It should be a happy day, it's so beautiful after all, but I'm depressed nonetheless.

It's the anniversary of Katara's death and for the first time in these past eight years since she died, I can't go light incense on her grave in the South Pole, I've never missed that ritual before and it makes me feel sad and guilty even as I watch my little son practice his earthbending on the beach just a few yards away from me.

We've been together most of the day, my husband decided I could use the spare time to be with Kano and cheer up since such free days were rare for me with all my Avatar duties and my new Pro-Bending team, plus Tenzin, Pema and their kids are in the South Pole were I should be so the only time my seven year old son and I haven't been alone today was when that cheeky little mute firebender girl was here to play with him in the morning.

I like to see that girl play with my Kano, he's too calm and sweet for his own good and a tough nine year old girl like Pira really can be a good influence despite her cheekiness, bad manners and her constantly dirty bare feet. However, right now this moment should be ours and I'm wasting it drowning in my sorrows like I always do during this day of the year.

«Enough whining, Avatar Korra! Pay attention to your son.» I scold myself internally and turn my attention back to my little one- he's short for his age and almost as dark as me with a mass of coffee colored hair hanging in a ponytail and teal eyes that shine like the gems in the crystal catacombs of Ba Sing Se, I have only been there once but I will forever remember how that stunning glow was the exact same hue as my son's eyes.

He's humming to himself and singing softly in words I can't understand from so far away while he practices the few new forms that Chief Beifong taught him the other day, making the sand shift and pop up in little wonky streams, he seems to have a special talent for sand rather than rock but I'm proud of him and I know someday he will put the ability to good use.

Kano's humming is soothing me a little, he always hums and makes up little tunes when he practices because he seems to have a really hard time keeping focus on anything otherwise. I always encouraged the method though, since he seems to improve a lot whenever we let him do things his own way.

"Mommy?" He runs up to me barefooted in the rolled up Water Tribe slacks and the rumpled green and teal long sleeve tunic that he always wears. He looks puzzled and I know that that pinched expression on his face is exactly how I look when I'm confused.

"What's up, kiddo?" I try to smile but I'm pretty sure I'm failing miserably with how gloomy my mood still is.

"You look sad." He sits next to me on a barnacle-encrusted rock while gazing at me anxiously. I love his voice though, it's sweet with a little stutter from speaking so fast and it's loud too but always so adorable that it makes me want to squeeze him.

"I'm fine, honey. I just miss an old friend very much." I tousle his hair and watch him squirm away from the playful gesture. However, as I speak the words it occurs to me that I now understand what Katara meant by dying every day as she waited for my soul to return since I am currently pained by the same emotion.

"If you miss your friend why don't you go see them?" He's fixing his hair uselessly and looking at me curiously as he asks this.

"I wouldn't know where to find her, Kano. She left for a place far, far, far away before you were even born." I can feel a sting in my eyes but I won't cry, I just regret how Katara never got to meet my son.

"Did she die like granma and granpa?" He blinks innocently while speaking of my husband's parents, he never met them and neither have I since they passed away long ago but I've always known this sweet little boy of mine was way too perceptive, not like me at all, and he's showing it now.

"Yes, honey. She passed on."

"Does that mean she was born again like you were after Avatar Aang died?" He points at the Memorial Island that we can see in the horizon.

"I don't know, maybe she has or maybe she's still waiting. Only the Avatar reincarnates on the same day he or she dies, honey, for other souls it could take months, years, decades or even centuries." I explain these things to him the same way Katara once explained them to me.

"Isn't it boring to wait?" He seems confused by this.

"I wouldn't know, kiddo. I guess for souls and spirits time must be irrelevant since they have all of it." I wrap an arm around his shoulder and pull him closer to me.

"But don't they want to be born again? Can't they just do it? Don't they want to see the people they like again?" He leans onto me letting me hold him.

"I don't think it works that way, Kano." I chuckle softly. "Why are you such a smart little deep thinker?"

"Huh?" He looks at me, having apparently gotten distracted in his own thoughts.

"Never mind, kiddo." I smile weakly again.

"Mommy, I want to see you smile for real." He pouts stubbornly and hugs me tight, settling on my lap. "I don't like this sad you."

"Give me a kiss." I poke at my own cheek demandingly as I hug him back.

"Why?" He looks at me while never letting go and I can feel his warm scrawny little body clinging to my powerful form a little too tightly since he has no idea of his own strength, I don't mind though, it's soothing and endearing so not even the sand stains his feet and hands leave on my indigo clothes bother me at all.

"It's the cure to make me happy. Now do it." I order, still poking my cheek comically but this time he quickly obeys and plants a smooch in my caramel cheek, that simple little bit of affection makes me feel a hundred times lighter and completely loved. "See? That was my medicine, I'm all better now." I smile genuinely and kiss his cheek back with exaggerated enthusiasm until I'm blowing raspberries in his neck and making him laugh, he's just so ticklish.

We play around for a little while and even have a little bending duel until we fall into the sand and roll around trying to tickle each other and after an hour he's long since forgotten my sadness as any happy little boy should, truth be told I feel better too, I rarely get time alone with my son and I didn't really know much I needed it until I had him laughing in the sand next to me. Eventually I let him breathe and I sit up cross-legged on the sand watching him roll around.

"Hey kiddo, show me that move aunty Lin taught you last time." I smile as I watch him perk up and move a few yards away to practice the rumbling foot-stomping move that twists the sand into spirals.

I'm watching him with motherly excitement, wondering when I changed from the brawny, naïve and belligerent Korra into this responsible devoted person. I can almost see how he will be a brilliant bender someday, a prodigy in his own field, and that fills me with so much pride that even my own accomplishments as Avatar pale in comparison. He's humming again now, to a new tune I never heard him use before and as he wills the sand to twist and arch up he starts singing in his childish clumsy half-mumbled voice, though this time I'm close enough to hear the words.

_"I have died everyday waiting for you._

_Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you_

_For a thousand years,_

_I'll love you for a thousand more."_

I'm stunned silent with my throat too dry to articulate even a gasp, feeling like it's filled with the sand that surrounds us and suddenly I'm standing up with statuesque stillness and staring at Kano as the whole world blurs out of focus and all I can hear is my son's voice over the sound of shifting sand and rolling waves while my heart almost stops in my chest and constricts painfully. It can't be…

_"And all along I believed I would find you,_

_Time has brought your heart to me._

_I have loved you for a thousand years,_

_I'll love you for a thousand more…"_

His voice trails off but he continues to hum softly while focusing on his bending with that face that is the spitting image of my own setting itself stubbornly in determined concentration. I know my son hasn't heard this song from anyone, I never revealed the rhythm or the lyrics to anyone because whenever I tried to talk about it my throat would close up and my eyes would sting with tears so the best I could manage was pass on the basic message but now…now I'm hearing the song I haven't heard in eight years and it's spilling perfectly, though hesitantly, from the lips of my seven year old son as if it came from his own little head, as if he's still fine tuning the words in his mind.

"I guess you finally got to finish that song…" I murmur to myself.

The tears are streaming down my cheeks as freely as rain, but there's a true pure smile on my lips as I crumple to my knees and watch Kano rush to me with worry. I hug my poor confused son tighter than I ever did before and I know now I will never grieve for Katara again because her soul has been with me all along just as she promised, I was simply too blinded by sorrow to see it. I guess she was right, our love really will last another thousand years…and a thousand more after that.

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

_(Author's Note: I HAD to get this out of my head. I just had to.)_


	10. Track 10- Hurt

Track 10- Hurt

(Note: Lyrics will be in _italic_.

_~This is dedicated to MongolianTiger. This artist is AMAZING, her LoK work is a huge inspiration and her stories have the most fascinating plot ideas. I felt she deserved a little recognition for the inspiration, fascination and joy her work gives me.~_

Theme: Ten years after the death of the bloodbending brothers, Korra still feels the pain of having lost the two people that she loved so much but betrayed her so deeply. A trip to visit a grave turns into an outpour of emotion and some intense revelations. (Non-Cannon)

Minor Warning: Reference to polygamy.

Song: 'Hurt' by Christina Aguilera)

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

What a dismal autumn day… I guess it's appropriate though, given what I'm here for.

The sky is dark grey and heavy with unshed rain, the humidity that hangs in the air is almost smothering and the wind is so cold that it saws at my bones but I'm used to it. I can handle the cold, in fact I like it, it's familiar and nostalgic, it's this place that I dislike- this stony stretch of beach in the middle of nowhere from which I can barely glimpse at Republic City in the distance as nothing but a mirage so far away.

I sigh heavily and look as the gloomy horizon, watching the greyish green sea stir and froth in gnashing waves against the reefs as I settle sitting on a rock not too far above those violent waters. It's probably almost noon but I can't even see the sun through the dark stormy clouds.

«Why am I even here?» I wonder to myself with yet another melancholic sigh. It's been a little over ten years and yet I still can't get it out of my mind…

The day I heard the United Nations Navy confirming Tarrlok and Amon's death in a catastrophic boat explosion was one of the most stressful days of my life. As if all the trauma and shock of the war hadn't been enough, finding out that the two people I was supposed to hate but really didn't had died nearly sunk me into a kind of depression that I didn't even know was humanly possible, I probably would have broken down if it were not the day that I got yet another piece of life-changing information- the news that I, barely turning eighteen, was pregnant. That news actually came when I nearly had a miscarriage out of sheer shock and the violent reactions I had as General Iroh informed me that the brothers had died, I was in hospital for several days after that and it probably saved me in more ways than one.

Yes, that really had been the most shocking day of my entire life and I took months to recover any semblance of a real smile even if I kept pretending to my friends that I was sane and perfectly alright while the doubt, pain and guilt chewed at my insides.

Nobody really knew the truth, even today they don't know what really happened. Nobody is aware that I started to like, or more accurately love, councilor Tarrlok after Mako rejected me for Asami, nobody knew how he had comforted me during our breaks with the task force and gave me the strength I needed to keep fighting even after I left his team, he admired me despite his greater experience, he worshipped me as Avatar but accepted my flaws and was willing to do anything to pamper and take care of me. Even when we fought and I discovered the truth about him, even when he bloodbent me in a panic and kidnapped me, he still tried to keep me out of harm's way; he was selfish, greedy, haughty, vain and ruthless but he really did love me in his own way and I saw the guilt he felt for hurting me like a stab between the eyes. I admit that I had moments when I despised him and all he was but he had grown on me, he became part of my heart whether I liked it or not and nobody knew, some people might suspect it but nobody was really sure.

Worse than that is the fact that no one ever found out that I have fallen head over heels for another man as well, one whose face I should never even had seen…

Noatak had approached me when I first entered Republic City. I was lost and hungry and he saw something of himself in me, the poor ponytailed Water Tribe immigrant that ran away from home, so he fed me (and Naga) and befriended me, he told me I could come to him for anything and he didn't even know what I was yet. Later when I was in that interrogation room with Beifong I briefly considered asking for his help but Tenzin showed up to save me, it was only much later that I found Noatak again and we became friends… He also helped me when Mako rejected me and when Amon terrified me, he held me in those immense arms and taught what being a woman really meant for the first time. He was also the first person to love me for me, to tell me I was beautiful and strong without referring to my bending or my Avatar status, he was the first one to want me regardless of what I was, in fact he didn't even like talking about my status, he saw only Korra.

I know loving two men might sound strange to other people but I lived isolated and away from anyone but my parents, Katara and the impersonal guards and elders of the Order of White Lotus all my life, I had so much love and passion to give and I had never really had anyone to give it to so when I first discovered the joys of making friends in Republic City and was romantically crushed for the very first time, everything sort of exploded out of me, I no longer knew the proper way to act and I was willing to do anything to feel whole and happy again…Those two each gave me different kinds of love but it was exactly what I needed, I truly did fall in love with them both much more than I can describe…

My heart was big enough for both and Noatak knew that and was willing to share so long as I didn't let go of him, Tarrlok on the other hand was mostly in the dark since he was jealous by nature and Noatak begged me to keep the three-way relationship a secret until after the war was done with, I didn't really know what he meant until it was much too late.

As I look at this gloomy sky Tarrlok comes to mind, I guess I feel guilty for never telling him the truth and right now I can see his face in the horizon as clear as day.

_"Seems like it was yesterday that I saw your face…_

_You told me how proud you were but I walked away."_

I'm talking to myself, or better yet, to Tarrlok now. I can remember it clearly –the way Mako and I found him as a caged wreck of a man, empty of his bending and any hope whatsoever. I recall that I felt pity for him as much as resentment for having kidnapped me and shut me in a metal box but he told me the whole truth and when he told us who Amon was something inside me broke into tiny little pieces and I had to shove my broken heart aside just keep from screaming and sobbing in front of Mako…But Tarrlok knew me well by then, he saw the look in my eyes and he knew, I know he knew…

"Korra… You can defeat him, save him even. You're not a half-baked Avatar, you never were. I'm so proud of you." I remember Tarrlok's words of apology and encouragement as if he had just said them. Yes, he recognized that pain in my eyes because he had felt it too, that's why just before I left to face the monster of my nightmares he told me he was proud of me…

I should have freed him, I should have helped him, I shouldn't have listened to him and left him behind but I still walked away with ice on my veins that time.

_ "If only I knew what I know today…"_

I don't know why I'm talking out loud like this, it's a coping mechanism I adopted when my kids were born and I've clung to it ever since, though right now a sound akin to a howl or keening of pain is sleeping from my throat and I didn't even realize it came from me until it was out.

_"…I would hold you in my arms,_

_I would take the pain away,_

_Thank you for all you've done,_

_Forgive all your mistakes."_

Yes, if I had known that they would die, if only I had known that I would reach Avatar State and learn to restore people's bending, I could have given Tarrlok hope and I could have found a way to change Noatak… I could have healed the pain from their past and present.

I could have forgiven them both so long as they wanted to be forgiven… Especially Tarrlok, if anyone deserved forgiveness for his mistakes towards me it was him, I had deceived him and yet he had still redeemed himself with the truth. Noatak was harder to pardon though, he lied to me and lived a double-life, he terrorized and broke me with a mask only to put the pieces back together with his real self, I know his intentions were noble at first and I still love him but he was my greatest enemy too and yet…

_"There's nothing I wouldn't do to hear your voice again!_

_Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there."_

Noatak's voice had haunted my nightmares, send shivers down my spine and even made me cry in terror as Amon but now I would give everything to hear him just one more time, be it as himself or as my enemy, anything is better than knowing I will never hear him say my name again.

_"I'm sorry for blaming you _

_For everything I just couldn't do…"_

I'm not even sure if I'm apologizing to Tarrlok or Noatak or Amon. I blamed them all for my own ineptitude for a long, long, long time and maybe, in a way, I still do but I want forgiveness, I need it and I would willing to beg on my knees if only I knew that they could hear me.

_"…And I've hurt myself by hurting you."_

This much is true. Losing them created the biggest hole in my heart that will never be filled, hearing of their death created a crack inside me that will never be repaired, lying and cheating on Tarrlok still hurts like a stab in my own back and all this pain that I still feel after more than ten years could have been avoided if I hadn't hurt them, if I hadn't turned my back on Tarrlok and if I had just tried to understand Noatak rather than fight him.

_"Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit._

_Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss."_

I miss them both so much that sometimes, like today, I hide away in this wretched land of nobody just try to put my heart back together while I talk to them, to nobody, to their memories… I hope they can see that from wherever they are, I hope they know how much I loved them.

_"And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this…"_

That weird and shameful howling of pure pain and sorrow is spilling out from me again because even after a decade I still can't say goodbye, I still can't come to terms with their death.

_"Would tell me I was wrong? _

_Would you help me understand?"_

I wish I could ask those things to Noatak now, hell, I wish I could hear Amon preaching to me again about his warped beliefs just so I could try to somehow understand him and find some way to compromise… I want to go back, I want a do-over, I want to turn back time!

_"Are you looking down upon me?_

_Are you proud of who I am?"_

These questions are for Tarrlok too. Does he know I was sleeping Noatak when I wasn't in his arms? Would he forgive me? I know he loved his brother as much as I did after all…despite the years apart, that much was obvious by the way he spoke of Noatak and even defended the elder brother's beliefs even after those very ethics took away his bending and his will to live…

And does Tarrlok see the formidable Avatar that I have become? Would he be proud like he said that one time? I really hope he's watching over me somewhere, I truly do.

_"There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance_

_To look into your eyes and see you looking back!"_

Spirits, that is the utmost truth. That is the one thing I tell myself every single day- I would give anything, even my title as Avatar, I would do anything for one more chance! I just want to see them alive and looking at me, saying my name, holding me! Hell, even if they hated me I just want to be able to see them again for real instead of just coming here to look at the damn improvised grave I earthbent years ago when Iroh told me this was where the wreckage washed ashore.

_"I'm sorry for blaming you _

_For everything I just couldn't do…_

_And I've hurt myself…Oh…"_

I can't even finish my words because I'm crying and sobbing so hard with my knees pulled up to my chest and my head buried in them as I hug my legs. Even like that, even with the wind and waves deafening me and my eyes pressed to my knees, I can still hear their voices and see their faces sharply behind my closed lids.

_"If I had just one more day_

_I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away!"_

I'm screaming my words to the sky now with my hands clawing desperately into my own clothes, hoping they can hear me from wherever their souls are… And if they by chance reincarnated, then I hope my words reach their memory or their hearts, anything so long as they know how much I've missed them.

_"Oh! It's dangerous…_

_It's so out of line to try to turn back…time."_

This is the truth I have to tell myself every day, this is what I have to remind myself of every morning when I wake up and every night when I go to sleep just to keep me from wasting my life looking for them or trying to find some Avatarian way to reach them.

_"I'm sorry for blaming you _

_For everything I just couldn't do._

_And I've hurt myself…_

_By hurting you…"_

I think I yelled out all of my rage, agony and denial by now since my words are coming out in melancholic hiccups into my knees again. This is one of the reasons I come here so often even though I hate the place- it feels close to them and it's secluded enough that I can break down without feeling humiliated or letting anyone find me and see how distraught I still am after more than a decade.

I'm pathetic. I'm weak. I may have become a tremendous Avatar but it feels like smoke and mirrors, beneath it all I'm not wise or strong or powerful or balanced as I should be, I'm a wreck of a person that clings on to an insane love for old enemies even though I have so much more healthier affections in my current life.

"Korra?" A hand falls on my shoulder softly but it startles me nonetheless, I jump and nearly fall off my rock and into the water, barely managing to avoid it by landing painfully on the gritty wet rocks on my side, accidently skinning my palms on the rough surface.

"What the…?" I look up at the person who found me and I quickly have to dash away my tears when I see that it's Mako. He's seen me cry in the past but I still feel uncomfortable to be found like this and even if I manage to wipe away all the tears, he can probably still see how puffy my eyes are and how red and miserable my face seems.

Mako is older now, of course, and even more handsome than when we met, sometimes I wish I had stayed with him. After I went into Avatar state for the first time he kissed me and I kissed back because I was still so confused about Noatak and Tarrlok's betrayal, so elated to have reached a spiritual breakthrough that gave me back my bending, I was still mildly infatuated with him and in such deep need of his comfort so I gave in; we even had a brief relationship after that but it didn't last, I was still pining for someone else (two someone's actually) and it turned out I was pregnant so we resigned ourselves to put the confusion of our past behind us and stay friends. It was a mad stroke of luck and mercy that Asami forgave us both too and we are still all best friends even after all these years.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I snap at him. I'm mad because I didn't want to be found and I'm defensive because I hate that he caught me by surprise and saw me cry.

"The little rascals were worried and followed you. I couldn't stop them so I just tagged along to keep an eye on them." The firebender shrugs apologetically and points behind his back where two figures I hadn't noticed yet are standing several yards away looking fearful and a little panicked.

"Oh…" I don't really know what to say. How much of my lousy display did they witness? This must be horrible for them, they never saw me cry, they never knew I could hold such agony inside me, no wonder they look terrified.

"Are you ok?" Mako bends down to my level since I haven't gotten up yet. He looks worried and a little disturbed given that he's been working with the police for years so he probably knows what this place is.

"I'm fine." I reply automatically but then think better of it. "Actually no, I'm not. I'm a mess but I'll be ok." I accept his waiting hand and get up, dusting myself off in the process even though there are only splashes of salt water on my clothes.

"Want me to take them home so you can be alone? Bo can babysit them." Mako offers kindly and the prospect letting Bolin cheer my kids up with his antics sounds deeply tempting right now but I know I really can't avoid this forever. Sooner or later my boys will have to know the truth.

"No, I want them to stay." I take a deep breath and force a sad smile for Mako. "You can go home, I need some time with them."

"Alright." The firebender agrees with an attentive and suspicious nod. "Call me later?"

"Sure. Heck, call Bo, 'Sami and my cousins and we can have a group dinner." I try to sound cheerful and it appears to work since Mako brightens up and lets go of my hand at last.

"Sounds fun. Ok, will do. See you later, Korra." He pats my shoulder, lingering a little for moral support, then turns, walks down the stony beach and bends down to say goodbye to the boys before he sets off in the little police motorboat that brought him here in the first place.

The two identical ten year old boys are still staring at me at a distance. They seem scared and they are holding hands, fingers laced together and gripping for dear life as they watch me, both of them looking on the verge of panicked tears. I never thought that finding me like this would drive them to such a reaction; maybe I shouldn't have raised them acting like an all-powerful, unbeatable, always cheerful Avatar who just happens to be super caring but permissive single mom, maybe I should have let them see that I'm human too and that I have weaknesses but I never did, even when I came home injured and let them bandage me up I still acted all tough and proud and never showed any vulnerabilities. Now, for the first time I can really, truly, see the worry in their young pale icy blue eyes and it nearly makes me break down crying again.

"Tarrlok! Noatak! Come here!" I call out to them loudly, waving invitingly.

In retrospective, maybe I shouldn't have named the twins after my lovers, I don't mind what anyone else thinks about that, I don't care if they speculate but I guess that maybe my son's names are too strong a reminder, maybe that's why I just can't stop remembering their namesakes… No, I know that's a lie, even if I had chosen different names I would still be here crying over my lovers, besides I wanted to honor the two men I loved the most somehow and this seemed appropriate and I feel closer to them this way. Not to mention that one of those men fathered these boys, I don't really know which one and I don't really care- I always saw them both as the fathers of my twins so the boys deserve some connection to their fathers.

"Mommy, are you ok?" One of the boys asks me as they both move tentatively closer on the rocks. It's the firstborn Tarrlok, I'm sure of it because even though they are identical with the dark cinnamon skin they got from me, the icy eyes they inherited from their fathers and even the matching dark clothes that Asami gave them, they still have some distinguishable features. Namely, Tarrlok wears his hair in a braid and calls me mommy while Noatak wears ponytails like mine and finds the idea ten year old boys calling the Avatar 'mommy' to be very embarrassing.

"I'm fine, Lokki." I crouch and open my arms for him to hug me and he rushes right into my arms, embracing my so tightly that I once again nearly fall into the water.

"Mom, why were you crying?" Noatak is asking me now, still standing a bit farther away and eyeing me with that shrewd overprotective gaze that he hides behind a pout.

"It's a long story, Noa." I try to smile reassuringly but it comes out sad and tears well in my eyes again. "Come hug me too, ok?"

Noatak moves closer and hugs me more carefully but just as tight as his brother. Tarrlok has always been the overly affectionate, playful, naïve and shy one even though he's older by half an hour, he's also ambitious, though a little clumsy. Noatak on the other hand, is sharp, hardworking, caring and very overprotective of me and Tarrlok while also being deeply fair and brutally honest. I always wondered if the names I gave them has shaped these boys' personalities into what they are and sometimes I fear that I'm cursing them to the same fate as their fathers by naming them like this but then I remember that they have me for a mother, then I recall that they are my life and that I loved their namesakes more than the Avatar should and all those doubts wash away as if taken by the tide.

I sit back on the rocky ground again with both boys huddled between my legs so we can share warmth against the sharp wind. They seem happy to be in my arms but they are still watching my reddened eyes with sobriety and worry.

"Is this were you come to every month?" Noatak questions me tentatively while Tarrlok rushes to bend some sea water unto his hands until it glows so he can attempt to heal the scrapes in my palms. Tarrlok always showed some talent for healing so I've been teaching him for a couple of years now, Noatak on the other hand fails terribly at healing but has shown remarkable skill in all his other bending training. From time to time I wonder whether I should tell them about the unique bloodbending skill that probably runs in their veins but then I think better of it and keep my mouth shut.

"Yeah, Noa. I come here a lot." I hold out my hands for Tarrlok to heal the minor scrapes as I smile tiredly at Noatak.

"Do you cry every time or just today?" Ah, this boy's sharpness never ceases to amaze me, but I like that snappy streak of his, it's endearing.

"Almost every time, sweetie." I try to reply casually but it's hard.

"Why?" Tarrlok looks on the verge of tears again but my hands are healed, he always cried easily but I know it's not weakness, he's just very open with his emotions, kind of like me. Noatak is different though, he's more mysterious and reserved even though he clings to his brother a lot but right now he also seems to be hiding his own need to cry under a disapproving scowl and that's why I realize that my tears must really have shocked them very deeply if even my little Noa wants to cry for me.

"Boys, I want to tell you a story. It's a long, complicated and sad story though so you'll have to be brave and pay attention, ok?" I lean closer to them and watch them as they exchange looks and nod.

"What story?" Noatak asks curiously.

"The story of two brothers called Noatak and Tarrlok."

"Us?" Tarrlok looks adorably lost.

"No, Lokki." I smile genuinely for the first time today but I feel my insides twist as I prepare to tell them the truth. "They weren't twins, Noatak was three years older actually."

"Are they the people we were named after?" Noatak deduces while avoiding my gaze. "Aunt Lin says you fought them, she says they were bad criminals."

"Yes, they made mistakes but they weren't bad people." I reply with patience but make a mental note to snap at Beifong next time I see her.

"So what about them?" Tarrlok seems intensely curious now. "Are they in jail?"

"No. They…" I can't bear to look at the boys as I swallow the lump in my throat and my eyes sting with a new torrent of tears so my gaze drifts down to the weathered stone grave marker on the beach. "They died before you were born."

"Why are you crying again?" Noatak is watching me sharply and just as stressed out as his twin.

"Because I miss them too much, Noa."

"Who were they?" Noatak presses the matter as both boys wrap their arms comfortingly around me.

"They were your fathers."

This was how for the first time in ten years I spoke of the men I love, this was how I told my sons about the two men that I would always see as their fathers, this was how I opened up for the first time and revealed the true story of a rowdy girl who became a true Avatar, a radical revolutionary turned terrorist and villainous councilman turned repentant wreck. It was my story, the part that nobody knew, the part that gave birth to the two little miracles I hold in my arms as well as all the hurt I will always hold deep inside.


	11. Track 11- What Have You Done

Track 11- What Have You Done

(Note: Amon's lyrics will be in **bold** and Korra's will be _italicized_. Any lyrics spoken together will be in **_italic bold_**.

I was going to keep this short and as tragic as 'Track 6' but I couldn't bear doing that again so I dragged the ending on a bit and softened it. Maybe I'll reconsider later.

_~This is dedicated to Lantur. I'm not even sure if she ships Amon x Korra since it's her Korra x Tarrlok work that I love so much and that inspired me like mad but I hope she likes it anyway since she deserves all the recognition possible. If you haven't read her fic 'Strings' yet, then you are missing out, she's one of the most amazing writers whose work I ever had the pleasure to read, everything she writes is compelling, intense, realistic, well-developed and addicting.~_

Theme: Korra discovers that Amon is the person she had grown to love the most but that doesn't change the final battle that they must engage in, the war is bigger than their feelings and the cursed lovers will have to fight whether they like it or not. (Non-Cannon)

Song: "What Have You Done" by Within Temptation ft. Keith Caputo)

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

Never once did I expect it to end like this. Never, in my most horrid nightmares, did I imagine that things would turn out this way…

I was determined to take down Amon and I still am, even after Tarrlok told us the whole truth and I felt my heart shatter like glass when he revealed that my worst enemy was the man that I love. Knowing that Amon is Noatak doesn't change anything, it doesn't change what I need to do but at the same time it changes everything because despite all the rage and betrayal that I feel, I still love him.

I met Noatak shortly after arriving in Republic City, he saw me struggling in the strange surroundings and helped out, he was kind and aided me even without knowing who I truly was, apparently I reminded him of himself when he was a young Water Tribe runaway himself. Noatak fed Naga and me when we penniless and hungry and he showed me around the city, after that I even heard that he tried to get me out of prison when the metalbenders arrested me but Tenzin got there before he could, still, the gesture stuck with me and I never once forgot it.

We met often and became friends even before I met the Fireferrets and by then he had to know who I was but it didn't seem to matter to him, he treated me like a normal person and didn't even like to talk about anything regarding me being the Avatar, he said he liked Korra, not Avatar Korra, he said I was beautiful, strong and perfect and that I didn't need to be an all-powerful bender to impress him. I should have known something was strange from the moment I saw him defending Amon's ideology and trying to deny what I was but I didn't care, I liked how he liked me for me and respected me as a human and not a powerful Avatar.

He was older and caring with a strong sense of justice, I liked that too but I always tried not to feel attracted to that handsome older man because…well, because he was a much older man. And yet when my other attempt at romance was squashed, when my crush on Mako was rebuffed, Noatak was the one who held me and wiped away my tears so I couldn't help but to start having deeper feelings for him and he reciprocated those feelings with plenty enthusiasm, in fact I soon discovered he had a darker domineering streak but I found that exciting and learned to enjoy the new side of him and soon I was head over heels, falling so hard for him that I gave him everything and he taught me things I had never experienced before, lewd things that still make me blush when I think about them.

Noatak was also one of the people that comforted me and pulled me back together when Amon terrorized me, he showered me with affection and held me close when the masked man haunted my nightmares and taught me the meaning of fear for the first time in my entire life. Now I see the hypocrisy of it and I can't tell if he was using me or if he really felt bad for his psychological torture and tried to make up for Amon as Noatak.

I don't have time to think about any of those things now though, I have to fight him, I know that but here I am cowering under gym equipment and afraid that he'll catch me in that bloodbending grip of his. I can feel the sweat drip down my temple as I hear his soft footsteps padding into this disused section of the arena's gym. I just unmasked him in public but he had anticipated me and wore fake scars, I managed to save the airbenders whose escape Mako is currently aiding but I had to run from the hundreds of well-trained chi-blockers and Amon is determined to chase me down. I fear that without witnesses around he won't hesitate to bloodbend me, however, I isolated myself willingly because I also hope that if there are no equalists around he will let himself be Noatak, at least long enough for me to reason with him.

I hear his steps halt and my heart is speeding like a satomobile and drumming against my ribs so hard that I'm afraid he'll hear it. Everything is silent and I wonder if he gave up, if he'll leave now because I'm too much of a coward to attack him alone.

Suddenly everything changes and I'm a world of pain. I'm screaming as my body slides from its hiding place and hangs in the air like a gruesome puppet; by instinct I try to fight the abrupt grip that is tugging at my veins as if they were perverse strings of a marionette but all I manage is to make the pain worse as my body seizes and contorts in an agony so intense that I can't even find words to describe it. I can hear the disgusting wet rushing sound as my blood is bent in my strained vessels, Amon is intimately manipulating my body from the inside out and I feel like all my veins and arteries are about to get ripped straight out of my body with brutal force, every organ feels pressured from head to toe and my fear and panic are so overwhelming and palpable that I'm sure he can taste it.

**"Would you mind if I hurt you?**

**Understand that I need to.**

**Wish that I had other choices**

**Than to hurt the one I love…"**

His words rattle in my brain with a unique mix of dark cruelty and sorrowful guilt. The sound of his voice twists my insides almost as much as the his powerful bending grip and I scream in agony again as tears that I never intended to shed start to cut down my cheeks but even those he bends away abruptly.

In an instant the bloodbending stops and I collapse onto the floor, panting for air and shaking so hard that neither my legs nor my arms can handle my weight and support me on this dusty floor.

**"What have you done now?"**

Amon is staring at his own hands and I can tell that he's talking to himself and with plenty of horror in his voice.

I take advantage of his sudden shock and force myself to stand, I also force the rage and adrenaline to course through my body because if I don't the fear and pain with consume me and paralyze me completely. I stare at the masked man in front of me, he hasn't regained his composure yet, still looking at his own hands as he couldn't believe what he had just done and a stab of regret slices through me but I can't hesitate anymore, he is the enemy, he is a monster and he just bloodbent me which is a capital offense.

_"I know I better stop trying._

_You know that there's no denying,_

_I won't show mercy on you now."_

I try to keep my voice steady and as aggressive as it always is towards Amon but my words bring him back to reality and he faces me once more with that infuriating mask shielding the face I loved so much and allowing only the coldness of his piercing eyes to shine through.

**"I know I should stop believing.**

**I know that there's no retrieving…"**

He answers me with sorrow as much as much as cold determination and I just want to lash out at him and fight to get all this over with.

_"It's over now!_

_What have you done?!"_

I have never been the charismatic one in our relationship, that's Noatak's, or should I say Amon's, thing, so these are the best terms I can put our situation in- it's over, we can't be lovers anymore. What have you done to us? Why did you have to be my enemy? My nightmare?

**"What have you done now?"**

He murmurs the question to himself again, it appears that my furious words have shocked him and I see an opening. I attempt to trap his legs with earthbending so I can attack with firebending while he's still dazed, but he dodges both assaults with his usual elegance and I find myself trapped in that hateful grip again, paralyzed on the spot but no longer hanging with my full body weight suspended on my veins.

**"I have been waiting for someone like you!**

**But now you are slipping away…**

**Why? Why does fate make us suffer?"**

He's standing right over me and screaming the words, I have never seen him lose his self-control like this and it's terrifying, there's so much hate and sorrow in his words that I feel the tears in eyes again of pain as well as empathetic agony. I know exactly how he's feeling, it doesn't make the torture any better but I know and it tears at my heart as much as it tears at his.

_"There's a curse between us,_

_Between me and you."_

I give him the best reply I can without screaming and sobbing as his horrifying skill keeps my seizing body trapped in place.

I truly do understand how he feels right now, I can tell by his loss of control that he wasn't using me, he really loves me maybe even more than I love him but we can't stop now, this war is bigger than our feelings, we are both fighting for what we feel is right and thousands of people are depending on us so our emotions really mean nothing in face of the battle that has to happen.

I'm frozen just an inch or two from his body… If only I could bend psychically like he does, this would be over in a flash but I can't and to be honest I'm not sure I'd want to if I could, I know it is my duty to fight but how can I possibly strike the man I love? Especially when I know that he is not truly evil, I know that he's fighting for what he sees as a greater good and I feel pity for his heartbreaking path, so how can I possibly defeat him even if I wasn't currently trapped by his horrible power?

**"What have you done? **

**What have you done? **

**What have you done? **

**What have you done? **

**What have you done now? "**

He's stumbling back, apparently fighting with himself and he clutches at the mask in desperation and flings it off as if it were controlling his mind. Oh, if only that were true! If only ending this were as easy are breaking that despicable mask!

I watch him claw at his face in despair until the fake scars have blurred and as he screams that question over and over to himself I feel the bloodbending loosen more and more until I can fight it, until I can move again. He notices me as I snap free of his psychic hold and lunge for him, punching him back with a rock encased fist and straddling his body like I did many times before, except this time it's to punch him down as I scream in despair just as much as he does.

_"What have you done? _

_What have you done? _

_What have you done? _

_What have you done? _

_What have you done now?"_

At last, when I manage to blindfold him with rock, knowing it will make his psychic bloodbending harder, I stand up over him, bending water from the training barrels in the gym until my fingers are capped with sharp ice claws. He's not even struggling, just panting as much as me and coughing out blood as he lies there motionless in the stony shackles I bent for him.

_"Would you mind if I killed you?_

_Would you mind if I tried to?_

My words slip out with a mix of cold disdain as much as utter sorrow and I know that this is what he felt when he held me in that grip. This agony that tears my heart as I hold the ice claws above his throat makes me feel as if I'm killing myself along with him.

_"'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy!_

_You carry hate that I don't feel!"_

I scream, or better yet sob, the words and back away, leaving only bloody pin-pricks on his neck. I can't do it. Not like this. Not in cold blood. Self-defense is one thing but I can't execute my lover when he doesn't even put up a fight.

**"It's over now.**

**What have you done?"**

He mimics my words but there is danger in those words as he feels me loosen the rocky hold on him until he can stand again and stare at me.

**"What have you done now?"**

This time the question is directed at me and he doesn't have to explain for me to get it- by sparing him I have just jabbed a sleeping moose-lion and opened its cage. By missing my chance during his moment of insanity I just signed my death sentence because we both know that he can take me out even if it tears him apart and the fact that hesitated and let him go shows all the weakness that Amon despised in the Avatar.

_"I have been waiting for someone like you!_

_But now you are slipping away…_

_Why? Why does fate make us suffer?"_

I only realize that I'm mirroring his words after they have slipped out, I guess my confused mind is grasping at the first thing that makes sense as I scream in despair right in his face but every single word is the horribly painful truth. I take on a waterbending stance, challenging him to a duel even as my tears stream freely down my face.

**"There's a curse between us.**

**Between me and you**."

He answers with my own reply and his voice sounds steady again, almost resigned as he opts to bend the water from the training barrels just like I do. Apparently we will do this the hard way, no bloodbending to ensure a fast victory and no Avatar cheats for a mercifully fast kill.

**_"What have you done? _**

**_What have you done? _**

**_What have you done? _**

**_What have you done? _**

_What have you done now?_

**_What have you done? _**

**_What have you done? _**

**_What have you done? _**

**_What have you done? _**

**What have you done now?"**

We are screaming together, both in accusation and challenge as well as rage towards ourselves as we deliver each destructive blow.

His water-whips nearly decapitate me. My ice darts, a trick I stole from Tarrlok, manage to slash at him repeatedly but he avoids any true harm with speedy grace and comes way to close. His abrupt water blast encapsulates my head completely and has me drowning before I can force myself to bend the liquid away so my lungs can inflate with air again before I use that very water to shield me in ice as he mimics my dart attack. I then move with all the speed I can muster and I try a close up ice punch but he bends frost onto the ground and I slip and crash spectacularly. He tries to chi-block me in those moments that I am down but I roll out of the way and blast water towards his face, freezing it around his head and making him fall too before he recovers from the shock and bends the ice away to breathe.

_«What have you done?»_

I murmur the words to myself as sweat starts beading on my skin again and the fight drags on. I think that if we don't solve this fast I'll go completely crazy, I'll become the first Avatar to be known as a crazy lunatic because I'll go insane.

_«What have you done?»_

The question whispers in my brain as try a water whip of my own and manage to slash at his shoulder with some severity. What have I done indeed? Couldn't I have avoided all this? Why am I destroying the man I love for trying to make the world a better place?

_«What have you done?»_

The words echo inside me again as I feel an ice spike spear though my left side causing warm globs of blood to spill out and stain my blue clothing in a hue of purplish red so dark that it's almost black. The pain makes me cringe and hiss but after being bloodbent it's nothing and I have so much adrenaline pumping in me that it doesn't stop me in the least even if it snaps my thoughts back into reality- what was I thinking? Was I actually starting to side with him?

_"What have you done?"_

I'm hissing out the words painfully as another ice spike that I fail to dodge pieces though my right shoulder. I'm angry again because I feel like he's been worming his way into my mind and making me hesitate and I'm pissed off because I don't want to feel weak, I don't want to waver in my decision even if it means killing him.

Noatak stares at me, still in fighting stance and moves one hand too fast for me to dodge causing a third spike to stab into my right thigh, I screw my face with pain and breathe in panted gasps and I notice him watching me and grudgingly eyeing the blood that rapidly stains my clothes as I fight to stay upright and in bending form against the agony. He doesn't attack, he just eyes me quietly with pained determination sculpting his handsome face that the water has washed clean, it seems he's waiting for me to collapse, he thinks I can't take this or maybe he's hoping I'll waver and surrender to him.

_"I will not fall…_

_Won't let it go!"_

I snap out the words between hisses of pain, I mean them both literally and figuratively, I'm not going down just yet and I'll be damned if I ever surrender. I blast as much spiked water at him as I can just to buy a few precious seconds to use firebending to cauterize my wounds before I bleed to death.

**"We will be free… when it ends."**

His reply is deeply saddened yet it's also like the poisonous bite of a viper-bat as he dodges my attack but he's not unharmed, he's still coughing out blood from my earlier rock assault and several of my small water needles have pierced though him but none of the wounds seems fatal just yet and his dark clothes don't really allow me to measure how badly he's bleeding.

He lunges to me and I kick him in the chest before he can chi-block me. He gasps out in pain but grabs my leg and flings me across the room, I barely have time to react and soften the move before I crash into boxes of earthbending rock discs and I can feel a few of my ribs crack on impact.

I still stand up again, wheezing for air as sweat and blood my stain my clothes. He'll win if I just waterbend, that much I know, he has decades of practice over me and he was trained by the most ruthless and cruel man ever. I know I can't defeat him this way so it's time to cheat as much as it pains me.

I bend the very rock discs I crashed in before he can figure out what I'm doing, he probably thought I had too much naïve integrity to suddenly cheat on our silent agreement to just waterbend so he takes a disc to the head before he can dodge the others. The impact is audible even from the other side of the room and I watch blood pour down his forehead to blind his left eye as he regains his posture and dizzyingly dodges the other discs.

I take advantage of his discomfort and muddled perception to lunge for him again even if my chest feels like it's ripping open with pain and I manage to land another earthbending blow to his back before I firebend a kick into his chest, burning through the clothes and melting his skin with an agonizing hiss as he falls.

I straddle him again, looking into his pale eyes. His face is screwed with pain and I know it's keeping him from concentrating enough to use psychic bending so I raise my hand, covering them in ice again and prepare myself to win this battle.

_"I have been waiting for someone like you!_

_But now you are slipping away._

_Why? Why does fate make us suffer?_

_There's a curse between us_

_Between me and you…"_

In these moments of battle these words have become my truth but I mean every single one of them. I always wanted a love like the one he gave me even if it was a pretty lie and I hate to see my Noatak slip into the darkness like this. I hate Fate for making us suffer, for making me into the Avatar and for making Noatak into Amon but nothing short of death can end our curse and the only reason why I'm repeating this instead of striking him is because I still hold a stupid shard of hope that he'll surrender… Or maybe I just want him to turn the tides and escape the battle before we kill each other.

Suddenly he proves my warrior's assessment wrong and I feel the ice I had been bending, melting into water and slip from my grip as my entire body starts to spasm and freeze up again with bloodbending. Some invisible force flings away so hard that all the air is knocked out of me as he crawls up to me, kneeling over my twitching body and pulling me to kneel up as well like some perverse puppeteer.

**"I have been waiting for someone like you!**

**But now you are slipping away.**

**Why? Why does fate make us suffer?**

**There's a curse between us,**

**Between me and you!"**

He spits the words right back at me and reaches for my forehead. It takes me a few seconds but I realize that he doesn't want to kill me anymore as he should if he ever wants to keep the equalists on his side since I will never stop trying to unmask him, instead he's going to take my bending, he's going to take the thing that makes me who I am and that will probably make me wish I was dead but at least I'll be alive and I suppose that that is his version of mercy.

It's over before I can ever catch a single breath, I can't even scream or beg but I can feel my bending being blocked as if he was ripping out a part of my soul from inside my body and even though it's not quite physically painful, it's the worse sensation I have ever felt in my entire life.

When Noatak releases his bloodbending I collapse with a heavy thud. Everything hurts and I can barely breathe but the sensation of loss is so intense that I don't even care, he could very well kill me and I wouldn't even flinch, I'd welcome it.

"You should have killed me when you had the chance, Korra." He whispers the words in my ear and see that he's curling up on himself and falling next to me even as he speaks. He's choking on blood now and I can see his tan skin turn ashy as he bleeds out internally.

"Is…" I cough out and it splatters blood all over the floor, my broken ribs must have punctured a lung. "Is this…how it ends…?"

"Ah…" Noatak rolls onto his back, face twisted in obvious agony. "No…You'll live without your bending, I'll be a martyr for my cause."

"Noatak… I can't live like this." I grope weakly for his hand and squeeze it with what strength I can muster. I don't just mean that I can't live without my bending, I mean that I can't live with the knowledge that I killed him.

"Korra…" Noatak is interrupted by the deafening sound of the door being slammed open and we both force our exhausted bodies to react as we look towards the entrance, noting how we destroyed the gym and reduced it to a warzone.

"Amon!" The mustached lieutenant rushes forward as he spots us and a small group of equalists follow in his wake and crouch down to examine the injured leader.

"He's alive but only just barely." A female chi-blocker looks up at the lieutenant whose face has hardened at the sight of the fallen leader.

"The scars are fake!" Another equalist barks out, pointing at Noatak' face and taking in his features. "And he really is Water Tribe!"

"…" The lieutenant hesitates, looking torn between loyalty and suspicion. "Will he live?"

"…Not likely." The female chi-blocker replies with grief as she examines the silent Amon and the confirmation twists my heart horribly even though I thought I couldn't feel any more pain.

"I see." The lieutenant moves over me, standing above my crumpled broken body. "You did this to him, bender scum! Does your tyranny know no boundaries?!" The mustached man grabs his kali sticks, electrifying them in the process and preparing to strike me in fury, a strike which can either render me unconscious or, given my current injuries, can most likely kill me.

The lieutenant stops with his weapons an inch from my body. He's gasping and shaking and his rubbery arms fling the kali sticks away as he begins to hover and contort in the air in obvious agony, that's when everyone notices Amon's raised hand just before he claws his fingers making the lieutenant scream as his body rebels against him.

"I wouldn't do that, lieutenant. The Avatar has been equalized, she is not a threat to you…not as much as I will be if you harm her…" The menace is empty of any really meaning since Noatak is so weakened but I can tell that he can't just watch me get killed when I'm this defenseless and harmless, especially not because of him. He doesn't even care that he's revealing his bending anymore, in fact that is just a way to ensure that they'll turn their rage onto him rather than me so he waves his hand and flings the lieutenant away as hard as he can before his panting body gives out and refuses to obey his commands anymore. What he has just done touches some deep numb part of me, I didn't even know I could read him so well but I'm sure that he still loves me which only makes all this a million times harder.

"The Avatar was telling the truth! He's a bloodbender!" All the equalists abruptly back away from Amon, each of them falling into fighting stance as a panting lieutenant rises shakily to his feet from a pile of toppled wood staffs.

"Traitor! I dedicated my life to you!" The lieutenant barks out angrily, ripping off his headgear and trying to compose himself from the pain as all the other equalists hiss in agreement.

Noatak doesn't even reply, from what I can tell he's just glad they aren't focusing on me anymore and I'm just shocked and watching the scene with morbid fascination and terror, unable to really process what is going on in my current state of mind, all I know is that I feel empty, broken, in pain and exhausted but I also know that Noatak just saved me and sacrificed years of work and the trust of his closest followers on a momentary impulse to rescue me.

The lieutenant moves slowly and grabs his kali sticks again, probably expecting to get bloodbent again though he can see that Amon no longer has the strength for it. The mustached man leans over his former leader with the electrical batons sparking in his hands and rage etched in his face.

"You're no better than them." The lieutenant spits on Amon, he raises his weapons to strike and everybody knows that when he's done the man of the mask will be dead but Noatak doesn't even flinch, he just looks up at the angry blue eyes of his second in command and waits for the freedom of death.

"NO!" The scream echoes so loudly in the destroyed gym that the equalists jump in fright and turn towards me, I guess that means I'm the one who screamed but what they see seems to makes their blood run cold and it takes me several seconds to understand why.

I don't feel the pain anymore, in fact I'm standing tall and straight again but everything feels…different. I can see everything so sharply- every branch of the sparks of the kali sticks and equalist gloves, every speck of dust in the air, every exhaled breath, even colors that I didn't know existed and have no name for seem to be visible to me. I can smell everything sharply too- sweat, blood, tears, water, dirt, electricity, burned flesh, dust, every single scent in the room is easily picked up. I can almost taste fear, surprise, rage, shock and pain in the air just as much as the salty taste of perspiration and the metallic tang of blood that slips in my mouth. I can hear the racing heartbeats of everyone in the room and even the steps of every single person still in the arena, even the waves of the sea outside and the scared scuttling of tiny animals. And I feel… I feel as if bright energy is flowing through me, sizzling on my skin and boiling in my veins, I feel as if I could turn this building to dust, lift the entire ocean, freeze the air and reach into the sky to crush the sun between my hands with my power and it's as if time is moving slower around me with the stunned eyes of all the others staring at me in complete awe.

They appear slowly, fading in from nowhere and surrounding me invisibly, I automatically recognize them all- my past lives are here to finally give me a hand now that I am at my lowest most desperate point. I instinctively know that my eyes are glowing ghostly white and in a flash all elements are reacting to me- rock crumbles into rubble and spins around me, air blasts around me to knock the equalists aside, fire roars to life and lashes out like a living thing around my body and walls of water surround me in dancing ripples, locking all my now unconscious enemies in ice.

"This is not how it ends." My voice is steady but it's not really my own, it's the voice of all the Avatar's speaking through me. "Not yet."

I bend down over Noatak automatically; I'm not sure what I'm feeling through the haze of primal rage and protective instinct but my body moves on its own accord and a mass of rippling water begins to glow so brightly that it's almost blinding before I bend it over Noatak, watching him struggle and gasp as his body is forced to heal and Death is shoved aside. He's staring into my unblinking eyes and for some reason that touches my numbed emotions and pierces the aura of power exuding around me and yet I can see that my power is touching something in him as well though I don't know what but he seems... enlightened somehow.

When at last the glow fades and the water crashes on him, my body gives out and collapses. The Avatar State leaves me even faster than it came but as I lie panting on floor, feeling tired but physically better now that my bending is back and proud of my accomplishment I can't help but look at Noatak in complete terror, wondering whether he's still alive.

Noatak sits up gingerly, the water washed off all residual traces of make-up and blood and he looks like my handsome lover again but an expression of conflicted awe is plastered on his face as he feels up his body and looks at me for a long painful moment. Finally, he moves to me and I fear that by healing him I am just dragging us back to square one and starting the fight all over again but he just kneels over me and kisses me like the very first time, with tenderness, admiration and love. I kiss back with my shallow strength and desperate need, ignoring the sound of approaching footsteps outside the door or the knocked-out equalists.

"I really am useless…" He murmurs into my lips, his voice filled with self-loathing. "I'm so sorry, my love."

Next thing I know he is chi-blocking me into unconsciousness and as I watch him stand up and the world begins to blur around the edges I know that this now fully fledged Avatar will never see the man known as Amon again but what crushes me is the sound of his desperate murmured voice speaking to himself while watch him look at me as the darkness takes over my senses:

"What have you done, Noatak…?"


	12. Track 12- Comatose

Track 12- Comatose

(Note: Amon's lyrics will be in **bold**. Korra's only line in lyrics will be _italicized_.

_~Once again, this is for masksarehot! It's a get-well-soon gift! I hope you feel better ASAP, Masksy!~_

Theme: After the boat explosion that killed Tarrlok, Amon was found by the United Republic Navy barely alive. After many months in a deep coma he begins to become aware of everything around him and the experience changes everything he ever believed in and everything he has ever wanted. (Post-Cannon)

Song: 'Comatose' by Skillet)

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

"How is he today?" Her hushed voice seeps into my consciousness, _waking_ me from blurry dreams, or at least waking me as much as my condition allows. It feels as if she's trying to avoid disturbing a sleeping child. If only she knew that I want nothing more than to be disturbed by that smoky voice of hers…

"Same as always, Avatar Korra." The healer doesn't bother to whisper, he just speaks with his usual strident voice that has been rattling my nerves ever since I started to become aware of things around me again and that has been a long time.

"Can I stay with him for a while?" Her question gives hope and her tone is almost pleading.

"Knock yourself out. You never listen to what I say anyway." The healer replies, having gained enough familiarity to speak to her this way in the past few months. I hear the sound of footsteps and what I think is a door being slid open and shut.

"Still asleep, I see." Korra's unique smoky voice sounds from somewhere near my face so assume she's either leaning close or sitting beside me. "Lazy-ass." Her chuckled insult actually sounds endearing to me after all this time.

I'm not really sure how long it's been, it feels like years but it could just have been months or weeks. I remember the explosion very clearly, somehow I wish I didn't, I wish the trauma would make me forget but the memory is as clear as water. I can recall the moment I understood what Tarrlok was doing and shed a tear, I'm not sure why I did that, perhaps it was my goodbye to the world or perhaps it was due to the sorrow of our tale or guilt for what I had done to my brother, then again it could very well have been relief too, I don't even know anymore because what came immediately after is what still haunts me- I fully intended to go down with Tarrlok but as soon as that flaming hell blasted around us, my body reacted out of instinct and my waterbending saved my life, I don't know whether I should call it irony or hypocrisy that the man who despised bending so much was saved by it but sometimes I wish I hadn't been saved, I didn't deserve to live, I should have died with Tarrlok, at least we would have gone down together as brothers again but instead I lived, me, the monster survived and Tarrlok, my misguided little brother who I should have protected and saved from the very start, who I never should have abandoned, died in a fraction of a second by his own hand while trying to end our sad story.

I can remember the blast of flames with stark clarity, I can almost still feel them lick at my skin with gruesome sizzling pain, sometimes I think I can see that brightness all over again in my eyes and it terrifies me. I still recall that deafening sound when everything went up in flames, I can still feel the force of the overheated air flinging my like a doll and burning my lungs from the inside out, I can still remember the crack of my bones, my skin melting like wax, my sight vanishing in a brilliant flash of light and my hearing tuning in on nothing but static. I can almost still feel the water around me, stinging on my flesh, filling my lungs and drowning me, I have no idea how I survived that, I wished I knew but everything that came after that was wiped clean from my brain when I lost consciousness.

I don't know how long it took them to find me but from what I picked up from pieces of conversation around me, the United Republic of Nations Navy found me drifting and barely alive and I was transported here… I don't really know where here is but I can tell that it's some sort of hospital. I really haven't a clue of how long I was out in their care but eventually I slowly began to become aware of things around me, it helped that my hearing had eventually begun to return after that explosion, at least in one of my ears anyway.

A first this was utter agony. To be trapped inside my own body, to be able to hear and feel but have no control over myself even for something as simple as opening my eyes, to have to live in a world were dreams and awareness blur together indistinctly, a world of my own mind where everything is dark and only my thoughts, nightmares and guilt keep me company… The healers call it a coma, I call it the most pure definition of horror and every day I wished that someone would show enough mercy to kill me once and for all because there is no way that death can be any worse than this.

But then she came and that changed everything. I still can't understand why Avatar Korra visits me what I estimate is every other day but she never fails and sometimes after she leaves I wonder if the sound of her voice meant she was really there or if it's just my deteriorating mind playing tricks on me or some dream that I couldn't quite tell apart from reality.

At first Korra was angry, she came to confirm if it was really me and she blamed me for Tarrlok's death and the state of chaos the city was in, I was, however, surprised that she wasn't distraught because I had taken her bending. The healers told her I couldn't hear anything, they told her it was useless to talk to me because I wouldn't understand but she lashed out on me regardless, telling me what a monster I was, how I deserved to be in the state I was and how she would destroy me if I ever dared to wake up, her screams were ringing in my ears for days after she left.

Then one day she returned, she sounded aggressive and didn't seem to know why she was there in the first place but she talked to me anyway, she informed me that she had her bending back and that my efforts had failed because she could now return anyone's bending, she told me everything Tarrlok had once told her about our past, she tried to make sense of what had happened in the boat, she told me how my army had been dismantled and how the city was recovering and peace treaty had been signed, she even told me how most of my men and women had been pardoned and were helping rebuild the city whilst promoting social equality in a peaceful manner.

After that she popped up again a couple of weeks later, now talking to me like a normal person and informing me of the state of things- she told me how Hiroshi Sato was imprisoned in mental institution and how my lieutenant and joined the Council as an advisor after being released from the hospital, she also told me that she was trying to understand me, mostly to get over her own bloodbending trauma.

A few days later she appeared again and by then I realized I had been hoping she would return, I had been counting the seconds, she was the only person who actually took the time to talk to me and I needed that or I would have lost my mind completely. That day she gave me her take on my philosophy, she had obviously been thinking about my points of view as Amon for a long time and even though she disagreed with my methods and still considered me a heartless monster she seemed to finally understand my motivation, she also thanked me for the first time, mostly with sarcasm, stating that if not for me she would never have become a fully-fledged Avatar.

I wasn't sure what to expect but a few days later she was there again and I felt the familiar smell of Panda-Lilies float into the room with her but it was hard to consider that she had brought flowers so I deduce that the smell was simply clinging to her from another source. She talked to me again and told me I had been asleep for too long and the healers were starting to believe I would never wake up again, she told me that she hoped I could hear her, that she wanted some part of me to be aware of her presence there and at that second I wanted nothing more than to reach out to her and tell her that yes, I could hear every word she said but my body, my prison, refused to cooperate and by the end of the day she told me that she might not come back for a while and all I wanted to do was scream and beg for her to stay.

She didn't return for a long time, weeks maybe, and that gave me time to think, it gave me time to consider multiple points of view and flaws in my plans, it gave me time to regret and to miss her. That was when I realized that I was starting to like Korra, not the Avatar but Korra herself. I was starting to change too or perhaps I was simply shifting back to the person I had been before I became Amon, either way it didn't make things any easier, in fact the sudden development of a conscience made the remorse and pain infinitely worse but at least I felt human again, I felt like a trapped man but a man nonetheless and not a cold machine fed by its ego, reveling in power and running for the sake and pressure of thousands of supporters.

When Korra returned again she sounded tired and depressed, from what I could tell she had been in the South Pole for a while which was I she hadn't been around but when she was left alone in my room it was as if everything was as it should be again and for the first time she spoke of herself, not as the Avatar but as a young woman, for once she didn't talk about ethics, politics, philosophy, the city or the past, she just poured her heart out about herself- she told me how insecure she was feeling with all the pressure and responsibilities of being Avatar, she told me about her spiritual breakthroughs in the South, she told me how her love life was strained and she wanted her group to just be friends again without the awkwardness of romance between them, she also told me about her family and for the first time I realized that she also had Northern blood like me and for some inexplicable reason that little thing in common made me feel warm inside. She left that day not knowing why she had poured her heart out to a person who shouldn't be able to listen, she said she didn't know why the presence of her biggest nemesis calmed her so much when it had once terrified her but I was glad to hear her say those things.

She started coming every other day after that and every moment she's not here is like a year trapped in this horrible jail that is my own body. I'm not aware of long she's been doing this but she's been saying that I look better now, that the burns have healed and that my hair is longer; Korra calls me Noatak now, since the name Amon seems to hold bad memories for her. She also talks of trivial things like the weather or the medication and intravenous nourishment I am given, there are also times were she gets personal and talks of herself again- she has since broken up with the firebender and they are just friends now, she tells me he joined the police, she says Miss Sato is running Future Industries now with amazing business prowess. I find that I enjoy hearing these tidbits of information just as much as I enjoy it when she tunes the radio and does one-sided debates on Pro-bending matches with the commentator or when she hums along with songs or even when she picks up some random book given to her by one of the airbender girls se often speaks about and reads out loud to me.

I know now that I profoundly enamored with this woman. It might be because she is the only one who still hasn't given up on me, it might be because she is my only lifeline to sanity or it might simply be because I have slowly come to know her better than anyone else I ever knew but none of that changes the fact that I have fallen in love with this girl who is young enough to be my daughter and just so happens to be the Avatar and my former greatest foe.

"Kya tells me I should move on with my life, she says I'm wasting time coming here when you can't even hear me." Korra sighs and I can hear some sort of sorrow in her voice as I feel her warm hand in mine like always. "I know she's a great healer and all but I refuse to believe her, something just tells me you're in there somewhere…I just can't stop now." There's a pause and a rustle of the bed sheets as she leans closer and I feel her speaking close to my ear with her warm breath patting my skin. "You can hear me, can't you, Noatak?"

When I can't reply , when my body gives no sign of awareness, she lets out all her breath in a sigh and I hear her slump back into a chair. In a way I'm so happy to know that she doesn't want to give up on me but I feel guilty too because now that she's said it I can't stop thinking about how she's wasting her life on somebody so unworthy, somebody who spends the majority of his paralyzed time wallowing in depression and wanting to give up and die and the rest of the time clinging to her words and dreaming of a love that will never be.

"Maybe they're right… If you haven't woken up in twenty months then what are the odds that you can even hear me?" Her voice is bitter and the hand that is almost always holding mine let's go, leaving me with a distinct sensation of emptiness and loneliness.

**«I hate feeling like this…**

**So tired of trying to fight this.**

**I'm asleep and all I dream of**

**Is waking to you!»**

I think the words that I want to say to her, I hate living like this, if it can even be called living, I hate being so trapped inside myself and I'm tired of fighting… I just want my eyes to open so she can know that I've been listening, that I care.

**«Tell me that you will listen.**

**Your touch is what I'm missing...»**

I want her hand back in mine, I want to feel her skin again, I want to know that she's there and won't let me go but most of all I want her to be able to hear me too, I want her to hear my apologies, my feelings, my words that she's been pleading for so long.

**«And the more I hide I realize**

**I'm slowly loosing you!»**

It's the thing I've come to fear more than anything in this world- losing her. I don't care if she finds a new love so long as she's happy but if she disappears from my life… I will cease to exist, I will face terror worse than death, worse than this frozen life.

_"Comatose…"_

She murmurs softly with such sadness that I feel my heart break.

**«I'll never wake up without and overdose…**

**Of you!»**

I wish I could tell her that out loud, it's not my most charismatic line but it's exactly how I feel.

**«I don't wanna live,**

**I don't wanna breathe**

**Unless I feel you next to me,**

**You take the pain I feel…**

**Waking up to you never felt so real!»**

If only she knew of how often I beg for a merciful death whenever she's not by my side, if only I could tell her that so she could understand how much her presence means to me. Only when she's here, talking and touching me, do I feel alive again and not just a wisp of a person buried in a swamp of agonizing pain and nightmares, only when she's around do I feel truly awake and aware even if I can't wake up for real because when Korra isn't here nothing really matters and I just zone out into a mix of semi-awareness and bad dreams that blur with reality.

"I wonder if you can dream in this sleep of yours…" Korra has mused about this many times, she's asked me about it time and time again but even though I can't reply she keeps asking. "I once wished you were stuck in a nightmare forever with memories of all the horrible things you did but I regret that now, I don't think anyone should handle being trapped like that for so long... So hope that at least you can dream and that they are happy dreams ."

** «I don't wanna sleep!**

**I don't wanna dream**

**'Cause my dreams don't comfort me**

**The way you make me feel…**

**Waking up to you never felt so real!»**

It's the truth, if only I woke up to her for real I would never want to sleep again, I don't want this forced slumber, this paralyzed existence and no amount of nice dreams can comfort me or make me happy ever again, only her presence, her touch, her voice, can truly do that.

**«I hate living without you.**

**Dead wrong to ever doubt you**

**But my demons lay in waiting**

**Tempting me away…»**

I know it's ironic and that I don't deserve her but I love her, I truly do, she's all I have in some twisted way and I truly despise every moment without her, if I ever wake up I won't let go of her, I'll win her over even if she still hates me, I'll let her take my bending if I have to because after so long doing nothing but thinking I can finally see that I truly became a villain, I was wrong to have ever been against her, I was wrong to doubt her, I should never had been Amon, all I wanted was peace and fairness, I even used to admire the Avatar enough to copy Aang's bending block but my demons of the past warped me into something disgusting hiding behind a mask of righteousness, making me hate what I once admired and now they tempt me to just give up and die when all I want is to hold onto her and let her brightness chase away my shadows.

**"Oh, how I adore you!**

**Oh, how I thirst for you!**

**Oh, how I need you!»**

I want to scream these words at her, I'm thinking them so hard that I might just pop a vein, I'm trying against everything to get them out so she can just know how much I love her and it's not just her as Korra anymore, I've learned to love even the Avatar side of her that I once envied so much.

**«Comatose…**

**I'll never wake up without an overdose**

**Of you!**

**I don't wanna live,**

**I don't wanna breathe**

**Unless I feel you next to me,**

**You take the pain I feel…**

**Waking up to you never felt so real!» **

I just want her to touch me again. I feel that if I have her close enough, somehow I'll find a way to show her that I'm listening… But I know it doesn't work that way and that's what tears me apart.

"Do you dream about me, Noatak? Do you hear my voice and dream of me?" Korra asks softly after a long moment of depressive silence. "What am I in your dreams? An enemy? Or have I become a…a friend?" I hear her hesitate and then she huffs to herself and speaks in a more defensive voice. "I mean, if you can hear me maybe you can tell that I don't really hate you anymore…I've kinda gotten a little attached… It's stupid, I know. Everybody tells me I shouldn't give a damn about you after what you did to me, to the city too, but I can't help it… I feel pity for your past and responsible for you being like this and I…I don't know… I don't know why I care." She sounds so confused and it's so different from her usual self-confident tone that it hurts to hear.

**«I don't wanna sleep,**

**I don't wanna dream**

**'Cause my dreams don't comfort me**

**The way you make me feel…**

**Waking up to you never felt so real!»**

I do dream of her all the time, the nightmares are the most predominant thing in my mind but even in those she manages to appear either as my victim or my executioner. There are other dreams though…dreams about her that I am too ashamed to speak off, dreams where she's mine to love but even those dreams don't comfort me or give the sanity and will to live that I get when she's really there next to me.

"I better go now, Noatak. It's getting late and Tenzin will probably worry if I show up too late… He's been trying to stop me from coming here, he thinks this is bad for me as it is so I don't want to give him any other reason to stop me." Korra mumbles an apology and I hear the distinct sound a chair being dragged back across the wooden floor before she hesitates. "Maybe… Maybe I really shouldn't show up for a while, maybe I should move on and make sense of my life."

She's leaving? Really leaving? No! I can't handle that! I know I don't deserve her but, Spirits, I can't live without her!

**«Breathing life…**

**Waking up…»**

I ordering myself as hard as I can, I feel that if I don't do something now, if I don't give her a sign then I will never hear her lovely smug smoky voice again and that would destroy me completely.

**«My eyes, open up!»**

I'm practically begging my own body and for the first time in a long time I feel something- my eyelids flutter, I still can't open them but just that sensation of being so close to true consciousness is a massive improvement, it's been so long that it almost feels alien to me. Now if only I could push myself just a little further…

**«Comatose…**

**I'll never wake up without an overdose**

**Of you!»**

This despair I feel to have her close is the only thing I can cling to, the only thing I can use to push myself, I don't have time to rationalize, for once I just need to feel and force myself to react once and for all.

**«I don't wanna live,**

**I don't wanna breath**

**Unless I feel you next to me**

**You take the pain I feel!**

**Waking up to you never felt so real!»**

Suddenly an idea sparks in my mind, something I haven't even dreamed of trying before, something that I don't even know if it's possible in normal conditions, much less like this. I'm considering using my unique psychic bloodbending, something that I'm not sure I can do in this shape, and I'm considering using it…on myself.

I don't know if it's possible, nobody in their right mind would willingly try that on themselves but if it's doable…If I can manipulate my blood with my mind then maybe, just maybe, I can give her some sort of sign!

"Sleep well, Noatak." She murmurs her goodbye and I know that I don't have any more time to think about this.

**«I don't wanna sleep,**

**I don't wanna dream**

**'Cause my dreams don't comfort me**

**The way you make me feel.»**

I focus harder than I have ever focused in my entire life, I map out the labyrinth of my own blood vessels in my mind, carefully becoming aware of the fluid pumping in my own body and before I can so much as hesitate I tug those imaginary puppet strings and force my hand to rise off the bed.

It's pain like nothing I've ever experienced, even that one time when Tarrlok bloodbent me in that cabin in the mountains was nothing compared to this. It's not just the bloodbending itself, it's the sudden strain on muscles that haven't been used in many months and it's the massive amount of force I have to put in the skill with all my willpower so that the pain and survival instinct won't make me shut down.

I feel my fingers wrap around something warm and I realize it's Korra wrist, I immediately tug those puppet lines hard enough to make my digits snap shut around her, clinging to her for dear life.

**«Waking up to you never felt so real!»**

"What the…?!" Korra's startled voice and sudden movement are a relief to hear, she's turning to me and moving closer but I don't relinquish the bloodbending grip on my own hand even as the disgusting wet sound of the strained blood vessels creeps into my ears. "Your hand…Noatak?! Are you awake?! Noatak?!"

She shakes me roughly but I still can't open my eyes. However, I refuse to let go and bloodbend my other hand to reach out to her but the pain is too excruciating and the sound is too innerving so my limb falls limply half way to her body. I'm fairly certain that if I wasn't in this coma I would have passed out from the pain by now.

"Wait…" She pauses and stops shaking me, apparently to watch how my fingers twitch rebelliously under the bending grip as she listens to that ghastly sound. "This…This is bloodbending! Are you bloodbending yourself?!" She shouts out in shock and horror the fingers of the hand I still control squeeze tighter around her wrist for a brief moment. "But you're not awake…" She hesitates for a moment, most likely putting two and two together. "But you ARE aware! You CAN hear me! I knew it!" Korra's voice sounds victorious and hopeful, it's almost infectious despite the overwhelming pain that is driving me beyond the limits of sanity. "You want me to stay, don't you? I know how painful bloodbending is and you want me to stay with you so badly that you're willingly enduring it!"

I force my fingers to squeeze down again but what little focus I have is slipping and my hand clings too hard, probably bruising her wrist by the hiss she lets out, and then my hand drops lifelessly again only for her to lace her fingers in mine and hold on closely.

"I'm here, Noatak." She actually lies next to me for all I can tell. Her breath pets my cheek and she's so close that I can feel the heat radiating from her body as she holds my hand. "Even if you still hate me I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here for you. Please…please…please wake up!"

Her begging voice is filled with stubbornness, hope, tenderness and heart-wrenching sadness and all I want is to do open my eyes and tell her own grateful I am.

**"Oh, how I adore you…" **I wanted to yell it out even though I knew it wouldn't leave my frozen lips but my voice actually does come out as a barely audible, cracked, raspy murmur that is almost incomprehensible from long disuse.

**«Waking up to you never felt so real!»**

**"Oh, how I thirst for you…"** Korra has shifted and I feel as much as hear her breath catch as she leans closer to listen. Recovering that little shadow of my voice is an enormous victory, now if I just had the strength to push a little further…

**«Waking up to you never felt so real!»**

**"Oh, how I adore you…" **I cough slightly and it hurts all over my chest but I don't care. Korra is silent and I almost want to try and bloodbend my eyelids just so I can look at her face and try to understand what she's thinking.

**"The way you make me feel…" **I can't even describe what I'm feeling for her right now but after a long time, after a long struggle with gargantuan strength I didn't even know I had, I finally force my fluttering eyelids open.

The room is actually quite dark with the sun almost completely set and letting only a slight haze of deep golden orange light seep in through the window above my head but even in that semi-darkness, the sudden light in my eyes is blinding and it takes me several minutes of painful blinking to actually see anything again and through all that time Korra is silent and petrified by my side.

I finally manage to look at the woman who's lying next to me and even though she is still almost the same despite her unfamiliar clothes, she looks so different that I almost don't recognize her- she's wearing a bright cerulean and white top, dark blue arm-warmers and her usual triple tie hairstyle is messy and untidy, she looks so much thinner but still so brawny, she looks tired, slightly older and a little more mature and holds an expression of absolute shock right now but at the same time she's so much more beautiful than I remembered and the sight cracks a painful smile on my parched lips.

**"Waking up to you never felt so real."**

The words slip out a little louder this time, if this didn't feel so real and so physically painful I would almost think it was a dream, it could be very hard to distinguish dreams from reality after so long being comatose, but this has to be real, I know it and because of that I can't stop smiling even if I know that I can't really have Korra, even if I'm a criminal, right now all I want is to shove that aside as I watch tears well up in her stunned eyes before they stream freely down her face and she hugs me so tightly that it's hard to breath and all my unused muscles complain with bruising pain. I don't think right now anybody would believe that we were once hated enemies and to be honest I'd rather die or go back to the torture of being comatose rather than ever hurt her or turn against her again.

"Stay…" I whisper as loud as I can, begging as I try to move my rigid limbs.

"Yes. I'll stay."

"I'm sorry…" I need to say this, I need her forgiveness. "Don't hate me…"

"I should hate you. I should hate you more than anyone in the world for what you did but I can't." She hiccups slightly into my chest but dashes her tears away and looks up at me hopefully. "Don't _you_ hate me anymore? I'm the Avatar."

"You…" I cough slightly again to steady my dry voice. "You're Korra…and I love you…"

"Why?" She bends water from a jar on the table by the bed and tries to couch me to drink it, which I do in little sips.

"I was…always aware of you…I heard it all…Everything." I choke a little on the water but my voice is finally more than a cracked whisper and the sensation of her warm arms enfolding me in the most comforting embrace I have ever experienced is a joy I could never have dreamed of. "…You stayed, you saved me when I was nothing so I'm never letting go."


	13. Track 13- Diamonds

Track 13- Diamonds

(Note: Asami's lyrics will be _italicized_ and Korra's will be **bold**. Anything said by both will be **_italic bold_**.

Theme: Korra and Asami have been together for a while. On the eve of a special day, Korra seems troubled and Asami does her best to cheer the Avatar and show her what their relationship really means. (Post-Cannon/Non-Cannon)

Warnings: F/F

Song: 'Diamonds (In The Sky)' by Rihanna)

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

"Have any of you seen Korra?" I enquire towards Ikki and Jinora, having poked my head into their open guest room door. I invite them to sleep over in my home often since both Korra and I like their company and tomorrow is a special occasion after all, but right now it's well past midnight and though I'm surprised to see them awake I can't be a good host because I'm looking for the Avatar.

"Yeah, she passed by us a bit ago." Ikki smiles brightly but I can tell she's sleepy by the way she's not chattering animatedly. She's grown so much in the past five years since the war that she's now almost as tall as me and she's only twelve but she's still lanky, thin and easily excited.

"I believe she went outside, Asami." Jinora replies calmly. She has become very much like her father in terms of demeanor and I still often see her buried in some book but she has changed a lot physically- she's not very tall but she already displays impressive curves and the lovely blue airbender tattoos that decorate her body are a stark difference from the first time I met her.

"Thanks. Do you girls need anything?" I smile gratefully.

"No, thank you. We were just about to retire for the night." Jinora gives me a gentle smile, acting polite as always. "Good night, Asami."

"Good night, girls." I wave and watch them settle down and I slide their door shut quickly. Ikki is already dozing off and probably didn't even hear me.

I stretch momentarily and walk down the corridor towards the back door that leads to the garden. My manor had to be rebuilt after the equalist war but it's better than ever now and I even have an impressive garden and gym to go with it now, both things that I know Korra loves so it's no wonder she'd be out here, it's were I usually find her after all.

Korra and I have been living together for almost three years now and that still seems to confuse a lot of people but I never really cared about those things in the least, I'm just glad that everything worked out for the best in the end. For a long time I thought I would end up alone, I used to love Mako and it hurt when I saw him drift away towards Korra, he's affections for her were obvious just like her crush on him and that made me jealous but the truth was that our relationship wasn't really that deep and they were happier together which was what really mattered to me so I decided to be the bigger person and didn't cause a scene, in fact I even gave a little push so they could be together no matter how much it stung my pride.

And yet thing didn't last, Korra and Mako were together for a year before they realized that things just wouldn't work between them, that they clashed too much as lovers and from what I hear there were other private incompatibilities that they never speak off so they broke up and for a while it seemed like our group was going to crash because of it but Bolin insisted of everyone getting along and I provided moments where we could all be together and work things out. It took another dangerous Avatarian adventure to really get those two back on the same page but by the end of it our group was stronger than ever…or so it seemed.

It took me a while after Korra and Mako had started dating to realize why Mako's blatant crush on the Avatar didn't bother me as much as it should but by the time I learned to name my feelings I had to put a lid on them because they would have screwed up my relationship with those two even further if anyone knew the truth… Only after they broke up did I allow myself to slowly start accepting my own feelings but I was too terrified to show them- I had realized that although I liked Mako very deeply, I never truly loved him and what really had bothered me wasn't that he liked someone else, it was that the object of his affections was _Korra_ of all people.

I tried to tell myself that I was just jealous of her, that I envied her luck, her power, her strength, her integrity, her spirit, her beauty and her very personality but that was the biggest lie I ever told because the truth was that I admired those things. I didn't envy her, I wanted her.

After I accepted that I had fallen in love with the Avatar, I had to force myself to smile every time I saw any of my friends because I had to hide it, I was torn between respect for our friendship and desire for Korra, I was also so confused and I didn't know how to handle my feelings; I thought I didn't have a chance with her and I didn't want to ruin the friendship we had developed since the war, I thought I was going to be alone or end up in some sad loveless relationship because I would never have Korra.

I was utterly shocked when six months after Korra and Mako went from lovers to friends again, the firebender and Bolin approached me and asked me how long had been head over heels for Korra. I have no idea when they realized it but from what they tell me the more I tried to hide, the more transparent my feelings became and only Korra seemed oblivious of them with her naïve happy-go-lucky boisterous attitude. I was stunned and terrified but the brothers didn't judge me in the least, in fact they just gave me a pat in the back and said 'welcome to the club' before all three of us ended up in my dad's old liquor cabinet, drinking away the stress whilst talking about the Avatar.

Mako told me I shouldn't be scared, he said that if I truly liked Korra in a romantic way then I should go for it even if I was woman. I don't think he understood how scary that prospect was for me, how I preferred to have just her friendship in case my feelings scared her away but he spoke with certainty and gave plenty of hints that to this day lead me to think that he knew something about Korra that made him think I could succeed.

Eventually I couldn't take it anymore, being around my friends who had become my family after we fought a war together and after my father was incarcerated, was starting to get painful. Everyone but Korra knew how I was pining for her and they all pitied me and everything the Avatar did seemed to tease me further until something inside me just snapped and I decided that I was going to seduce her.

It ended up being a lot easier than I thought. I didn't even have to initiate our first kiss, sure I gave all the first steps, I sent her all the signs, I wooed her discreetly but obviously enough that even she had to understand it but it was Korra that kissed me impulsively one night when I came too close, when I spoke too sweetly and invaded her personal space. That was one of the happiest moments of my life and I still can't get over how right our lips felt on each other, how delicious it tasted and how safe I felt with her.

It took a while but the day she accepted to move in with me was another of the happiest days of my life. I was all alone in this huge house with only the mansion staff for company now that my dad was in jail indefinitely, I was yearning for her all the time so when she finally agreed to leave the Temple under the pretext of becoming independent I was ecstatic and thrilled when she joined me so we could maybe try to start a life together. Until then nobody but Mako and Bolin knew of our romance and they accepted it cheerfully and helped us hide it which are things I can never thank them enough for but as soon as Korra and Naga moved into my house the speculation became rabid, the airbenders and Chief Beifong found out eventually and informed Korra's parents, there was a lot reluctance but eventually they all accepted our relationship and were happy for us, the rest of the world never really thought much of the Avatar living with the lonely businesswoman Sato until recently when some minor photographs of us in intimate situations slipped out into the world but to be perfectly honest I don't give a damn whether the world knows or not, it doesn't change how I feel or act in the least.

I can't say I still have a crush on Korra anymore, I can't do that because it would be the understatement of the century- I love Korra, I love her with all my heart. She always made me feel safe, she always fascinated me and that laugh…Oh Spirits, that laugh and that smug smirk of hers make me swoon. It's the first time since my mother died that I've truly been happy with my life despite the issues with my father, so I just want to make Korra happy; I want to help her shoulder all her Avatar responsibilities and I want to make her smile every single day.

"Korra?" I finally spot her sitting by the large koi pond in our garden; she seems to be bending little patterns above the water in a half-distracted state.

"Hm?" She glances over her shoulder then smiles lightly and turns back towards the water. "I thought you were asleep already, Sami."

"I can't sleep without a certain brawny Water Tribe babe to warm up my bed." I chuckle softly and sit beside her on the little rock bench that she earthbent a long time ago.

"What a spoiled little princess you turned out to be." She teases me with sarcasm and smirks in that way I love so much but it seems a little off today.

"I know for a fact that you happen to like this princess or you wouldn't be the one doing all the spoiling." I elbow her playfully in the ribs.

"Says the queen of pampering." Korra elbows back softly. I always notice how gentle she tries to be with me; she doesn't need to do it, she may be a whole lot stronger than me but I can handle her by now and yet she's always so gentle and careful with me only, with the brothers or anyone else she doesn't bother to hold back her strength and just acts like her wild self. It just shows how precious I have become to her.

"Is that a complaint I hear, Avatar Korra? Because I don't recall any objections to my _pampering_ last night, in fact I recall some rather enthusiastic cries for more." I eye her with playful curiosity and watch as the dark caramel cheeks of my sweet twenty-two year old Avatar turn a lovely shade of rusty rose. Despite all her brash loud-mouth smugness, this innocent side of her still makes me smile and melt.

"I…I wasn't complaining…" She looks away shyly but wraps one of those beautiful, strong sculpted arms around my shoulders. "When did you become such a pervert, Sami?"

"When I started loving you, sweetie." I plant a kiss on her cheek and Korra sighs and leans closer to me as I wrap my slender arm around her waist.

"What did you ever see in me in the first place?" Korra's eyes are closed but I can tell she's wide awake. "Besides the obvious."

"And what, pray tell, is the obvious?"

"I'm the Avatar, I'm stronger than most men and I'm popular." She names all the qualities with smugness and no small amount of bitterness at the same time.

"True but that's not why I fell in love with you, hon." I wonder if this is what has been bothering my lover for the past few days and if it is then now is the time to fix that.

"Then what was it?"

"The first thing I ever liked about you was your laugh…After that it was your free-spirited rebellious attitude and your sense of humor." I chuckle at the memories that flood my mind but force myself to continue. "Your passion, your loyalty, your bravery, your selflessness, your tomboyish wildness, your brashness and even your naivety were all things that made me melt and go all gooey inside too."

"Seriously?" She sounds skeptical.

"Seriously." I nod in confirmation.

"What about physically? I'm a girl after all and you're waaaaaay prettier and more refined than me, so what in me could possibly have caught your eye?" Korra has a silly pout on her face.

"Oh, Korra." I'm pretty sure she knows by know exactly what I love about her body but maybe she just likes hearing it, maybe she needs to be reassured yet her question makes me laugh a little anyway. "To me you are beautiful, everything I am has been built and worked for but you are naturally stunning from head to toe, you don't even have to try to look pretty, you're just perfect as you are." I smile and trace up her back under the cerulean top she wears, it's a warm summer night so she doesn't seem to mind my cool hands. "Sure, all that training and fighting and Pro-Bending gives you this unique physique that I love but that's just part of you, it's not the same as my make-up and my constant fight not plump up whenever I eat a biscuit."

"Well, I for one like it when you plump up. Gives me more to grab and grope." Korra laughs that unique booming laugh of hers and I slap her painfully in the chest.

"Who's being a pervert now?" I chuckle again but her words warm me inside. It's not that I try to conform with fads or any fashion expectations that society holds but I like to feel pretty and my appearance is how I express myself since I lack Korra's outgoing temperament and self-confidence, not to mention that as a businesswoman in this day and age I need any edge I can to be respected in my work but sometimes it becomes stressful to be looked at and judged only by my outer appearance so whenever Korra says these things with her natural candid attitude it always makes me happy.

"Hey, I'm just being honest, babe!" She raises her hands in surrender and smirks smugly.

"You always are, Korra." I plant yet another kiss on her cheek and watch her look at the water while still smiling but the silence that follows my words seems a bit heavy and she looks very distant for some reason.

"I love you, Sami. You know that right?" Korra doesn't look at me, she just murmurs the words with her pretty blue eyes looking at nothing in particular.

"I know. I love you too, Korra." I press a little closer and tilt my head enough to see her face. "What are you thinking?"

"People don't really take us seriously, do they?"

"What do you mean?" Her question surprises me and I pull away enough reposition myself in front of her, sitting at her feet because I know she'll look at me this way even if she's trying not to.

"I mean that…I don't know, ever since those photos went public I expected this explosion of hatred against us because we're both really well-known women so I thought we'd have a lot of crap on our hands, I thought people would preach that our relationship was unnatural, I thought it would be scandal since everyone is always trying to pin flaws on me but…" Korra hesitates, looking a bit lost.

"But you're surprised that nobody seems to care that much?" I watch her nod and look at me a little sadly.

"Yeah. We get spiteful comments all the time but I'm Avatar and you're one of the most powerful people in Republic City now so this is not what I expected. I spent so long being afraid of what would happen if we came public since every little thing either of us does always seems to get scrutinized in the papers, I was expecting so much worse but somehow, for once people are minding their own business and nobody really seems to care."

"Isn't that a good thing, Korra?" I'm puzzled by her depressed attitude.

"Well, yeah, it is but… I can't shake the feeling that the reason why everything is ok is not because people accept it but because they don't take it seriously." Korra sighs and looks away again. It seems to me like she's been giving this a lot of thought, too much actually. "I don't really care what complete strangers think, I don't care if the world is against us but it bothers me that even those who know us well, with the exception of Bo and Mako, seem to think this is just a phase or an adventure or something. Did you see today's newspaper? Nobody takes our relationship seriously, even Tenzin thinks it's just a fling that will go away as soon as some guy gets between us."

"Korra…" I look at her for a moment, trying to think of what to say. "Does it really matter? We know how we feel and in time people will be forced to accept that our relationship is serious. So do you really have to worry about it so much? You know how much I love you, right? What everyone else thinks doesn't matter to me."

I end up tracing up her thigh and hip over her cobalt slacks in an attempt to reassure her, it's a comforting gesture because it's intimate and I know my fingers are following the design of a certain large Water Tribe tattoo that she has under that clothing, a tattoo that I also happen to have in the exact same spot in my body. We got them together not very long ago, it was an unspoken vow of friendship, love and commitment that we gave each other and I know that if even by some impossible miracle we ever separate and our feelings turn sour, I will never regret this permanent mark on my body because it pinpoints one of the biggest turning points of my life and will always represent the most spectacular time of my youth and the most amazing person I ever met that has marked my life so deeply. For Korra though, I know that mark means a lot more, I know it's a Water Tribe thing that expresses the depth of her feelings and all her pride for me… That's probably what's bugging her, she's proud of what we have and she hates that people are underrating it or taking lightly or making it seem shameful.

"I know. You're right as always but… I'm proud of us, Sami. I want people to see that." Ah, I knew it. She rests her hand over mine on her thigh but she looks away hesitantly. "Besides…you're beautiful, rich, refined and overall perfect. Sometimes I wonder if I really deserve you, I feel too dull and inadequate to be with someone so… Amazing."

"Korra, Korra, Korra…" I shake my head and sigh before I get to my feet again and hug her sitting form, petting her hair softly under the moonlight. I want to cheer her up, I want her to see that she is the amazing one, not just as Avatar but as herself, and I am the inadequate one in our story but the only thing that comes to mind is a song my mother used to sing to me when I was a kid, one that always gave me strength and confidence. "Listen to me, ok?"

"Always." She looks up at him with curiosity in those big blue eyes.

_"Shine bright like a diamond._

_Shine bright like a diamond."_

I whisper the words softly as I twirl a lock of her ponytailed hair in my hands. It's a description of her, not a request as it was when my mother hummed it to me.

_"Find light in the beautiful sea._

_I chose to be happy…"_

She's my light from the sea, my beautiful waterbender and Avatar that lit up my life when it became plunged in darkness. I need her to understand that the life I lead with her now was my own choice and that it truly makes me happy.

_"You and I… You and I,_

_We're like diamonds in the sky!"_

I struggled to find a comparison but then I remember something, the thing that made me seek her out tonight, that makes me wave at the glittering stars above us in the dark indigo dome of the sky. We are unique like those stars and together we shine brighter than any gem because that's how happy we make each other, that's how perfect we are together whether people recognize it or not.

_"You're a shooting star I see,_

_A vision of ecstasy."_

I pull her up to stand with me and trace her cheek, she has to know by the look of adoration in my eyes just how beautiful she is to me.

_"When you hold me, I'm alive…_

_We're like diamonds in the sky!"_

I open my arms to her and she embraces me in that too tight way of hers that always makes me feel safe and loved and utterly brimming with life. I hold her to me and I'm glad that she's not interrupting but merely listening enraptured as I tell her how beautiful what we have is, how wonderful our love is in my eyes.

_"I knew that we'd become one_

_Right away… Oh, right away._

_At first sight I felt energy of sun rays,_

_I saw the life inside your eyes."_

I never admitted this to anyone, even to myself but from the first moment I met Korra I knew we'd have something deep and I always saw that bright, blinding, wild energy of hers running rampant in everything she did and that fascinated me. It had nothing to do with her being the Avatar, it was just that brash, intense life in her eyes that felt infectious to me.

_"So shine bright tonight._

_You and I,_

_We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky._

_Eye to eye, so alive_

_We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky."_

I'm holding her face, with my hands cupping that lovely cinnamon jaw to make her look into my eyes as I watch the stars reflect in the glittering sapphire depths of her own eyes. It's sounds so sappy to think about but at this moment she really is the most beautiful thing to me and I want her to see how perfect we are together.

_"Shine bright like a diamond._

_Shine bright like a diamond._

_Shine bright like a diamond."_

I grabbed her hands and pulled with me amidst the night-blooming jasmine and fire lily blossoms and I'm just repeating my words as we move and twirl around the flowers clumsily. It's an odd sight- the boyish brash Avatar and the sophisticated businesswoman stumbling like little girls among flowers in the night with the strong but smooth fragrance of the plants floating around us under the silvery moonlight, it's odd and out of character but I've never been happier and Korra looks so pretty and strong over the delicate blossoms that I never want this moment to end.

_"We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky."_

I see her smile at my words, it's that smug smile I love so much laced with a little embarrassment and it sends butterflies fluttering inside me.

_"Shine bright like a diamond._

_Shine bright like a diamond._

_Shine bright like a diamond._

_We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky."_

Korra pulls me into her body and I practically fall over her in the middle of the jasmine blossoms, she wraps her arms tightly around me and nuzzles my nose with her own in what I have learned is Water Tribe display of affection. I find it very endearing and adorable.

"More." She whispers, urging me to continue.

_"Palms rise to the universe as we moonshine and molly._

_Feel the warmth; we'll never die!_

_We're like diamonds in the sky."_

I raise my hands at the sky with a smile and press my body to hers feeling the heat of her skin like fire against my form while I wonder if the Spirits are watching us, maybe Yue is admiring us as she pours her silver shine all over this little world of ours, making Korra look even more gorgeous in my eyes. She's the Avatar so I guess that's possible, that's why I thank the Universe that she was placed in my life because she could have been involved in much greater things without me and yet here we are and we will never die so long as everyone remembers the story of brave Avatar Korra and her fated Asami Sato.

_"You're a shooting star I see,_

_A vision of ecstasy._

_When you hold me, I'm alive…_

_We're like diamonds in the sky._

_At first sight I felt energy of sun rays,_

_I saw the life inside your eyes!"_

I repeat my whole message to her, imprinting it in her mind as we kick off our shoes and she holds e close in her arms. Even though I'm almost an inch taller than her, I always feel tiny in her strong arms because it amazes how much raw strength someone so lovely can have and right now, while we sway around in the grass and she nearly lifts me off the ground in some sort of clumsy but sweet little dance I just can't help but cling onto her and laugh under the starry sky with the infectious lively energy of hers coursing into me.

**"So shine bright tonight!**

**You and I,**

**We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky!**

**Eye to eye, so alive.**

**We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky!"**

Korra stole my words and my rhythm and turned them on me as she lifts me into the air, holding me up by the waist; it's obvious her mood has swayed for the better and she's laughing again which makes me happy, I feel accomplished, knowing that I managed to cheer her up so easily.

It's almost shocking but I suddenly realize that it's the first time I've heard her sing and that deep smoky voice of hers sounds absolutely amazing in my ears even if she is slightly off-key in a sweet way, it sends chills down my spine and makes me want to join her in song.

**"Shine bright like a diamond."**

_"Shine bright like a diamond."_

**_"Shine bright like a diamond._**

**_We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky."_**

We were off each other's tempo at first so it sounded like we were answering each other but like everything else in life we synched up perfectly at some point and I love the way our voices sound together in this silent garden with only the buzz of cicadas, the rustle of the wind on the flowers and tree leaves and the rush of the pond water to make up our melody.

I grab Korra's hands and decide to act as impulsive as her for a change- I let go of all my polite decorum and naturally modest attitude and simply spin around with her, trampling the soft grass beneath our feet as we clutch each other's hands tightly and pull and twirl along at dizzying speed like a couple of wild laughing kids singing out over and over in giggles, acting drunk on life and love.

**_"Shine bright like a diamond._**

**_Shine bright like a diamond._**

**_Shine bright like a diamond."_**

**"We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky!"**

Korra steals the last line too loudly and I laugh, trying to warn her that it's late and we might wake someone if she yells like that but she doesn't seem to care and keeps singing to me while we spin around together with our hair whipping in the breeze.

**_"Shine bright like a diamond._**

**_Shine bright like a diamond._**

**_Shine bright like a diamond!"_**

At some point I get so dizzy that I fall and pull her down with me, my head is pillowed by my mass of ebony hair as well as the fresh grass and Korra falls over me and settles her weight on her elbows as our bodies press together, her generous supple breasts crush to mine, the flat planes of her stomach puzzle to my torso and her legs tangle between my own as the chestnut hair from her messy ponytails falls around my face and she kisses me.

The kiss is hungry and possessive, when it comes to kissing Korra is even more devouring and aggressive than Mako and that's saying something, but I like it. I love the way her plump lips mold to mine, I love how she sucks my tongue and traces all over my pearly teeth with hers, I like how forceful she is and how bittersweet she tastes as she smudges my maroon lipsticks in her passion; at one time I considered changing to a different, less obvious shade just to avoid the mess after our kisses but Korra didn't like it and sulked until I returned to wearing my usual crimson lip-paint, she says it's because it's more me and because it reminds her of when we met but I think she just likes to see how it feathers and stains, sullying and marking me whenever she kisses me as proof of what only she can do.

When the kiss breaks apart I'm gasping for air and I can see her mouth, her smug smirk, stained with my lipstick, it looks messy and wrong on her but so alluring and lovely at the same time.

_"So shine bright tonight, _

_You and I,_

_We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky!_

_Eye to eye, so alive…_

_We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky!"_

I murmur the words breathlessly to her, enjoying her comforting weight on me and the way she's nuzzling my nose again with a smile.

"Thanks, Asami." She whispers tenderly with her fingers playing in my hair. "I guess overthinking things really isn't for me."

"No, it's not, sweetie." I chuckle and trace up her back again. I'm ticklish from her hair that grazes my face and immersed in the lovely scent of Korra and night-blooming jasmine.

"I love you." Korra gives me that cute puppy-eyed look that makes her appear so young that nobody would believe she's the brash all-powerful Avatar. I'm secretly proud and a little cocky that only I get to truly see this soft side of her. "Spirits, I love you so much."

"I love you too, Korra. Don't ever forget that." I kiss her chastely and use my thumb to blot away the lipstick smears around her mouth.

"I won't." She smiles and her head plops down on my chest as she finally relaxes.

"Good Avatar." I chuckle and pat her back teasingly as we lie in comfortable silence under the moonlight. "What do you want to do now, Korra?"

"Wanna go throw some punches in the gym?" She smirks naughtily and suddenly her hand is crawling up my thigh under my skirt. "Or maybe we can do some other sort of _wrestling_, if you know what I mean."

I chuckle and my hands are already moving up her sides provocatively under that cerulean top of hers but I force myself to stop before things get a little too hot to handle.

"I'd love to _wrestle_ around with you under the moon, sweetie. However, there's something I need to do first." I kiss her cheek, leaving a faint red lip print on the caramel skin before I sit up with her head on my lap since she is stubbornly and lazily refusing to get up.

"What?" She looks up at me and once again I see the stars reflected in her glittering blue eyes.

"This." I reach into my pocket and pull out a small velvet pouch that I deposit in her hands. "I was supposed to wait until tomorrow but it's far past midnight already so… Happy Birthday, Korra."

"Sami…You didn't have to." Korra tries to act humble but she's already sitting up with a grin and untying the velvet laces, I know at first she felt uncomfortable with my gifts but by now she knows she can't stop me from pampering her and she also knows that I get just as much pleasure in it as she does so she revels in my (not so) little gifts.

"Well, I thought you'd like it." I watch her face turn from a grin to a blatant surprise, it looks almost silly and the color has drained from her cheeks so I really can't tell what she's thinking as she slides my present out of the pouch and into her hands. "I guess it's more appropriate than I thought given that you were worrying about showing off our relationship with pride."

"Asami…This…This is huge! Do you even know what it means? You can't take this back, you know?" Korra looks stunned and almost fearful as she stares at me.

"Who's not taking us seriously now, Korra? I'll never take it back and I want the whole world to know that." I smile and trace the item on hand lightly- it's a choker, the band is made of tough but smooth and almost metallic scaly leather that reflects many hues of teal and blue like the inside of an abalone shell and a pair of diamonds in it frame an opal that hangs from it with intricate carvings of all the elements twisted together, the latch on the back is made of solid brass.

"You know we can't really have a ceremony right?" Korra grimaces slightly but she's looking at me with the loving puppy-eyed look again.

"I just want you to wear it." I smile and pick up the necklace, holding it to her neck. "May I?"

"…Yes." Korra's ashy tone of surprise is replaced by a red hue as she starts to blush very deeply when I place the choker on her until it hugs her skin intimately and the opal nestles on the hollow of her throat; as I lock the latch at the back we are so close that her face rests on the curve of my neck and she closes her eyes apparently breathing in my perfume. I linger a little longer than necessary before I move back moments later.

"It looks lovely on you." I tilt my head admiring how the ornament looks against her the smooth cinnamon skin that I long to cover with kiss marks.

"It's beautiful…" Korra has bent some water from the pond into a makeshift ice mirror just to see how it looks and she's still so red that I find it endearing. She touches the carved opal that almost glows under the moonlight with the tips of her fingers and looks at me. "You didn't really make this yourself, did you?" Her tone is amused and a little skeptical, I should resent that but I know her too well to take offense.

"Of course I did." I smile quite proudly and cuddle next to her as I begin to explain my thoughts on this particular piece of craftsmanship, of course the one thing I won't tell her is how many tries it actually took to make a perfect necklace. "I chose opal because it reminded me of your eyes in Avatar State, I caved it will symbols of all the elements for the same reason plus between you and me we have heritage of three out of the four nations anyway; the diamonds I chose because they are pure and unbreakable just like I want us to be and because they shine almost as much as you do with anything you put your mind to; the lock is my own mechanical design too. As for the band, it was a little tricky but I ended up choosing Ming Snake leather, since it's so pretty and tough and native to the poles just like you."

"I always knew you were good at crafts and mechanics but this is…wow." Korra chuckles a little, seemingly overwhelmed, and looks at me with mingled adoration and gratitude. "Thank you."

"Does that mean you like it?" I know she does but it's a good chance to tease her.

"I love it, babe." Korra leans to me and plants one of her hungry kisses on my lips, swallowing the air right out of me. "I'm never taking it off."

"That was the plan." I breathe out the words with my lips still tingling from her bruising kisses.

"How can I thank you?" She nuzzles my neck and the mood suddenly shifts from loving, sweet and playfully teasing to provocative, heated and magnetically passionate.

"Well…About that _wrestling_ proposal…" I murmur as my lips already kiss and suckle up her neck, making her shiver and bite her lower lip seductively.

Korra smiles naughtily and suddenly pins me under her with her hands grasping mine, lacing our fingers together as she kisses me in that possessive way that makes me want to tear off her clothes; minutes later I'm forced to break the contact of our fingers and right now I'm just clawing her garments off so my hands can caress as much of her perfect caramel skin as possible. She's just as eager as me, I can feel that in the way one of her hands fists into my hair and the pulls up my skirt, grasping my hip so I have to wrap my leg around her waist.

We are tangled in that intimate embrace on the grass, pouring our souls into each other with that kiss as maroon stains our lips, our soft bodies grind and press together, so distinctively opposite and yet perfectly matched as if they were made to complete each other, slender limbs of dark cinnamon skin meet pale snow white under the silvery moonlight of the balmy summer night. The cool reflective pearlescent stone of the necklace dangles between us and the diamonds glitter like those millions of stars that dome above us and my body burns for her, my heart races as much as Korra's and mind floats in pure bliss and those words of the song still echo over and over in my head, reminding me exactly of how beautiful what we have really is.

_«Shine bright like a diamond._

_Shine bright like a diamond._

_Shine bright like a diamond._

_Shine bright like a diamond._

_Shine bright like a diamond._

_Shine bright like a diamond._

_Shine bright like a diamond…»_

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

_(Author's Note: This turned out A LOT fluffier than I was planning. It also turned into an outlet for my own personal frustrations regarding the attitude of people around me concerning my own bisexuality so I'm sorry for that. Either way I hope Korrasami fans enjoy this.)_


	14. Track 14- Something Stupid

Track 14- Something Stupid

(Note: Lyrics will be in the form of Korra's thoughts and will be _italicized_.

Theme: Korra has broken up with Mako when their romantic spark burned out, now she's after someone else but that person is afraid of getting hurt again. (Post-Cannon)

Warnings: F/F

Song: 'Something Stupid' by Robbie Williams/Nicole Kidman)

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

I'm going to do it! It's a year and a half since the war, six months since I broke things off with Mako and I'm tired of waiting! I'm going to ask Asami out today!

Oh…Wait…Maybe she won't have time for me… She's a busy woman now that she has to run Future Industries all by herself and she does have plenty other suitors, male suitors at that, wanting dates and business acquaintances asking for meetings… I should probably wait.

_«I know I've to stand in line until you think you have the time to spend an evening with me…»_

No, I'm sick and tired of waiting and being a coward. I'm asking her out and that's it! In fact she's walking out of her office now and I've been pacing this corridor far too long so it's time to face her.

"Asami…?" Spirits be damned! Why does my voice have to shake right now? This is no different than any other day we hang out, the only change is…well, it's that we'd be alone together without Bolin and Mako tagging along.

"Korra? What are you doing here?" She smiles to me and it's so bright that I'm almost blinded by her beauty for a moment. Today she's wearing that lovely red skirt I like so much over black stockings and that tight wine and black coat shows off her curves just right while her hair floats around like the perfect mass of ebony curls that it is.

"I was waiting to talk to you actually." I play with the tip of my ponytail nervously as I watch her chuckle.

"You could have just come in, you know? You're the Avatar, you don't need to wait for anything." That tittering sound of her demure laugh makes me gulp and I'm sure my dusky skin must be blushing considerably already. Geez, I feel like such a…a…a girl!

"You seemed busy…" LAME! Couldn't I have come up with a better excuse for my cowardice? I could have just told her I hadn't been waiting long!

"Oh Korra, I always have time for you." She smiles sweetly again as moves closer until I can almost feel the heat from her body even though she's standing a perfectly polite distance. "So what do you want?"

"I…hm…I wanted to ask if you'd like to hang out with me…" I rub the back of my head self-consciously and look away. This harder than I thought, I'm making too much of a big deal out of it. "Just the two of us."

"That sounds like a lot of fun." Asami seems to be considering the possibilities. "Any ideas of where we could go?"

"Where would you suggest? You still know this city better than me." I smile politely, I actually don't know the first thing about date etiquette, especially when the partner is a female so I'm scared senseless.

"Well, there's a nice little dance hall I know off. We could try it, who knows, we might even see some cute guys there." She chuckles playfully and I keep smiling but inside of me something burns and not in the good sense.

_«And if we go some place to dance I know that there's a chance you won't be leaving with me…»_

No, nope, no thank you, sir. I'm not taking her anywhere were hunky dudes can steal her from me, I want her undivided attention.

"Er… I'm not much of a dancer. Any other thoughts?" I try to look apologetic but I think all that comes out is an awkward grimace.

"Well…" Asami pulls out the lovely little golden watch that hangs on a chain around her neck and pops it open. "It's almost dinner time anyway so why don't we go grab a bite?"

"Sure." I nod but something stops me. "Nothing too fancy, right?" I'd be too stiff, clumsy and rude in something like Kuang's so I really hope she's not expecting me to get prissy.

"Nah, how about Narook's? Bolin says you like it." She tilts her head with gentle patience.

"And do you like cheap Water Tribe noodles?" I actually laugh, it's hard to imagine Asami anywhere short of luxurious.

"Actually, I'm learning to like everything Water Tribe lately." That cryptic smile is driving me crazy and I almost want to smear that dark maroon lip-paint with my own lips by kissing her senseless right here. Spirits, I need to control myself.

"Well then, shall we?" I offer her my arm in mock gentlemanly politeness but she titters and takes it anyway as we walk down the stairs and out of her home since her office is still located in the Sato Manor.

I love riding a satomobile when Asami drives. She's so confident behind the wheel that I enjoy rushing through town with the wind in my air and the vehicle moving with precise control almost as much as I love watching the focused but relaxed air of happiness on her face as she moves those delicate slender hands over the wheel as if it were the body of a lover…Oh, for the love of Yue! I'm getting distracted with fantasies again.

Narook's Seaweed Noodlery is located in dark little alley, it looks cheap and shabby from the outside but once we pass that green door it's like coming home after a long time away. Then again, maybe it just feels like that to me because I'm from the Southern Water Tribe and everything about this place screams South Pole- from the yellow and blue decorations to the animal pelts with our symbols, from the smell of seaweed noodles and ice-berry pop to the warm welcome of the waiters. I'm glad Bolin showed me this place, it has become my favorite and I just adore the food.

We pick a little table as far away as possible from what we dubbed 'the Tahno corner', the guy isn't here today but just his posters hanging there make me feel uncomfortable, ever since I returned his bending he's been way too flirty with me and I don't really want to think about that when I'm with Asami. Luckily, our table is in a quiet little corner and Asami seems perfectly comfortable, shrugging off her jacket and hanging it on the back of the chair before she sits with her legs casually crossed, wearing only that lovely fringed black sleeveless top and her fingers tap the tabletop silently in time with the little tune that plays from some radio in the back.

I sit in from of her a little stiffly but when the waiter approaches us I have to grin because it's Narook himself and we're old buddies by now, being Southern Water Tribers and all, plus he knows what I like since I come her often with Bolin and his jokes always make me smile.

"Avatar Korra! Good evening." Narook beams and bows at me then turns to Asami who I think he's only seen around once or twice. "And the lovely Miss Sato. How are you this fine evening?"

"Hey, Narook." I greet him with familiarity and I'm almost ready to brag about prancing around with 'lovely Miss Sato' here.

"Hello, sir." Asami is as polite as ever. "This evening we are eager to enjoy some fine Water Tribe dinning in your fancy little establishment." She jokes but we can tell she means it, she's not being sarcastic in the least, and that just makes Narook even happier.

"Came to the right place, Miss." He holds out a note pad and a pencil. "What will it be, lovely ladies?"

I order because Asami insists that I chose for her and by the time the food comes we've been talking about trivialities like Pro-Bending and Bolin's new team, Future Industries' new private airships, my spiritual training and this singer that keeps popping on the radio. It's chit-chat and I'm happy and comfortable talking to her about anything but I'm so nervous that I'm not sure I'll be able to keep my food down.

She slurps at the noodles a little clumsily but she likes it and eats with obvious delight. As for me I can barely taste my excellent food because I'm distracted watching the way she sucks the strings of green noodles into those plump red lips. I'm sure I' blushing again but I force myself to swallow and eat as tidily as I can.

I think I'm naturally predisposed to rudeness, that must be it because I can't seem to keep my mouth shut about anything and I just burped out loudly from binging on berry pop. Bolin would have laughed and burped with me but I expect Asami to be appalled at my behavior and I turn as red as a Fire Nation banner because of it but she just laughs happily.

"Sorry…" I grin apologetically.

"No problem. I love it when you're yourself, Korra. You are the most entertaining and exciting person I know." Asami sips on her straw delicately, leaving a red lip print on it but her words melt me like butter.

"Well, I AM the Avatar. Exciting is my middle name." Or maybe my last name? Water Tribers don't have last names so I guess this city colloquialism doesn't quite apply to me.

"That's not the reason. I like plain brawny Korra just as much as I like Avatar Korra." By now Asami has stolen the very last piece of my heart, those words nearly make me shed a tear, that's how touched I am; it's hard to find anyone that can see past my title.

"Thanks, 'Sami. I like free-spirited hardcore Asami just as much as I like rich fancy Miss Sato too." Actually, I like Asami's real self a lot more than I like her rich businesswoman persona but with her it's all too interconnected to make the distinction and I love every little bit of her.

That's right- love. There, I said it. I am head over heels for Miss Asami Sato and don't care what anyone else thinks anymore… except the lady herself, of course, and that's why I can't stop fidgeting nervously.

When we finish our meal I have to rush to pay the tab or she will beat me to it. I know it's just pocket change for someone like her whereas I rarely have any money at all but I asked her out so I want to do this right even if it's silly and worthless in her eyes. Still, I like the look of amusement she gives me when I stick out my tongue cheekily and do a little victory dance for having beaten her to the bill.

"What shall we do now?" I ask as we slip outside, enjoying the warm summer night breeze.

"There's a little small bar a few blocks from here that I like, it's quiet and they serve Fire Nation liquor. It's kind of bootleg but we could try that?" She suggests, already slipping behind the wheel of the satomobile.

She has wanted to teach me how to drive and I have been tempted to say yes just to spend time with her but I'd rather just watch her drive than take the wheel myself….Oh wait, but I could exchange driving lessons for riding lessons on Naga, that's the perfect excuse to spend time with her AND snuggle close to her body on my cuddly polar bear dog. I'll have to suggest that.

_«Then afterwards we drop into a quiet little place and have a drink or two…»_

"Sure, sounds fun." My thoughts excited me but the truth is I'm terrible with booze. The few times I actually drank were for events and celebrations and that usually ends with me turning red, loud and doing something stupid but I want to indulge her and I could use a little liquid courage right now.

Chang's is really tiny cozy little corner bar and it's mostly empty tonight but we still squeeze into the most secluded little booth in the back since it's not really the best place for the Avatar and one of the richest women in town to be seen. The drinks Asami orders are crystal clear but dual toned in emerald and amber red and they come is strange little bubble glasses that look way to delicate for my untrained fingers but after the first gulp of spicy-sweet and slightly acidic drink that burns down my throat the world around me becomes me brighter and warmer and I'm pretty sure my cinnamon cheeks are turning rosy again.

"Like it?" Asami takes bold sips, looking completely unperturbed by the alcohol as she leans a little closer to me.

"Actually yeah." I giggle, it's silly girly little sound but after half a glass I can't stop even if it's embarrassing me.

Turns out my giggles are infectious and in a few minutes she's giggling with me and we make jokes about the stupidest things and even sing popular songs with funny misheard lyrics until we've drained six glasses of the strong stuff, even though only two of those were mine.

"I do wonder what happened to Masky McDouche-Face." I giggle, speaking about Amon in the only way I can to keep the anger, pity and fear away- with jokes. Asami accidentally brought up the subject and I don't even know how we stumbled on the topic because my head is spinning a little.

"Ran off with his tail between his legs after you kicked his ass." Asami sniggers and speaks with a tone of rude bold defiance that I didn't know she had but it makes me laugh. She's not drunk at all, she just seems to be happy, relaxed and going with flow.

"Damn right!" I lean to her conspiratorially and whisper in her ear. "But if you ask me he really was 'frigging hot under that mask."

Asami laughs so hard that she's holding her sides with one arm but she wraps the other around my shoulders in an awkward hug that makes me tingle wherever she touches me.

"I wish I had seen that!" She tips her head until it's leaning against mine and I can smell jasmine in her hair. "Korra, you really are the best company."

"We should do this more often." I suggest hopefully and giddily.

"We will." Asami takes another sip of the drink and I feel that I should talk to her before I lose my courage.

"Asami… There's actually a reason I asked you out." I mumbled the words into my glass as I take another sip but her arm is still around me and it feels so good that I relax through the nerves.

"Oh? And what's that, Korra?" She smiles good-humoredly and tilts her head to look at me.

"I love you." I blurt out the words before I can even control myself. STUPID BRAIN! I need to install a filter between my mind and my mouth before I say any more idiotic things…Damn it, why did I drink so much?!

_«And then I go and spoil it all _

_By saying something stupid _

_Like 'I love you'.»_

Asami's face fell all of the sudden and her arm slowly falls from my shoulder until she's staring at me with her brows just slightly pinched and her mouth flat, it's like she's trying to determine whether I'm joking or not and at the same time she looks…scared or maybe upset is the better word.

_«I can see it in your eyes-_

_you still despise the same old lies_

_you heard that night before...»_

I know what's eating her, I really do because I went through the same thing. It's Mako.

I like Mako, he's like family now but there was a time when things were more complicated. Mako had Asami and he told her he loved her but then he had me and our romance bloomed behind Asami's back, or actually it was right in her face, but Asami handled it like a queen and even though Mako broke her heart for me she still remained friends with us. The problem was- after Mako and I realized that out spark really was like fire in the sense that it was hot and passionate but burned out fast we drifted apart romantically and before we knew it we were just friends again and the main reason was because I had fallen in love, and I mean really in love, with Asami and he knew it.

Mako found my crush sweet and endearing but he told me not to keep my hopes up because she didn't trust love anymore, not after Mako and not after her dad lied to her for years, and she was a girl like me after all…Well, I don't really care what he says anymore.

"Korra…" Asami looks a little taken aback but sighs distantly, trying to make a joke out of it. "What does that even mean? You're drunk, little Avatar."

_«And though it's just a line to you for me it's true, _

_it's never seemed so right before.»_

I can tell what she's thinking, she thinks I'm just saying that in the spur of the moment and I am but I really do mean it and I wish she'd see that…Then again I'm terrified that if I push her she'll never want to see me again.

"Huh…I guess I am." I admit with a grimace. "Maybe we should go?"

"Sure." She seems to relax again and smiles caringly. "Want a ride back to the island or do you want to spend the night at my place?"

Oh sweet baby seals! Does she even know what she does to me when she says things like that? What am I supposed to say? 'Yes, Asami, I want to spend every darned night at YOUR place! In YOUR bed! With YOU!'?

Ah geez, I need to get a hold of myself and leave before I do any other stupid things but I just can't waste this shot, I need to stay close to her and it's the first time I've been invited to stay over with her without the airbender kids or any of the others in the way.

"I don't think Tenzin would find it funny if I showed up drunk… Can I stay at your place, please?" I think I just stumbled all over the words and my face is flaming but she just smiles and nods.

"Sure thing, Korra."

The ride back home is actually pretty quiet because Asami is focused on the road just to be sure that the drinks really aren't affecting her and I'm pretending to be way drunker than I am because I need to think before I blurt out any other stupid things. How did this happen?

_«I practice every day to find some clever lines to say _

_to make the meaning come true…»_

I've practicing exactly what to say to her for days, I'm been fantasizing and planning, trying to find just the right way to convey my feelings but then I go and ruin it all by blurting stuff out like that! And in public! Oh Spirits, I feel so embarrassed… But it's not in my nature to quit so easily, maybe I need to change tactics, maybe I just need a more private setting where we're comfortable.

_«…But then I think I'll wait until the evening gets late _

_and I'm alone with you.»_

Yes, that's the best idea I have right now- I'll wait until we're at her house, I'll wait until it's way too late so we're alone and she won't kick me out and then I'll try to find a way to…to…to what? To blurt out the words again? To kiss her like I did with Mako? I have to figure something out.

"We're here, Korra." Asami taps my shoulder, startling me out of my troubled thoughts so much that I practically fall onto the floor of the satomobile, making her giggle before she opens the door for me and leads me inside.

"Thanks for this, 'Sami." I grin as I plop on the couch of her parlor room. It's deep maroon and so fluffy that I could probably doze off her if I wasn't so damn nervous. I'm still dizzy though and I find myself tripping onto the floor again when I try to reach one of the minty chocolaty things she keeps on her coffee table by stretching acrobatically without actually getting up from the sofa.

"You're an amusing drunk, you know that Korra?" Asami titters again and sits on the couch, pulling me up by my muscled forearms.

"Well then, I guess it's worth feeling so dizzy so long as you find it amusing, Miss Sato." I beam, sounding overly girly again but I use the excuse to slip onto her when I'm back on the couch so my head is in her lap, her hands on my messy hair are a gift I couldn't have dreamt of.

"Silly Korra." She smiles and pokes my cheek with a perfectly manicured finger. It's amazing how she keeps her hands and nails so pretty when she's so often in the factory or messing around with the mechanics. "Good thing you didn't go back to the temple, though. If you can't even stay balanced on my sofa I fear what all those stairs would have done to you."

"Yeah, you're my savior, baby." I wanted it to be a joke but I think the words I mumbled into her skirt came out too flirtatious and adoring.

"Korra…" Her voice fades vaguely until all I see is black.

I wake up some time later. I don't know how long I was out but it seems like minutes and Asami's lap is still my pillow while she reads a book quietly, a soft tune plays on her radio and I can see the stars right in front of me from the window that faces us, it must be really late.

"Did I fall asleep?" I sit up gingerly, rubbing my temple. I feel more lucid but still pretty woozy.

"Just for little over an hour. I was about to wake you, actually." She puts down the book and watches me quietly. Did she really not move for a whole hour just to avoid disturbing me? I would have gone stir crazy.

"You were?" I blink away the sleep from my eyes quickly.

"Yes, the tea is getting cold." She points at two warm cups of red tea on the coffee table. "It's pretty late so the staff is gone for the night but I asked the maid to make some before she left."

"Oh, you didn't have to…" I feel a little awkward now but I accept the cup she offers me and sip it with gratitude. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. It's a special blend, it should clear up the wooziness." She winks conspiratorially and sips from her own cup.

"Nice." I smile a little skeptically but it's true that my stomach is settling and my head is clearing already plus my nerves have calmed, turns out the tea did more than the alcohol ever could.

After several long minutes of companionable silence listening to the melancholic voice of the singer on the radio I'm starting to feel restless again, my teacup is almost empty and when I glance at hers I see that it is almost drained too with a lovely red print of her lips on the edge.

"I always liked that color on you." I let my thoughts slip out as I stare at her cup. "It's sexy." She looks down too and smiles when she understands what I mean.

"Thanks, Korra." Asami moves a little closer, too close for my racing heart, and leans a little to look at my face, thinking about who knows what. "I don't think I ever saw you wear any make up, not even at the galas, but you know, I think you'd look lovely with some of the things I have upstairs."

"I'm not a very make-up inclined girl." I chuckle at the understatement, trying to quiet my drumming heart before it cracks my ribs. "You really think I'd look good?"

"Definitely." She leans even closer, until I'm swallowing a lump of anxiety in my throat but she's staring at my eyes with that hypnotic jade gaze of hers that makes my head spin more than booze. "You have such long pretty eyelashes… I have this gold eye-shadow that would look stunning on those striking blue eyes."

"R-Really?" I choke a little, not really paying much attention to her words because my cheeks are hot and she's close enough that I can taste her breath on my lips.

"Uh-uh." She nods and traces my lower lip lightly with her thumb. "And if you like this maroon lip-paint of mine, I actually think it would look good on you too."

_«The time is right ,_

_Your perfume fills my head,_

_The stars get red_

_And, oh, the night's so blue…»_

My gaze flicks down to her lips and then shyly out the window, those lips look so plump, glossy and kissable… I can smell the jasmine of her hair like it's wrapping all around me, the stars that twinkle through the window are blurring into red because all I think about is that crimson mouth…and the way she spoke about my blue eyes still echoes in my head, she hummed the words and looked into my gaze as if staring at the summer sky.

I can't take it anymore. She's driving me crazy and no moment will ever be more perfect than this one.

"Can I try it on?" I grin, Asami looks adorably clueless as to my intentions.

"The lip-paint? Sure, Korra." Asami seems a little surprised.

That's when I do it- I kiss her, softly at first but then deeper with all the love that has been bubbling up in my chest until now. She's shocked but I'm the stunned one when I feel her relax and kiss back gently; I cup her face in my hands and mold our lips together, letting my tongue slip past her lips to tease her in a little playful dance and I'm sure all that lip color is smeared on both of us by now.

At last I relent a little, breaking the breathless kiss, smirking smugly and victorious as I back away slightly and rub a little of the red from the corner of my mouth while I examine her shocked dazed expression.

"Well? Does it look good on me?" I tease with a provocative wide smile and move just enough to overwhelm her, watching slip back on the couch until I'm almost over her, looking at those pretty jade eyes in search for some sign.

"It…I…Ah…" Asami is blushing, she's flustered and stumbling on her words for the first time ever with me, I feel empowered by that reaction. "Y-yeah… It looks hot."

"We match now." I murmur, coming even closer. My nose is almost touching hers. "I kinda like that."

"I…" Asami is the one swallowing her nerves now. "I like that too." She kisses me this time, slowly, tentatively and almost by instinct.

I kiss back and before I know it she's sprawled on the couch with her hair spilling like black water around her, I'm pinning her down with my body, our curves mold perfectly together so I can feel the heat of her pale skin, the slope of her supple breasts crushing to my bouncy mounds, the way her leg bends slowly and wraps around my hip to give me more space to nestle between her thighs and I'm lacing my fingers with hers, holding her hands down as we kiss deeper and with equal passion this time.

By the time the kiss breaks, we are both gasping for air, rosy cheeked and with heavy-lidded eyes, looking lustful and tuned perfectly to each other. I'm ecstatic, her reaction is better than I ever expected and it's a dream come true, it's my happiest fantasy come to life, now all I have to do is…

_«And then I go and spoil it all _

_By saying something stupid _

_Like 'I love you'.»_

"I really do love you, Asami." Damn it! It slipped out again in the heat of passion, I'm afraid she's going to freak out now.

"Are you still drunk?" She gives me a little suspicious glance but doesn't try to push me away.

"Nope." I shake my head with a sigh, well might as well lay out the Pai Sho tiles and say it all. "I've been thinking of the right way to tell you for weeks, it's been eating me up… But I mean it, I mean every word whether you trust me or not- I love you, Asami." It's my last desperate move so I just hope she can feel my honesty.

"Korra, I always trusted you, I was just upset that you had to say that while drunk because…"

"Because?" I urge her on when she falters.

"Because I really wanted you to mean it and it would hurt if it was just a drunken joke… And I've been hurt by lies too much before." Asami avoids my gaze and looks out at the stars.

"Asami…" I let go of her hand long enough to make her tilt her head and look at me, I can see the vulnerability and sorrow in her face and wrenches my heart.

_«The time is right ,_

_Your perfume fills my head,_

_The stars get red_

_And, oh, the night's so blue…»_

She's overwhelming me again but this time the tingle of excitement that makes my heart race is welcome and the flood of warm sensations that awake every nerve of my body feel delectably right for a change- no shame, no fear, just hope, lust and love.

I kiss her so hard that we're crushed together and I'm sure ever curve of her body, the silky touch of every strand of her hair and the sweetness of her lips will be forever imprinted on my body. Her hands snake up around my back, keeping me close with passion and every touch of her fingers marks my skin like a burn, her jasmine scent drowns me and the bittersweet taste of chocolate, tea and alcohol that lingers in her mouth is the most refreshing thing ever.

_«And then I go and spoil it all _

_By saying something stupid _

_Like 'I love you'.»_

"I really do love you." I whisper adoringly into her lips, refusing to so much as look away from her, wanting everything, even to breathe the same air as her. "I mean it with all my heart."

"Korra…" The trouble look eases up and she smiles tenderly at last. I love how my name sounds on her lips, her delicate voice makes it sound exotic, foreign and utterly beautiful, arousing even. "I love you."

That's all I needed to hear. I kiss her again but this time I won't stop there, I'll do things to her that will ensure she never forgets my touch, I'll learn everything about every corner of her body, I'll touch her until she's addicted to me. I'll love her until we're one and I won't ever let her go but even as we kiss and slip off each other's clothes I can still hear her beautiful voice echoing those magical words in my head…

_«I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you…»_


	15. Track 15- One More Night

Track 15- One More Night

(Note: Narrated lyrics (aka thought by either of them) will be _italicized_, Amon's lyrics will be **bold** and between "" when spoken and «» when thought, same applies to Korra though her lyrics will be underlined.

Also, Korra is NOT yet aware that Amon is a waterbender/bloodbender in this.

Theme: On the brink of the Equalist War, two mortal enemies continuously sneak out to meet in secret- when they are alone they are not nemesis, they are just themselves and they don't care about the rest. It can't last, they know it, but they can't stop. (Non-Cannon)

Warnings: Total Smut, you've been warned!

Song: 'One More Night' by Maroon 5)

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

She's the one waiting this time, it's usually the other way around because not only is she always late, she's also always the one that calls for him, not this time though, it's been a whole week and this time he called her.

She's wearing a cobalt blue dress-tunic, a fluffy white scarf and her usual cerulean slacks, her hair is let down in a loose side-braid and she's wearing dark plum eye-shadow and maroon lipstick that she borrowed from Asami, it all makes her look like someone else, someone completely unlike her, someone girly and older, but then again that's exactly the point, isn't it?

She leans against the brick wall of that shady back alley behind the tiny fisherman's tavern that is always filled with rowdy drunkards, still waiting impatiently among the shadows with only the prowling stray cats for company as the moon casts its eerie silver glow over the city thanks the first break from the rain they've had in weeks.

"Hey, pretty lady! You looking for company?" One of the many drunkards that have just stumbled out of the tavern stares at her with bloodshot dark blue eyes.

"Get lost." She snaps harshly enough to make the lanky man flinch.

"Aw, c'mon baby, don't be cold. There's a war coming, didn't 'ya hear? We could all die soon, so why not have a lil' fun now?" He edges closer with two curious buddies trailing closely behind, the smell of cheap ale and opium smoke clutters the air around the three men and she sighs with irritation.

"I said…"

"I believe the lady told you to get lost." A new voice interrupts her and it's him, she doesn't even have to turn to know it but she does anyway, giving him a 'you're late' glare.

"Scram, buddy. We got here first." The drunkard tries to lean to her but the rain puddles on the ground come to life and freeze all three men's feet down at her command, like hell she'd let those grubby hands touch her.

"Come." The man that just arrived sounds displeased but waves for her to follow.

"Hey! You can't leave us here like this!" One of the drunken men shouts out angrily but she doesn't really care, they should have heard her warning right from the start.

They walk down the shady streets just outside the western harbor of Republic City, the roads are mostly empty but not too empty as to be conspicuous, many couple loiter around heading for the entertainments of the nightlife such as bootleg bars and jazz clubs that litter this side of town. Once they are well out of earshot of anyone that might care to eavesdrop, the silence is broken.

"You didn't have to waterbend, Korra." He admonishes under his breath.

"I did warn them to go away and I didn't hurt anyone, Noatak. So get off my case." She's annoyed, she doesn't like talking about these things when they're alone, hadn't they agreed not to touch that subject?

"One of these days you won't have your bending for every little thing, Avatar." He snaps out irritably.

"Is that a threat, Amon?" She smirks conceitedly, crossing her arms in defiance.

"We agreed you wouldn't call me that when we're alone." He points out sharply.

"And we also agreed we wouldn't talk about bending or politics." She retorts angrily.

"Fine." He concedes reluctantly.

"Fine." She mimics cheekily.

They really don't know why they keep doing this, they know they shouldn't, they know it's wrong and incredibly stupid but here they are- walking down grimy streets until they reach that dingy old cabin by the sea that looks completely abandoned but on the inside it's just another hideout that only they know about.

They walk inside and lock the door and Korra makes herself at home immediately, kicking off her boots, tossing her white scarf on the floor and sitting on the table in the middle of the room as she watches him slip the hood of his deep blue Water Tribe coat back, revealing that handsome face that only a couple of living people have ever seen. She loves the sight of him unmasked and she hates that he has to be who he is.

"So why did you call me? I thought you said you never wanted to see me alone again." Korra smirks smugly once more, leaning back with her hands on the table top so her chest juts out proudly and a bit too provocatively with the v-neck cut of the dress showing a bit too much cleavage for Water Tribe modesty. He can't help but stare- she's just too beautiful in her own impetuous way.

"Perhaps if you hadn't broken our agreement and nearly let my name slip to the councilman I wouldn't have had to call you. Just what was going through that hollow head of yours?" Noatak stands in that annoying perfectly straight commanding pose of his with hands crossed behind his back.

"I missed you to." She snickers in reply.

"You are aware of the consequences for playing games with me, aren't you, Avatar?" His voice is dark and menacing but deep down he knew that her little slip-ups weren't serious, she was too honorable to give him away, she was just messing with him for attention and right now that was as good an excuse as any to see her alone but he would never admit it.

"Yeah, yeah." She waves the matter away sassily. "Chi-blocking, torture, equalizing and all that jazz." She didn't care, as much as she feared him when the mask was on she knew, they both knew, that he would never hurt her when they were alone, he would never betray her that way. Not to mention that _Amon_ still needed her whole for a while longer.

"You're underestimating me." Noatak's eyes narrow with irritation at her reaction.

"And you're breaking our agreement by bringing this up." She crosses her legs and yawns in fake boredom.

"The agreement doesn't apply, I'm here to break it up after all."

"No, you're not." Korra hops off the table and moves to him with her hands on her swaying hips, he always tries this, he is always resisting. "Come now, Noatak. Can't we just… Can't we forget about everything else and just be human for a little bit?" She looks up at him with those big youthful blue eyes that he likes so much.

"Why must you keep doing this to me, woman?" He tries to back away from her. "We're enemies."

"Not in here, we're not." Korra doesn't let him escape, she has him pressed to the wall before he realizes what's happening and she's leaning to him, her body just a little bit too close.

"We're not meant to be." Noatak's voice is harsh but his hands have unconsciously sneaked up to her waist. "I'm twice your age. We're absolute opposites."

"Who cares?" Korra stands on tip-toes and kisses him impulsively and passionately, not caring that she's smudging the maroon lip-pain all over her mouth as her lips mash to his.

**"You and I go hard at each other**

**Like we're going to war."**

Noatak kisses back hard and far too roughly, this is no delicate flower in his arms, this is a woman stronger than most of humanity and he knows she likes it when he crushes her to him and bites her lips open, dominating the kiss with his tongue dueling hers as her arms snake greedily around his neck.

The irony is- they are violent in these private moments to let out all their frustration at each other but it doesn't compare to the war raging between them in public, the war in which they will have to face each other sooner or later and only one might be able to walk out alive.

"You and I go rough,

We keep throwing things and slamming the door."

Korra pulls off his coat and throws it aside, the black shirt beneath fits deliciously like a second skin on him but she plans to get rid of it soon too, she helps him pull off her dress and toss it on the floor angrily until she's just in her slacks, chest wrappings and bracelets. She kisses him again, furiously and hungrily, before he can start having second thoughts and her legs wrap around his waist as he picks her up and carries her into the only room of the cabin, slamming the door shut before her back bangs into it when he pins her there, never once stopping the aggressive bruising kisses between them.

"We can't keep doing this, Korra." Noatak whispers intensely into her lips as his hands fumble with the wrappings around her chest. "How many times have we agreed to stop?"

"You and I get so damn dysfunctional,

We stopped keeping score."

Korra murmurs the reply into his ear as she leaves a trail of red kisses down his neck and the bandages that hide her breasts suddenly fall to her waist clumsily, revealing the generous supple mounds to the gloomy half-light of the only lamp in the room.

**"You and I get sick…"**

"Yeah, I know that we can't do this no more."

She interrupts him because already knows this tune, he says the same thing and he tries to rebuff her every damn time, sometimes he even leaves her hanging but she won't let it kill the mood today, not when she's feeling so lonely and especially not when she's already half naked in his arms. Korra's hands slip under his shirt, caressing the taut lines of his abdomen and chest with the tips of her slender fingers as she kisses him again, this time with a little less force and a lot more passion.

"Korra…" That tender kissing is shaking his resolve again but he can't help but kiss back, pressing even closer to her and loving the sensation of her warm hands all over his skin. "We really can't…"

"Please, Noatak…" Korra whimpers, hating how her voice is faltering.

"But…" He begins but she interrupts him again.

"Don't leave me tonight." She pleads with so much need that he can see that something is different that night, she really doesn't want to be alone.

**«But, baby, there you go again,**

**There you go again,**

**Making me love you.»**

Noatak grits his teeth at the thoughts and emotions that haunt him at that moment but he sighs in defeat and nods.

Korra immediately kisses him again, her hands burry in his coffee-colored hair as her lips mold perfectly to his in a ferocious passionate kiss that is all gnashing teeth, plundering dueling tongues and mingled saliva.

**«Yeah, I stop using my head,**

**Using my head,**

**Let it all go.»**

It's the only way for him to do this without going insane, he shoves his rational mind aside and tries to focus only on the beautiful woman in his arms even as she pushes him back and he stumbles blindly onto the bed with Korra breaking her wild kisses only long enough to pull off his shirt.

**«Got you stuck on my body,**

**On my body,**

**Like a tattoo.»**

Once the garment is off she practically grinds down to him, she's always been enthusiastic but today she's being even more forceful than usual and the way she crushes her breasts to his chest while kissing him over and over again, gluing as much of her skin to his as possible just shows how much she wants him, him of all people; the woman who could have any man with a snap of her fingers is crawling all over her biggest enemy.

Korra kisses down his neck again and her hands trail down his sides to hook her fingers on the edge of his pants as she nips across his shoulder, by now she knows exactly what makes him tick and he can't resist running his hands down her smooth flawless back, wondering when exactly things changed- when had this gone from simple manipulation to passion? When had their relationship escalated so much?

It all started with him trying to seduce and get close to her for information and tactical advantage and she was naïve enough to fall for it but at some point she grew on him, at some point she started to be the one doing the seducing and that little dance culminated when she discovered his identity and confronted him- that had gone totally awry. It was supposed to be a fight but before they knew it he had pinned to a wall in some deserted little dead-end of an alley amid passionate kisses, he had been forceful, he had tried to scare her off because by then he realized that he didn't want to have to hurt her even if he told himself that he was just doing it because he still needed her for his plans of the revolution and yet she had shocked him by responding with equal angry passion…

That night had been the first of many and their dysfunctional double life had fallen into a dangerous routine that he continuously tried to break and yet never could, whenever she called he appeared no matter how enraged he became at himself for it- just like tonight.

**«And now I'm feeling stupid,**

**Feeling stupid,**

**Crawling back to you.»**

Noatak thinks to himself, closing his eyes and swallowing his own self-hatred and shame as Korra kisses his chest and tugs off his pants swiftly but she notices his little internal struggle, she's much more perceptive than he ever gave her credit for and the only reason why she's not having the same doubts right now is because she's a genius at living in the moment.

"Noatak, stop brooding." She straddles his hips, grinning shamelessly with her lovely firm breasts hanging heavily right in front of him and red lip-paint smudged and faded all over her delicious swollen lips. "It kills the mood." She snickers and plants a deep, slow breathtaking kiss on his lips and his hands slip up her waist.

"Alright but this is wrong, we both know that." Noatak murmurs into her lips and deftly unties the sash that holds her slacks up.

"So…?" She chuckles and arches away from him just enough to wiggle the garment off.

**«So I cross my heart and I hope to die,**

**That I'll only stay with you **

**One more night.»**

Even though he's swearing that this is the last time, it tastes like a lie in his tongue and he's all too eager to pull her close to him once again.

"Right, right." She nods dismissively and leans in for another kiss, even she doesn't believe it.

**«And I know I said it a million times**

**But I'll only stay with you one more night.»**

He tries to make her understand that he really means it and for a split second Korra actually looks sorrowful and nods in agreement, yet it doesn't last and soon she's all over him again, lacing her fingers with his and kissing seductively down his chest, planting fading red blotches down his ribs to his abdomen.

He's crumbling to her, he's already lost his precious self-control since Korra seems to be the only one that can make him loose his cool and right now he's letting her win, he doesn't want it to be like this and that infuriates him, he wants to do this his way and he wants her to understand that it really is the last time but he can't resist, he's weak to her and he'll do anything to just to see her happy one last night.

**«Try to tell you no**

**But my body keeps on telling you yes…»**

As Korra reaches his underpants, grinding her soft breasts to the bulge on his crotch while she plants kisses around his navel and slips her fingers into the garment, he wants to push her back, he wants to take control once and for all but he can't hide the reactions of his body and rather than resist he melts to her touch, murmuring her name under his breath as he watches her pull off the last piece of his clothing.

Korra's gentle hands, hands of a healer apparently, wrap around his hard shaft, exploring and caressing quietly, the delicate touch sends sparks up his spine but she doesn't stop there, her tongue slips out to lap around the head of his cock before her lips engulf the velvety skin, suctioning slowly and teasingly to rip a groan from his throat. She starts taking more and more of him into her mouth, suckling and moving in time with the pumping motions of her hands until his own powerful hands burry in her hair, pulling it out of the loose braid and wrapping it around his fingers so he can control her and guide her speed.

Noatak's breath is shaky but he keeps staring at her with penetrating eyes, she's looking up at him through her long dark lashes and she seems to like what she's seeing because she practically purrs with delight and sucks harder as he forces her to pick up the pace.

The sensations are excruciatingly powerful and too much to resist, he stops her just in time and pulls her up, rolling over her body determined to take control but Korra won't have it, she kisses him again with aggression and wraps her arms and legs around him, pulling him in.

**«Try to tell you stop**

**But your lipstick got me so out of breath…»**

Truth be told, the lip-paint is long gone, smeared all over his body but her lips are stealing all the breath from his lungs and it's the perfect excuse to stop resisting once and for all.

Noatak pours his frustration and passion into the kiss, practically biting her lips and sucking her mischievous tongue into his mouth as his hands grab her breasts, kneading into them to make her moan and making sure she'll still feel his bruising touch in the morning. He breaks the wet kiss among pants and moves to bite her ear.

"You never learn, do you?" Noatak whispers angrily as his teeth trace down to neck, biting again and tugging the skin before he begins to kiss to her shoulder.

"Neither do you." Her response his cryptic but she can't stop arching to him for more, hissing with pain and pleasure whenever he places one of those ferocious bites on her flesh. She's long since learned that this shouldn't happen, that she shouldn't enjoy this, that she shouldn't tease him but he doesn't seem to understand that she just doesn't care how much it will hurt later.

His kisses roll down to her chest and he bites angrily into the tender slopes of her breasts until she's gasping out and sinking her nails in his scalp, pulling his hair as he marks her with groping fingers of one hand and harsh teeth. Noatak's free hand travels down her body, pushing away the damp Water Tribe undergarments she wears before he forces her thighs apart with his knee, his fingers slip past the slick folds of her sex and since neither of them is a person for gentle caresses he wastes no time in violating her cunt with his prodding fingers while his lips find a nipple to suck and roll on his tongue and tug with those pearly teeth; all she can do his arch her back and beg for more as loudly as her smoky voice allows.

His fingers curl, reaching spots in inside her that make her toes curl with sensation and he continues to tease her, pumping those digits in her with a thumb rolling around her clit until she clinging to his hair for dear life and right on the edge of climaxing. He's vicious and aggressive but he makes it last, he won't let this end that quickly and every time she reaches the point where she's just about to tip over the edge he stops, ignoring her disappointed groans and planting more bite marks all over those delectable breasts and shoulders. When he's done playing around she's reduced to an oversensitive mess of sensation on the brink of going insane.

"You really are such vulgar debased Avatar." Noatak murmurs in her ear with spite as he licks his honeyed fingers, savoring the bittersweet flavor of her abundant arousal and watching her blush furiously at the sight. "If only the world could see you now."

"Shut up and fuck me, Noatak." Korra snaps at him with a husky voice that mixes irritation and lustful passion. Just to rattle his cage further she pulls his fingers out of his mouth and into hers, sucking and rolling her tongue between each digit regardless of the flavor of herself and his saliva.

"Hm." He makes an unwilling sound of agreement, trying to remain irate and determined even when his eyes blaze with lust and every cell in his body begs for her.

**"I'll be waking up in the morning**

**Probably hating myself."**

Noatak growls out the words as forces her thighs apart with a bruising grip on her flesh as he lifts her legs, forcing her to arch to him. He knows he'll hate himself for sharing such passion with the woman who represents everything he's supposed to be against but he wants this anyway.

"And I'll be waking up

Feeling satisfied but guilty as hell."

Korra replies without regret, she already knows she'll feel guilty for betraying all she is, all the people that mean the world to her, by sleeping with the enemy but that is still a whole night away and right now she's enjoying herself and wants a lot more while her body is still tingly and buzzing with unfulfilled lust.

Noatak doesn't know what to say to that so instead he acts. He slams his painfully hard cock all the way inside her drenched core without a second thought and Korra practically bucks up to him, gasping out with pleasure and fisting her hands on the raggedy bedding as he begins to pound into her at slow but intensely rough pace, his fingers dig into the smooth cinnamon skin of her thighs as he pushes her down, watching her chestnut hair cascade all around her while her pretty young face twists with pleasure so visceral that borders on pain. And yet, her adoring half-lidded sapphire eyes never look away from him as if looking into his soul and mirroring emotions that she shouldn't feel for him but they both know she does and that wrenches something in his cold thawing heart.

**«But baby, there you go again,**

**There you go again,**

**Making me love you…**

**Yeah, I stop using my head,**

**Using my head,**

**Let it all go.»**

Why does she have to look at him like that? Why does she have to make him feel those things for her? He doesn't want to love her but he can't help it anymore and to make things worse he still hates her too, or at least he hates everything she is and those mixed feelings drive him insane until his mind just disconnects from the reality of things; maybe he should just be like her and live in the moment, trying to ignore who they really are whenever they are together.

Noatak lets go of her legs and pulls her up so she's straddling his sitting form, Korra doesn't waste any time and kisses him with breathtaking force, molding their bodies together like puzzle pieces as she rolls her hips sensually, moving with him until their bodies are glued together and undulating hungrily to each other like waves crashing ashore.

_«Got you stuck on my body,_

_On my body,_

_Like a tattoo…»_

Noatak's hands grope her rear, then they glide up her back to pull roughly at her hair until he's pulling her away from the kiss, forcing her to tilt her head back, exposing her neck and breasts to his kisses and bites as her nails drag up his shoulders and her fingers tug into his hair.

Korra is enjoying this and he can tell, she fails utterly at hiding her emotions and right now she's moaning loudly under his ministrations and begging for more, pleading that he take her harder, faster, and he responds automatically, pushing her back onto the bed with his own body without a second thought as crawls over her, pinning her hands above her head and ramming his cock into her cunt at full force, just like she asked, picking up the pace just to watch her face break into a mask of pure lust and lecherousness as her eyes screw shut and she practically screams with each thrust.

He loves to hear her scream, he loves to be the one that makes her scream, it fuels his instinctive desires and soon his rhythm is frantic and uncontrolled; he lets go of her arms long enough to cup her face and order her to open those lovely eyes, he wants to see the look in them when she crumbles and he knows that her sensitive body is right on the edge again so it won't be long before he gets to see her break.

Korra's nails scratch all over his back as she fights for little bit of steadiness against his punishing pace but her eyes pop open and stare at him, his groans of pleasure drive her just as insane as anything he could possibly do to her body. Suddenly something inside just breaks, some intangible dam cracks wide open and the pleasure spirals out of control as she climaxes, screaming something suspiciously similar to his name with her nails digging deep enough in his shoulders to draw blood and her legs wrapping tightly around his waist as she shakes out of control and fluids practically gush from her tight heated cunt.

There it is- that exquisite expression of submission and animal pleasure on her face as she tries to catch her breath again after a mind-numbing orgasm. That look is one of the main reasons he keeps coming back, all the adoration in it inflates his ego more than any crowd of loyal equalists ever could.

Noatak has to slow the pace so she slowly falls down from that high but he's not done with her yet, this is far from over, he plans to make her scream until she passes out, he wants to see her that expression over and over before dawn arrives to tear them apart.

**«And now I'm feeling stupid,**

**Feeling stupid,**

**Crawling back to you.**

**So I cross my heart and I hope to die,**

**That I'll only stay with you **

**One more night.»**

Some little rational corner of Noatak's mind reminds him of the oath he made earlier and it nearly spoils the moment but he takes it as a way to make sure they'll enjoy that night to the fullest, rather than letting it fill him with loathing again.

**"And I know I said it a million times**

**But I'll only stay with you one more night."**

He whispers in her ear and the sound of his deep rusty voice, more than the words he says, sends shivers up her trembling body.

Korra pants for air but her shaky hands grab him just as tightly as her legs around his waist and she gathers what strength she can to roll them until he is on his back and she's straddling his hips and kissing him again.

"Yeah baby, give me one more night…"

Korra murmurs into his lips and that dance of passion starts again when she begins to move her numb hips, ridding him at a steady but harsh rhythm, the position makes him reach corners inside her body that she almost forgot she had and make her see sparks in the overly aroused state she's in, it's absolutely delicious and just this side off too much to handle.

**«Yeah baby, give me one more night…**

**Yeah baby, give me one more night…»**

Her words echoed in Noatak's brain as he watches her, fascinated by the stunning wanton creature that throws her head back causing chestnut locks to fly as she bounces over his body. His hands grip her hips to control the erratic pace and his breath is harsh and ragged as her dripping cunt practically sucks up his cock with intense friction that makes his insides quiver from the sensation, they really are a phenomenal fit physically, even if in everything else they are on opposite sides of the scale.

The look in Noatak's face is almost as perfect to Korra as hers was to him- that hard handsome face might be miles away when he hid under a mask but right now he is staring at her in worship, those pale icy blue eyes are piercing right through her and the half-grimace half-smirk that paints his features that very moment makes her tremble, but she wants more, she wants what he does- she wants to see him break under her ministrations, she wants that perfect expression of ultimate pleasure.

"Baby, there you go again,

There you go again,

Making me love you."

Korra voices his own thoughts in a breathless husky tone and the words are like fire bursting in his chest- how can possibly say that? How can she possibly admit out loud that she feels such things for the man that swore to destroy her?

"Have you lost your mind, Korra?" He groans out the words between pants because she won't stop, instead her pace becomes rushed and more intense, probably ridding him harder than she rides that polar bear dog of hers. "Do you even know what you're saying?"

"Yeah, I stop using my head,

Using my head,

Let it all go."

Her reply is almost nonchalant but she leans forward, changing the angle and licking provocatively up his chest with her eyes never leaving his face and her intense rhythm never pausing, she can tell he's trying to hold back but she will break him sooner rather than later.

"You don't love me." Noatak argues with his fingers digging harshly into her thighs for some little shred of control.

"Got you stuck on my body,

On my body,

Like a tattoo."

She retorts huskily and bites into his shoulder just like he is so fond of doing to her- it makes him hiss and shudder from head to toe.

"That's not love." He pants out, eyes fluttering shut. "It's just sex."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah…"

The sarcasm in her teasing voice is as obvious as the moon, then again how could it not be when even he doesn't believe his own words?

Korra chuckles when he lacks any reply but the laughter fades into a loud moan as the sensations cloud her head all over again, she can't stop moving, her hips and thighs are going numb but she can't stop the wild pace that drives them both insane.

"Let go, Noatak." She demands huskily, tired of his stubbornness.

It isn't the order, it's the way she purrs out his name that makes him loose it. Noatak's hands grip her hips so cruelly that they are sure ten finger shaped bruises will bracket her skin in no time and he fucks hard up into her, groaning between gritted teeth as he that spring of sensation that he's been trying to repress finally snaps under pressure, tightening everything inside him and making his vision go white as his essence shoots right into her willing body. That wasn't in the plan, it's a stupid move, but right then he can't care less.

Korra still moans over him, her hands pushing her own hair away from her perspired face as her body milks him dry and she stares greedily at him, loving the expression of pure vulnerability and ecstasy on his face. It's a simple bliss that she's become addicted to.

After several long shaky moments of unsteady loud breathing, Noatak's grip eases slightly and he takes over again, pulling her to him and he moves so swiftly that before she knows it she's face down on the bed and he's looming over her, licking up her spine and smacking his bare hand on her ass hard enough to make her jump and squeal.

**"So I cross my heart and I hope to die,**

**That I'll only stay with you **

**One more night.**

**And I know I said it a million times**

**But I'll only stay with you one more night."**

The pleasure still tingles all over Noatak's body but the guilt is starting to seep in bringing with it a new wave of anger so he whispers a renewed promise in her ear darkly and dangerously even as he makes it obvious that he's not finished with her yet.

"Yeah baby, give me one more night…" 

Korra begs into the old bed covers, getting on her knees to arch to him, practically shaking that exquisite little heart-shaped ass at him as mixed fluids drip lewdly from her vulnerable core and stain into bedding. He smacks that smooth caramel rear of hers again just for that little bit of sass and she hisses in reply with a naughty grin on her lips.

Noatak doesn't think twice this time and soon he rams into her at full force, fucking into her drenched cunt frantically and furiously, it's fast and animalistic and the way Korra squirms and screams into the bed is superbly perfect. Noatak wraps her hair in his fingers again and pulls her by it until her back in flush against his chest, she doesn't mind the dull pain on her scalp, in fact she revels in the thrill of it and he knows it.

His hands go around her body, palming her breasts and viciously twisting the nipples while he keeps up the fast unbridled pace and bites into the curve between her neck and shoulder, satisfied by the scream she lets out from the joint stimulations. One of Noatak's hands travels lower to point where they are joined so hotly that that heat radiates from their bodies, he knows he's too over the edge to last much longer but he's taking her with this time whether she wants it or not- his fingers find the tiny throbbing pearl of her clit and grind it hard enough to make her eyes roll back as her head tips over his shoulder.

Korra climaxes almost immediately from the combined actions, she screams hoarsely, sparkles dance behind her closed lids, spasms of intense pleasure run up every nerve of her body like an electric current, her mind is fuzzy with lust and she only avoids collapsing because he holds her upright, dragging out her pleasure with manic thrusts into her.

Her climax triggers his own though; she's too tight, too quivering, too soaked, too hot to resist and the way she screams, almost glows and wraps her arms awkwardly around his neck out of instinct makes her look too gorgeous to stand. He holds her so tightly that she can barely breathe and his body seizes almost as much as hers, his groans and rusty moans fill the air but he hears only static as he spills into her for the second time before they both collapse on the bed, shaken and exhausted but utterly content in each other's arms.

For a long moment they just lie there, clinging to each other and panting heavily, fighting for breath and basking in hazy satisfied afterglow. During that comfortably silent moment everything seems perfect, nothing looks complicated or wrong and they can just enjoy the tenderness between them…It won't last though, it's like a drug whose effects are far too short and soon they'll be chasing another fix even if the collateral damage is self-loathing and guilt.

Korra rolls lazily to pillow her cheek to his chest, listening to his racing heartbeat. She wants nothing more than for the night to never end because she knows that any day now things will get worse, any day now another one of his plans will roll into action and she will end up backed into a corner and forced to fight him head on, she knows it will finish badly and she will either end up with a broken heart or dead or worse- with a broken soul when he rips out her bending and erases everything that makes her what she is… But right now she doesn't want to think about any of that, she just wants to lie in his arms and enjoy those fleeting hours, she wants to brand those memories into her brain so that they will keep warm in the horribly cold nights when she has to be more than Korra- when she has to be the Avatar and his enemy.

Noatak holds her, noticing how she's barely conscious already. He wants to hate this woman, this girl, so badly but he just can't, she's not what he had expected of the Avatar and right now it feels surreal to be holding her in his arms and petting her hair lazily and tenderly but it's happening and it's the most beautiful thing he has experienced in…well, ever! These nights will always be the most precious memories of his existence whether he admits it or not. Noatak knows that if he doesn't put an end these encounters now they will just end the hard way soon enough when they are forced to take each other on at war and he knows that when that happens it will be the end for him because he will either loose to her power and be unmasked thus losing all purpose or he will most likely win even if he has to bloodbend her and even though that will be the victory for his movement and the start of a new era it will be the end for him because doing that to Korra will destroy him just as much as it will hurt her.

**«So I cross my heart and I hope to die,**

**That I'll only stay with you **

**One more night.**

**And I know I said it a million times**

**But I'll only stay with you one more night…»**

He tells himself that lie again as he watches her sleep but he knows, they both do, that when she calls he will be there and the game will repeat itself for another night and another and another… Until it ends badly.

~~~~~~.:oOo:.~~~~~~

_(Author's Note: Didn't really have much time to proofread this, so tell me if you find typos.)_


End file.
